I took time off work, flew interstate for a friend’s wedding, stayed at a hotel, brought a cash gift, the usual deal. This friend and I have drifted in recent years but have previously had a close relationship. I am getting married next year and have already invited her and her now spouse.
The invite asked everyone to buy their own drinks but stated ‘all food provided’. I got from the invite/venue it was cocktail standing style which is of course perfectly fine. It started with a ceremony on site at 2. There were at least 150+ people in attendance. On arrival, there was signage indicating the ‘schedule’ and this included an antipasto grazing board and ‘canapés’ later in the evening.
By 6pm, a few small grazing boards with salami and cheese, fruit were brought out. By 8.30/9, a single tray of no more than 6 sliders (each cut in half) arrived and someone yelled (food!) and everyone ran in like wild bears. Some skewers came out, no more than 10 boats, and they quickly went. That was it. No cake (fine but did seem strange). People were whispering about leaving the venue to get food or ordering uber eats. While this was happening, “wedding games” had begun which consisted of everyone watching the bridal party do karaoke/lipsync/charades? And then were asked to participate/dance. Absolutely no judgment if wedding games are your thing but many people were hungry and tired.
Speeches were made that referenced the ‘amazing food’ and talked about the coupe going on a long honeymoon to Italy.
The couple looked the happiest I’d ever seen them which I am genuinely happy about. I feel like an asshole/ungrateful but by 8.30, I started to feel dizzy and went out for fresh air. Something came over me and I felt panicked/uncomfortable and just started walking up the street. Then before I knew it, I had legged it back.
As someone planning their wedding, I know the costs but have prioritised feeding my guests well. Even on a budget, I can’t accept that putting out more food (when guests are buying their own drinks) wouldn’t have been possible or if not, be upfront about that so people can plan accordingly. Even just ordering pizzas? I may just be put off right now but I am questioning inviting them to my wedding, as we have our own financial considerations with guest list numbers. AITA?
Comments
NTA. I planned and delivered a wedding for some friends who had no money. It was a morning of making sandwiches and other finger food. Wasn’t high end but nobody was hungry.
NTA, while I have no problem paying for booze at a wedding, I think it’s the hosts’ responsibility to feed their guests, or risk them getting way too drunk and/or leaving in a frenzied search for carbs.
When you’re planning a wedding f you can’t afford to feed your guests you should postpone the Italian honeymoon NTA
Leave early and go get food. Clearly the guests were not the priority of the couple but cash gift grab was.
And leave them off your guest list.
NTA. They super chintzed out. Disappointing and rude. I get low blood sugar, dizzy and nauseous. I’d be like “So when’s dinner? No dinner? I’m sorry, but I’m sick from not eating. I have to go, low blood sugar. Say goodbyes, give regards, and take my hungry, sick body to have dinner!
WHO DOES THIS? Do you think they never want to speak with their guests again because they’re secretly Confidential Informants who are about to relocate in the witness protection program lol? Saying goodbye on the cheap?
NTA. The happy couple are tacky af.
That ridiculous and obvious bad planning. Anyone who can’t afford to feed guests obviously has too much wedding, not too many guests. You downsize the budget to feed your guests, not the other way around. I’m sure that was a most educational afternoon and evening into the newlyweds mindset.
NTA and “everyone ran in like wild bears” made me burst out laughing 🤣
As a bride and groom if you plan your wedding to cross over a mealtime it is your DUTY to plan a meal for your guests. Don’t skimp on the food. NTA
I would not have stayed half as long as you did. NTA
Yeah it sucks to attend an event and not have enough to eat, and I’ve certainly been known to get a big hangry in these situations. But you’re jumping to the most uncharitable interpretation here, which is that your friend deliberately cheaped out on the food knowing that people would go hungry. Maybe there was a misunderstanding on the caterer’s part about how many guests there would be, or how much food would be necessary for that many guests. Maybe the caterer’s didn’t adequately explain how much food would be on the grazing boards or how many they would be providing.
I once went to a fancy wedding at an extremely expensive luxury hotel. I had chosen a vegetarian meal, and when dinner was served, it was literally a few slivers of vegetables in a dainty pile in the middle of an otherwise empty plate. It was more like an hors d’oeurve than a meal. The meals with meat, on the other hand, were full plates of food like you’d expect. A friend at the table took pity on me and gave me half her steak. The meal I had been given was totally unacceptable, but I know that the (very wealthy and generous) friends who had planned the wedding would never have intended for one meal to be so inadequate but the others to be normal. Clearly there was a screwup or miscommunication somewhere along the line, and whether it was ultimately their “fault” or not, I’d never think of blaming the couple for it or holding a grudge afterward.
You’ve said you already invited her to your wedding, but now you’re so resentful that you’re thinking of disinviting her over the food situation? Have you even talked to her about it? If you disinvite her I assume you realize your friendship will be over. I can’t imagine completely discarding a true friend over this, but you do you.
No. I had a cousin get married and when the “dinner” was over we went down the street to a irish pub. A few min late, in walked the bride and groom
I have never heard of this how insane. I would say something about that and then leave and also why no cake?
I used to bartend on weekends for weddings and gatherings to make a little extra money. Did a wedding for about 75 people , the reception was at a VFW hall. Halfway through the line for food, they ran out of food. So the ladies in the kitchen were searching the cupboards for things they could cook. They wound up making Rice-A-Roni and a bunch of macaroni and cheese out of a box. I was asked to make the drinks Watered down so people wouldn’t get too drunk because they had no food.
NTA for leaving early. You were there 6.5 hours. That’s plenty.
However, I think it would be tacky and petty to disinvite her to your wedding because you think she planned her own reception poorly/cheaply. That’s a weird tit for tat.
NTA for leaving this ‘party’. Hopefully nobody has made any remarks.
Ceremony at 2, you stuck it out to 8:30
you went above and beyond OP!
I went to local wedding on Wednesday night after work with a 6pm ceremony and they had an ice cream bar and cupcakes at 7pm. Wtf!? Where was some real food! I understand it wasn’t sit down but something other than some sugar (which I love) since most of us came from work! NTA
NTA. This wedding was nothing more than a cash grab. Also I find it crazy that you went to such efforts to attend the wedding of someone you aren’t close to. I would reconsider inviting them to yours.
Yeah I would have grabbed my card back from the table and used that money to go buy myself dinner. NTA
They had a reception over the dinner hour without providing dinner. They had no intention of providing dinner which they clearly said on the sign.
They hosted more people than they could afford. Either a gift-grab or just bad planning. NTA.
A few years ago, I went to a wedding of two 18-year-olds, neither of whom had never been to a wedding before. (The groom is the son of good friends of mine.) The kids planned and paid for the whole thing themselves.
They had a theme: A Vampire’s Tea Party, and guests were encouraged to dress for the theme, but that’s a story for another day.
They served Dominos pizza and Bush’s Chicken tenders, with a bunch of cupcakes instead of a wedding cake. And you know what? It was great! Plenty of food and everyone had a good time. Nobody left hungry.
My husband and I come from HUGE families- that definitely expected to be invited. There was no way my parents and my husband and I could afford to feed everyone a full sit down dinner. My MIL was a little grumpy about it- but they didn’t offer to help with the cost. So we did an after dinner wedding with appetizers at the reception. We made sure there was a lot to go around and I think most people got a full meals worth out of it- but we were VERY clear on the invite that it was appetizers and not a full sit down dinner.
What a fiasco!!!! If you didn’t have money to put out the food, don’t do anything! Or just do it for your parents and siblings. Our . How ridiculous. I’ve been to a wedding like this, it was literally unforgettable to feel so hungry 🤣
I bought a hamburger somewhere and left.
I ordered a kfc to my sisters wedding but she was having a psychotic episode when she booked it
NTA- they chose to be cheapskates. They didn’t care about their guests why should you care about this drinkless, food less party.
Had a friend that had a potluck dinner and everybody brought food. It worked out well for them. I couldn’t imagine it myself.
NTA. General rule of thumb is, if your event goes through a regular mealtime, the meal needs to be provided. If they didn’t want to provide dinner and just have a “cocktail hour reception”, they should have planned the wedding to be over before dinnertime or to start after.
That sucks.
I would chalk it up to a Bad experience! I would still invite them to Your wedding because you had planned on it and so had they!
NTA. The bride and groom were crappy hosts.
NTA – sounds like catering was a mess – cut in half sliders was the clue to me that they under ordered or the caterer messed up or didn’t show up, etc. especially if they made a point to say there would be food. nta but it reeks of a major mishap that they weren’t going to share with guests. def shouldve ordered pizzas tho.
I would be downright pissed. I was at wedding reception where only the bridal party and family got a slice of wedding cake, which made me angry.
Unless it’s a ceremony only event, you have to provide food. I would’ve been out the door by 7 when it was clear there would be no dinner. A girl needs to eat or she’ll go into a coma and die. NTA.
NTA. I would find out who catered it and leave a review. A good caterer charges per person and provides enough food that no one should become dizzy and hangry. If they allow something like this to happen by agreeing to do the job cheaply knowing the guests will be unhappy then they deserve the resulting negative reviews.
This style of “cocktail hour” wedding has been around for a while now, and I’ve never liked it. To me, it feels like a gift grab without the effort of hosting a real reception. And you had to pay for your own drinks? Yeah… no bueno. Honestly, a bowl of spiked punch and some Costco sandwiches cut in half would’ve been a million times better.
That said, the couple missed some key etiquette basics. First, if you’re only doing a cocktail reception, you have to put that on the invite. No, you don’t need to spell out “light food will be served,” but people would’ve eaten ahead of time if they’d known, saving everyone from stampeding the poor server holding a tray of minimal food.
Also, this “standing-room cocktail hour” thing? Not for weddings. It’s fine for networking events, not when Grandma needs a seat and people are in heels. Even a cocktail-style wedding still requires seating, period.
Now, tossing etiquette aside for a moment, let’s talk about how the bridesmaids and groomsmen basically became the entertainment. Karaoke, speeches, games… while people are tipsy and restless? Yikes. And I’m guessing you weren’t the only guest who traveled a long distance just to end up disappointed.
A 2 p.m. ceremony with no dinner? Nah. If it were me, I’d grabbed my cash gift, walked down the street, found real food, and gone back to my hotel. But hey, I’m a petty bitch, so maybe don’t listen to me! NTA
I went to a wedding once in ME when I was 8 months pregnant. We were the last table called up to the food, and when I got up there, the only thing left was rolls. The servers only wanted to give me one roll, but I gave them a look that meant I would rip their eyeballs out if they didn’t give me another.
My husband and I called and had pizza delivered to the reception. I was tempted to rip open the envelope we gave them and pay for the pizza from their gift.
OP, did you notice the bridal party and immediate family missing for any amount of time where they might have eaten a meal? I’m wondering if they were provided for but not the other guests.
First of all, I think that it was a reasonable amount of time to stay and fine to get food afterwards. However, I don’t think that weddings need to be a full meal. I did have an autistic student once who went to a wedding and there was no cake. He went on about it for like a month any time someone mentioned cake or a wedding.