We take a family vacation every year to a cottage for 1 week. There are 9 adults (4 couples, 1 single) who attend. The cottage has 5 bedrooms so everyone does usually get a bed to sleep on, just may have to share a bedroom. We’ve been renting it for a long time and get a good deal on it but the last couple years it’s been different because of the kids, but would like to continue to do this.
Two of the couples have no young children
The single has no kids.
1 couple has 2 kids between ages 5-8
1 couple has 2 kids between ages 1-3
Every year we go, everyone is expected to pay the same amount for the cottage & food. They only split between the 9 adults, and don’t include the kids. While I agree, children under the age of 2 are “free” the 3 other kids do eat/take up as much or more space & have specific foods they want.
We tried to voice our opinion that it’s not fair to the couples without kids to pay the same amount as a family of four, but it was not received well at all. We are not saying we need to pay significantly less, but to pay equal amounts for the stay & food seemed like a lot to us?
Are we crazy for not wanting to pay the same price as a family of four?
Comments
How much more do you want the families with kids to pay? If you don’t like the split, get your own place or don’t go. yta
Tell the two couples that have 2 kids each that they need to book their own accommodation and split it. NTA
If you voice your feelings and are ignored, you’re also not obligated to continue to do these trips. I’m a mother and I’d never expect to pay the same as someone without kids. They’re 110% taking advantage and being crappy people.
> We tried to voice our opinion that it’s not fair to the couples without kids to pay the same amount as a family of four
This is a reasonable position to take. You’re NTA for expressing your opinion and wanting expenses to be fairly distributed.
nah you’re not crazy. if the kids are eating, sleeping, and vibing there too, they count. you’re not wrong for not wanting to split it evenly like you’re funding a daycare.
The couples with kids should def pay more towards shared vacation costs… NTA. When my hubby and I had our first child, I figured we’d still spend what the others do, but holy crap food and activities for a tiny human is a whole different ball game, so yeah, those families contributing their fair share makes total sense.
Info – do you have to book a bigger place to accommodate the kids, or do you book the same accommodation in size and cost as you would without the kids?
If you do not need to pay more to accommodate for extra space and the kids simply stay with the parents’ room, then there is no reason to have them pay more for the space. If you do need a larger place, they the extra cost should be on the parents.
As for food, you can propose simply group-buy the adult foods and parents will prepare kids food on their own. Parents should definitely pay more on food unless their kids don’t eat the group’s stock.
So either you go dutch… or pay.an agreed upon up front amount…
Meals, even in a joint vacation tend to be Dutch, unless your buying groceries then each usually buys for their meal that they’re making for everyone
If they are using more rooms or getting bigger spaces, for sure I think it’s fair to ask.
I do think food becomes a bit vague tho. I can’t really imagine 3 kids eating such a disproportionate amount of what’s purchased for 9 adults? Surely you’re all buying in bulk and everyone’s mostly eating the same things, save for maybe some snacks or easy options. Is their food particularly expensive? Are you all buying alcohol or something else the kids can’t or aren’t consuming?
Another way to look at it, if some of the adults had a food allergy or dietary restriction, would you ask them or expect to pay for food separately? or would you all just split it evenly anyway with the assumption that it will more or less even out?
and for that matter, I think it’s way more unfair if the single person is paying the same as couples – that to me is more of a imbalance than 9 adults paying for 3 kids.
It really comes down to your specific friend group but since half the ppl are complaining, then clearly there needs to be a reassessment of all of your expectations for family vacations, so NTA
NTA.
This is the kinda scenario that it’s fair to give an ultimatum. Tell your family how much you love vacationing with them, but now that the kids are eating more than just formula and fruit, you’re not willing to subsidize their share – if that’s a problem, you won’t be joining for family vacations anymore.
Tell them you want the division of food costs to include all attendees, not just adults – especially if any of those kids are teens, as teens are almost guaranteed to be eating more than any of the adults there.
In regards to the cost of the cottage though, don’t be petty about that. The kids being present isn’t costing you more, so don’t worry about it.
NTA
Don’t be taken advantage of
I need clarification to decide if you are or not an AH. A cottage – 4 couples and a single. Are there more than 5 bedrooms in the lovely cottage or sleeping spaces in shared areas to accommodate the children, or do the children share the same space/room with their respective parents? Knowing this helps determine how you split to rental cost. If the children are sharing quarters with their parents the rental should remain split among the 9 adults. Otherwise you might feel like an AH.
For food/meals/snacks/drinks – shop for the group meals (adults only) – split among the nine. Purchase kid friendly preferences for the 4 kiddos split between the 2 families. When you realize the additional costs for child preference items adds about $200 for the week ($100 each family) or $22.22 split by 9 – you might also feel like an AH.
Is spending time with “family” one week a year, making memories and building relationships with the newest generation worth investing a little extra cash? Come back and whine when all the children are teens eating their way through groceries or maybe when they are adults providing comfort to you in your old age because of the relationship established on these trips.
when I take my yearly beach vaca I book my own and let the ones with kids figure it out. it’s more peaceful for me lol
Are the kids staying in their parents’ rooms? If so I can see not charging extra accomodations charges– though does the person getting the single room pay more for getting a private room?
We’ve always split “by the room” for the lodgings and split food based on number of people (counting 2 kids as one adult) and splitting out the cost of alcohol and dividing it among the “drinkers” as we have several non drinkers in out crowd.
NTA for not wanting to subsidize your niblings vacation.
Of course it’s not taken well by those who have the kids…….
Haven’t you seen the Tui adverts?????
Kids go free!!!!!!
Stick to your guns make those with kids pay more
I have siblings. My husband and I have one kid. My siblings each have a litter. They believe splitting costs three ways is fair.
We don’t do group anything anymore. We do Hotels. Each family gets their own room and pays their own way.
But agree with the commenter who suggested two cabins… one for the families with kids, one for everyone else. If the families with kids complain then you know they are using the rest of you to subsidize their vacation.
NTA
NAH…
You guys created your own tradition. Your own set of cmsocial expectations around it. You aren’t wrong at all for asking and honestly I would gladly pay a bit extra on food atleast if I had kids. That said, if everyone else doesn’t agree with you and the mood sours? It is what it is. Tradition may just be over. So if this is the hill then it’s the hill and NAH.
NTA. It should be paid by beds/rooms. If the kids are getting their own room the parent should be more. Food gets difficult. But for kids snacks, the parents should be providing these. If the kids eat separate food the parents should be providing. If the kids eat what everyone else eats then splitting isn’t awful.
I have kids but never asked others to supplement my vacations.
NTA. Tell them to book their own place and pay for their own kids and the rest of you will continue to share. No way would I be paying for other people
I wouldn’t be paying to feed kids that aren’t mine.
The food budget should be divided by shares per person: single = 1, couple = 2, family = 4
I guess it depends on how much the cost difference is. Is it 100 or 1000. While fair is fair, it still makes a difference. But just know that they will continue to expect this equal split when their kids are 10-18 and need extra space and eat their weight in food. So, I guess it’s best to establish the new norm now.
Or pay per person. I always hated it when my kids were small but I’m not that entitled and paid for my kids. Now that my children are grown…I don’t want to pay for your kids too. I paid for mine for over 18 years and to be honest I still pay their share when they join but that’s another subreddit🤣
For everyone young enough to not have the friend/family group with kids…set the expectations now so when kids eventually enter the equation the issues were solved before actually money enters the chat
Yta. Everyone is sharing rooms. There’s ZERO reason that they have to pay more for the cottage when they have to share the rooms with their kids and yall have been going to the same place this whole time. They SHOULD contribute more to food and parents pay for their own kids for extra activities. IF next year yall decide to rent a bigger place, then it’s time for families who’s kids get their own room to split the cost for the extra room. In the end it evens out- those without kids can afford the fancier place and it’s not like you’re getting a place that specifically has child amenities.
You trying to change the status quo for NO reason and last minute is a dick move
Sounds like this vacation house has come to an end. Where do all these children sleep? You need a bigger house and get charged by the bedroom. Parents and kids have two rooms they pay for those room.
NTA, if the parents don’t want to pay extra let them find somewhere else to stay.
I completely get it. Honestly, I’d be a bit miffed too if someone tried to make me pay for someone else’s kids’ food just because we’re family. I mean, they’re not your kids. So, NTA at all. But, damn, they should’ve listened when you guys tried to bring it up, shouldn’t they?
Propose what you think is fair.
See what they say.
Don’t be vague. Be specific
1-did price of rental increase because of kids (it tends to) if so everyone pays per person kids are usualy half price till some age or pull out couch or similar is cheaper also.
2- if price is same no matter kids you pay per bedroom but food should be divided per person kids unless some age half
3 if someone doesnt agree i would pull out
NTA Tell them you either pay for your stay or you don’t go and they can more anyways.
!Updateme!
We divide cost of space by number of rooms and rotate the master bedroom, although sometimes the master bedroom pays more depending on the group. We don’t book places that don’t have enough bedrooms for everyone, no one sleeping in the common areas. If a couple and their kids are using 2 bedrooms, they’re paying for 2 bedrooms. Common food is divided per person, small children might get a break but honestly they are eating too and it’s often separate food that still adds cost. I just wouldn’t split with someone trying to avoid paying their way, tell them to get their own accomodations and split it how they want, or I would find my own. It’s not going to upset me to not share a place with children!
This is like the group vacation version of the friends episode where they split the check equally even when half the group ordered very expensive meals and the other half ordered very cheap meals. Personally I think if the families are squeezing into the same rooms as before then they don’t need to pay more for lodging, which is split per room, but it’s ridiculous to not split food costs by person. Perhaps you could offer a math equation where under two are free, and between two and puberty they’re half the adult price. It’d be different math if everyone was married/partnered and had similar numbers of kids, but the reality is that’s not the case and it shouldn’t be on the people using less resources to subsidize the others kids. And I say that as a parent. I also have one kid and wouldn’t want to pay the same amount as someone with five kids. If they stayed home they’d have to pay for all their kids food, they just want everyone else to subsidize their vacation.
I think the logistics need to change. Maybe don’t charge them extra for the room but split the cost up of the housing versus Food. And then do equal contributions per person on the Food. So like if it costs $1000 for the building, then you would split that between the nine adults. But then an additional couple thousand for Food needs to be split up by 12 to accommodate for the children. Or even if it’s not a full amount per child half to 3/4 of an amount. So instead of $100 per child then 75 or 50 based on how much the kitty eats. Because I have a 16-year-old that can eat as much as two grown adult men.
5 bdrms parents with the children sleep in their rooms..Food and lodging split 9 ways while parents with children provide their children’s juices, snacks and any special foods they eat ie chicken nuggets, fr fries, cereal, milk, cookies, ice cream etc.. Also they pay for any extra activities for the children such as arcades water slides etc.. That’s fair..
OK, I’m a numbers person but try to keep reading! Our extended family also rented a very large cabin years ago. As we multiplied I developed a “person-day” system. Adults were 1 person, kids over 2 were 0.5 persons and kids under 2 didn’t count. Sometimes people arrived a day or two late or left a day or two early. My son’s family, for example, with 2 adults and 3 kids (ages 11, 8 and 6) staying 5 days would be 5 X 4.5, or 22.5 person-days. Calculate that for each person our group ad then split the expenses according to person-days. You then adjust for anything they paid already (groceries, etc.)
Family liked this and later the story was that my Uncle had developed it. (I do remember sitting down and explaining it to him in depth.) Since he had years of experience as an industrial engineer I was flattered.
NTA.
How about you suggest that you continue as you have previously with the main grocery shop and have the parents of the children pay separately for the specific foods their children eat?
With regard to the bedrooms, there are 5. That’s 1 each for the 4 couples and the single adult. It’s realistic that the couples with the children get the bigger rooms, but it should also be reflected in the price. Why should the single adult pay the same for a tiny bedroom as the couples who have 2 kids and get the bigger rooms?
I’m also curious as to why you said that everyone USUALLY gets a bed but sometimes may have to share a bedroom? Why? There are 4 couples and one single adult and 5 bedrooms. If the childless couples and the single adult are being made to share so that the children get a separate room, it’s the parents of those children who should be sharing, not the childless people.
The cottage should be split family. For food i really think its splitting hairs for children to eat. My suggestion is each family make onr meal w night for everyone. Instead of trying to split out the cost of each meal.
Rent another cottage nearby for you and yours.
When we rented a big beach house for our extended family, when figuring out costs we considered kids 3 and under as free, kids 4-12 as half a person, and kids 13 and up as full adults. This for food costs and rent.
NTA but families with children never want to pay for the kids on vacation. So what you actually have is 11 adults – 9 actual adults and 4 children who count as 2 adults.
For example the cottage and food is $1,475.00 this means each person would pay $135.
The single = $135
The couple = $270
The families = $405
So the total would be 2 couples=$540, 1 single=$135, 2 families =$810. The total for food and lodging $1,485. This will cover the extra food for the kids and the space the parents need to accommodate the children.
Why should the 5 adults subsidize the families? Everyone pays the same and the kids get counted as 1/2 an adult so the families only pay for an extra adult. If they went on vacation on their own they would have to pay for the kids why not for the cottage?
There are so many apps now this should not be hard to split up.
Kid only food is split btw parents with kids and not rolled into the total tally.
Kids are assessed at either 0.25 or 0.5 of an adult depending on how much they will eat of “main” food. IE do they have their own breakfast food, maybe even lunch, but share in dinners? etc
Likely I would not split the cottage any more IF the kids are using the parents’ room OR an otherwise unused by others’ room. You rent the same place so it’s not like you’ve had to upgrade bc of the kids.
If there are 5 bedrooms, the cost of the place should be per room IMO.
I’d begrudge paying for 4 people (2 adults 2 kids) if I only used one room.
However food / living expenses should be shared by the amount of people.
Sounds like they need a bigger house, with rooms for the children and then they pay by the room they use.
I didn’t do it with my family and wouldn’t expect anyone to take on a larger share because I have more kids than they have. But if they don’t believe the kids should be charged, maybe it’s time you break the family into groups.