Throwaway account for many reasons. I just need to feel validated that im not the asshole. I don’t think I am, but if I am i am willing to take full accountability.
So, about 2 years ago I 22 *at the time*F and my partner at the time 22*at the time* M were in my childhood best friends 21F lets call her Jamie’s wedding. Before the wedding I knew of the plans and that she had always wanted a big party that went on all night for her reception. She was going to do all the normal things like the bouquet toss, cake cutting, and the father daughter dance all in the beginning, not do a grand exit, all so people could leave when they wanted but those who wanted to enjoy the music and open bar could do so. Originally I had told her that I would love to dance the night away with her, but circumstances changed and my brother decided to get married in another country the next weekend and my parents bought my plane ticket for the day after Jamies wedding.
I called Jamie bordering on tears because I knew I wouldn’t be able to comfortably stay at the wedding until late at night drinking, and then fly to a whole other country the next morning. I would have to get up at 5 the next morning and i wasn’t going to fly hungover. I double checked with Jamie that all of the important reception events would still be happing at the beginning and my partner at the time and I wouldn’t miss anything. Jamie reassured me that all of that would be happing at the beginning like she planned and that she understood my situation but was a little sad, but she stated many times that she was okay with it.
The day of the wedding I arrived at the venue on time, did all of my bridesmaid duties, and then danced the night away on the dance floor until about 10pm when my partner and I decided it was time to say our goodbyes and start the hour drive back to his apartment.
On the way back we stopped for gas, at the gas station we saw two of our friends Sarah and Timothy. I was in my floor length gown, sarah was in a cute fancy short dress and the guys were suits. we felt very funny and i snapped a picture of us in the middle of the gas station and we parted ways.
The next day I posted a few pictures on facebook of the event and went on my merry way. Me leaving the wedding early was not spoken of agian until last month.
Last month Sarah and Timothy got married and I was able to be in the wedding party. The whole weekend was a blast and when I posted about it Jamie dmed me and said “oh did you stay for their whole wedding? That’s crazy”
I then responded “yeah, i didnt have to get up early the next morning. Their wedding ended at 10 though.”
she then responded talking about how she would never leave her best friend’s wedding early to go hang out with other people who were at the wedding.
I realized she was talking about the gas station photo, and i explained it was a quick picture when we happened to run into each other and that it was not a planned event and was no longer than a 10 minute thing. I did apologize that if the photo hurt her feelings that wasn’t the intention and that no ill was meant towards her.
After that she told me that i seem happy and that her leaving the frienship woudln’t be a big deal and then unfollowed me on everything.
And because i know people will ask, yes jamie and her husband were invited to Sara and Tim’s wedding.
TLDR: I had to leave my best friends wedding at 10. but 2 years later got to stay at my other friends wedding for the whole thing. She is now pissed and cut me out of her life.
so am i the asshole?
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Backup of the post’s body: Throwaway account for many reasons. I just need to feel validated that im not the asshole. I don’t think I am, but if I am i am willing to take full accountability.
So, about 2 years ago I 22 *at the time*F and my partner at the time 22*at the time* M were in my childhood best friends 21F lets call her Jamie’s wedding. Before the wedding I knew of the plans and that she had always wanted a big party that went on all night for her reception. She was going to do all the normal things like the bouquet toss, cake cutting, and the father daughter dance all in the beginning, not do a grand exit, all so people could leave when they wanted but those who wanted to enjoy the music and open bar could do so. Originally I had told her that I would love to dance the night away with her, but circumstances changed and my brother decided to get married in another country the next weekend and my parents bought my plane ticket for the day after Jamies wedding.
I called Jamie bordering on tears because I knew I wouldn’t be able to comfortably stay at the wedding until late at night drinking, and then fly to a whole other country the next morning. I would have to get up at 5 the next morning and i wasn’t going to fly hungover. I double checked with Jamie that all of the important reception events would still be happing at the beginning and my partner at the time and I wouldn’t miss anything. Jamie reassured me that all of that would be happing at the beginning like she planned and that she understood my situation but was a little sad, but she stated many times that she was okay with it.
The day of the wedding I arrived at the venue on time, did all of my bridesmaid duties, and then danced the night away on the dance floor until about 10pm when my partner and I decided it was time to say our goodbyes and start the hour drive back to his apartment.
On the way back we stopped for gas, at the gas station we saw two of our friends Sarah and Timothy. I was in my floor length gown, sarah was in a cute fancy short dress and the guys were suits. we felt very funny and i snapped a picture of us in the middle of the gas station and we parted ways.
The next day I posted a few pictures on facebook of the event and went on my merry way. Me leaving the wedding early was not spoken of agian until last month.
Last month Sarah and Timothy got married and I was able to be in the wedding party. The whole weekend was a blast and when I posted about it Jamie dmed me and said “oh did you stay for their whole wedding? That’s crazy”
I then responded “yeah, i didnt have to get up early the next morning. Their wedding ended at 10 though.”
she then responded talking about how she would never leave her best friend’s wedding early to go hang out with other people who were at the wedding.
I realized she was talking about the gas station photo, and i explained it was a quick picture when we happened to run into each other and that it was not a planned event and was no longer than a 10 minute thing. I did apologize that if the photo hurt her feelings that wasn’t the intention and that no ill was meant towards her.
After that she told me that i seem happy and that her leaving the frienship woudln’t be a big deal and then unfollowed me on everything.
And because i know people will ask, yes jamie and her husband were invited to Sara and Tim’s wedding.
TLDR: I had to leave my best friends wedding at 10. but 2 years later got to stay at my other friends wedding for the whole thing. She is now pissed and cut me out of her life.
so am i the asshole?
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updateme
NTA why is she bitter about something that happened two years ago? Also maybe you would’ve stayed if she decided to end it at a reasonable time 😭
NTA – You stayed for the important parts, don’t engage in any conversation about it.
NTA you had a perfectly good reason to leave early, got confirmation that it was alright, and did everything you had to do. No one can force you to stay at an event anyways. I’m sure there were plenty of people that left before the very end of the night.
The fact that she got so upset about you staying at someone else’s wedding says more about her than about you. Shouldn’t she have been busy enough at her own wedding not to clock when each guest dipped?
She had been looking for a reason to end this friendship. She has n
Been sulking and stewing like a child who didn’t respect or care enough about you to ask about the pictures before now. She’s so self involved that she can’t be wrong
NTA, and I know this phrase is often used, but wow does your friend have main character syndrome! Yeah sure, hanging out at a gas station is so much fun! Whee! Everyone of course would want to be there instead of their friend’s big party! I mean, obviously you picked a gas station close to the venue to really rub it in over being a better place than the wedding!
I can’t even. I suspect you wouldn’t be posting if it didn’t bother you. Losing friends can hurt, but people can change, or our circumstances change, and someone who was a good friend is no longer capable of being a good friend. It’s ok to miss the friend you had, but that’s definitely who you’ll miss. Who she was, not who she is now.
She’s petty if she’s holding on to this. You’re not the AH, but your “friend” is. Think about whether this is the energy you want in your life
NTA
Good thing you were unfollowed. Least you be reminded year after year after year (yawn) after year..
NTA but a huge one has just exited your life so you’re just winning left and right
NTA
Your exfriend is a huge drama queen. She’s being butthurt over a perceived slight.
If she wants to block you over what she THINKS occurred and would rather believe in that then the truth, then whatever. She lost a solid friend, and that’s on her. Block her ass in return and move on without the drama llama.
You were not in the wrong. You know you were not in the wrong. The truth is on your side and if people ask, tell them.
Sure sounds similar to the 5th grade girl fight I just heard in my back seat! But they worked it out.
Maybe Your Friend is just the “Mean Girl”. My Advise to the 5th graders was keep being you, because if you weren’t doing a great job at it, why would “She” care!!