My boyfriend (22M) went through my diary and I (21F) am really upset about it. We’ve been dating for just over a year. He found some entries about himself, and other guys. I had a dream about one guy that I used to have a crush on, but I haven’t thought about it since. That was one of the entries he found. I also mentioned some things about not feeling happy with him – but at the time we weren’t doing well. I feel really bad, like I did something wrong. He seems to think he did nothing wrong by going through my diary. He said that he needed some spare paper, and “accidentally” went through it, but I don’t believe him. Anyone have advice on what to do? Should I break up with him? Right now I have him blocked on everything. I can’t bring myself to speak to him because of what he found. It makes me feel guilty, and sick to my stomach.
AITH? My boyfriend went through my diary, now I feel guilty. What should I do?
r/AITAH
Comments
he’s probably very, very insecure. but that isn’t YOUR fault. he probably went through your diary because he felt insecure, but like i said earlier, it isn’t your problem. don’t stress about it. and you have every right to be upset, he invaded your privacy. you dont have to forgive him or be mad at yourself for writing down how you felt. its 109% not your fault, nobody told him to go through your stuff, so don’t be mad at yourself. trust me. if he wants to be mad at you, so be it, it isn’t your problem. if you ever need to talk, feel free to dm me ! 🫶🏽
Nta. he had zero right to nvade your privacy, and you have nothing to feel guilty about. He should be crawling on his belly to apologize for a heinous invasion of your privacy, and this is a totally reasonable reason to dump his insecure butt. you deserve a far better man.
Bots are out tonight
He violated your privacy, then flipped it to make you feel guilty for what he read. That’s manipulative. Journals are private by nature. If he can’t respect your boundaries now, it’ll only get worse
Not your fault he decided to invade your privacy. Time to go if he doesn’t see anything wrong with what he did.
NTA overall, let’s also not forget that this is a clear invasion of your privacy.
YTA for blocking an over a year relationship just because you can’t speak to him, I get it you’re sick to your stomach that your diary made him feel his way but you were just venting and you two were not on good terms that time. Crushes happen all the time, I have a crush on Jennifer Aniston, will I ruin a 1-2 years old relationship for that crush. NO.
Don’t cut all methods of communication and expect things to resolve themselves. Communicate with your boyfriend, tell him you were not on good terms by that time, tell him that crushes happen and its alright.
Don’t just cut him off like that.
He’s an AH for looking into your stuff and invading your privacy, its worth mentioning that too. Even if he was just looking for a paper, he looked enough to read all those details…
EDIT: when I said dont block him, I am not saying that for him, you have the right for clarity in communication, by blocking him you just can’t know anything or let him know anything
Honey, this was so, so, soooo disrespectful on his part. Diaries are so personal and are NOT meant for the eyes of anyone other than yourself. He didn’t “accidentally” start reading it, he may have found it by accident but the reading was intentional. This is a big invasion of privacy and an even bigger red flag. I think it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship. NTA.
Side note, do NOT feel guilty. You’re entitled to your feelings and you’re also entitled to expressing those feelings in a healthy way (like writing in a diary. No need to feel guilt or shame.
NtTA. Those are your personal thoughts. If you didn’t do anything wrong, then there’s nothing to feel guilty about. Thoughts and dreams are okay, but actions are where you actually do wrong. Why break up. It’s like going through someone’s phone. It’s crossing a boundary, but if you are together and thinking about forever. You shouldn’t have anything to hide. I’m willing to share anything in my phone, social media or diary to my girl and vice versa. She doesn’t like everything and I don’t like everything that I see on hers. But it’s not worth breaking up over. If you have something written or on the internet, be prepared for someone to see it.
He just failed the partner test. Untrustworthy 🚩
wait, you feel guilty because your boyfriend read your diary? and he doesn’t think he did anything wrong. he really invaded your privacy. he probably wants to go thru your phone, too. is that how you want to be treated? you had some thoughts, you wrote them down, you didn’t do anything wrong.
Girl!!! he invaded your privacy and your inner most thoughts …and you feel guilty? What a major violation of trust. Get rid of this man immediately. You are certainly NTH. Hope you find a partner with integrity and grounded enough in who he is to not snoop around as your inner world. Yuckkk.
Maybe let him know you’re done by writing a new entry about how you’re breaking up with him and text him the photo.
Nta. And I would dump him. I know where my wifes olf diaries are. I have never had to urge to look through them. Those are personal thoughts.
Why do you feel guilty over him reading something he shouldn’t?? Diaries are meant to be private and if he had any respect for you he’d of honored the privacy and not read it. If he’s upset by what he read that’s on him not on your private thoughts!! Looking for paper .. really?? You are NTA and you should not Feel Guilty!! If anything he should but since he has no remorse over it, it’s safe to say he has no respect for you.
Going through someone’s diary is such an incredible breach of trust that if it were to happen to me I would immediately break up with them. That is a private place to hash out thoughts and feelings in a safe environment. I would never be able to trust them again personally.
He’s lying to you. He betrayed you, and now he’s lying to you about it. Yes, you should break up with him. He’s a liar.
if this is real, how is this even a question
OP, do NOT feel guilty! If he kept a diary, there’d undoubtedly be sensitive stuff about you in there. That’s because diaries are where we permanently record temporary thoughts.
The fact he read it AND that he sees no problem with having done so is a neon EXIT sign. Go forth and guilt no more.
The fact that he’s sees nothing wrong with what he did makes it so much worse. I would never trust him again. You do the math.
I think the more you love someone, the more you need to let them in on those secrets . Sure privacy is important but since I’ve been more open with my partner since I changed my password on my phone so that they can go through it whe they need too I’ve felt less temptation less intrusive thoughts I feel more loyal then ever in my life .
I don’t think ether of you are wrong . But if you love him, you should just openly communicate your boundaries and apologize and that you didn’t mean to hurt him you just need somewhere you trust to sort your gboughts. even if he doesn’t, you’ll feel better if you do
Please break up with him. This is absolutely a violation of you. Not just your privacy, but you. He obviously has control issues and you’re not his therapist and you certainly don’t want to be victim. You dont need anymore red flags. Find someone who respects you and can communicate with you. Don’t date or marry a “project” that needs fixing.
YTA only for feeling guilty. You can’t trust this guy, it’s a huge violation of one’s boundary
Don’t feel guilty at all.
He went through your diary. Which was not for his eyes. It’s where you get to process your thoughts by yourself.
This is a huge breach of privacy. I’d be dumping him.
Violating your privacy is disrespectful and break up worthy. You are too young to take such treatment as normal, don’t setup yourself for disrespect. He nit worth it. NTA
He snooped in the hopes of finding something to stir some stuff up. Nobody accidentally keeps reading when they find something private. He wasn’t supposed to read it and didn’t respect your privacy. Then he even gets mad about things from probably months or more before. He deserves to be dumped. Find yourself someone mature enough to not blame you for your feelings and the need of expressing yourself in a way that made you feel safe.
NTA.
You did nothing wrong. He is in the wrong here. NTA! I definitely recommend breaking up with him
Accounts a year old, this is the only post, and this is the only thing commented on.
It also comes across as something a 15 year old would say and write, and not a 21 year old.
I smell karma farm rage bait.
He got what he deserved reading your diary. You did not do anything wrong. He should not have looked but he was curious. That’s how I would approach it with him. Was your diary hidden? Do you think he was purposely looking through your things being nosy? That would be a problem. I had someone come into my home and rummage through my things, my personal letters and things and read them. I felt violated and trust was broken. You deserve better.
You sound like teenagers. Imo you should allow yourself to make your own dumb decisions and not that the advice of a bunch of jaded redditors.
I had a boyfriend go through my diaries and he made me throw them away and he was so mad at me for shit thay happened before I even knew he existed.
Got rid of him a few months later and life’s been swell since. Dont waste your time on lousy men. There are good ones out there, you just gotta find them.
I’m not saying what he did isn’t wrong, but I do think a lot of people would be tempted to peek. How you explained it, I’m hearing that maybe your diary was in plain sight? If I was writing about people in my life in a critical way, I’d take care to ensure it was in a safe space where it wouldn’t be read. I’m also of the mindset that you don’t put things in writing that you don’t want people to read. But, if you had it in a safe space and he went out of his way to read it, then he’s for sure the AH. Either way, you’re both young, him reading it is immature and disrespectful. If he won’t take accountability for his actions in breaking your confidence, I’d pay attention to what he’s showing you.
He is trying to use information he acquired about your private thoughts by reading your diary against you? Yes, you break up with this boundary stomping controlling clod. What he did was beyond disrespectful, classless, violating and he’s not even apologetic about it. This relationship is over, he will 100% do this again and hold anything he read over your head. You feel bad about how you wrote about your own private feelings he never should’ve seen? Girl. Dump his toxic ass. NTA unless you stay with someone like this.
Def not the ass hole!! But I’m not sure what there is to break up over… I’m not sure if it’s just me and my circle, but I thought when you were in a committed relationship there was privacy yes but there are also not supposed to be any barriers between you two….I have a journal that I keep for my work but it’s also like a diary..I had a girlfriend who read it a few times but I don’t understand why that’s a big deal …. Aren’t we supposed to share our deepest secrets with our SO
[ Removed by Reddit ]
NTA. Honest question: If instead of reading your diary, he forced his way into a therapy session and made you continue like he wasn’t there, how would you feel?
Probably violated and disrespected. Because that’s what this was. A person is allowed to have thoughts, feelings, and even dreams and they are allowed to process those in whatever (healthy) ways is best for them. Villainizing someone for their subconscious is irrational on his part.
(also, if he’s 22, his prefrontal cortex hasn’t fully developed yet. So technically he is still a man-child until about 25)
This is a dealbreaker.
It’s impossible to read a diary accidentally.
Snoopers get what they deserve, to read things they didn’t want to know, and rightfully dumped for being untrustworthy.
Keep him blocked. HE VIOLATED YOUR PRIVACY. You have ZERO to feel guilty for at all. He is 100% wrong.
NTA. My hubby has access to my phone, and therefore, 99% of my life. However, my diary, and in the same vein, my therapy appointments are off limits. Not because I have things to hide, but those are my way of sorting out my thoughts and feelings.
Imo this is breakup worthy. No one should have to explain to another that a diary is NOT for their eyes
What he’s done is really the equivalent of going through someone else’s phone, which enough people on Reddit do because their “gut.”
I understand why you’d be frustrated at him. It would be fair to dump them for the invasion of privacy.
Just remember this feeling in your next relationship if the urge to go through the next guy’s phone arises.
Girl, he went through your DIARY. If it was about paper, he could have respected your privacy, that was a straight-up lie. He was snooping, the fact that he read two separate entries about two separate things that hurt his feelings say as much. That is a massive invasion of privacy and that’s not something I would trust. You don’t need to feel guilty when you did nothing wrong. You were writing down your PRIVATE thoughts into a PRIVATE journal that no one else was meant to read, and he read that 100% without your consent. Dump the insecure loser, NTA
Accidentally reading your diary when looking for a spare piece of paper would be opening it, seeing one entry (unless you start it w dear diary, then he should only see that) realizing it’s a diary, and then putting it back and continuing to look for a piece of paper. Also, if he needed paper that badly then how did he have time to read through your diary? If you want to give him another chance just tell him what you just told us. I’m of the belief that knowingly reading a diary is the same as listening in on a therapy session…
This is directed at comments. But if your the type of partner that blames them for seeing something you shouldn’t have written or sent a message to someone or your up to something you need to hide . Then clearly yta if you hide your screen yta if you get mad because they glanced at your sneaky behaviors then yta probably cheating and not even considering it cheating . If you need to hide everything then your with the wrong person or you are the wrong person . If you come on here to gang up on the person you claim to love then yta . Communicate with them. Don’t take opinions from a bunch of snowflakes who can’t handle reality . That’s my personal opinion. I don’t see a diary as a massive crime to end a relationship or a even a red flag . 🙂 goodnight to all the haters
This guy is not long-term partner material. Wishing you were angry instead of feeling guilty. You are certainly entitled to be angry and he should be begging your forgiveness.
This should be on the list of things that instantly triggers a breakup. Full stop. He did it on purpose, hurt his own feelings, then lied to you. At BEST he is literally too stupid to date, at worst he an abuser laying the groundwork.
NTA. You should not feel guilty for your private thoughts.
It’s extremely concerning that your BF doesn’t feel bad about invading your privacy for literally no reason, and he is absolutely, obviously lying to you about thinking your diary was an appropriate option even if he isn’t lying about needing spare paper.
Honestly. If someone ever asks me what gaslighting is, this could serve as a great example.
So he violated your privacy and boundaries but somehow managed to make himself look like the victim and make you feel like you did something wrong?
Please reconsider if you want to be with this person because things will only get worse.
Oh sister, where do I even begin! This a-hole goes through your diary and you feel guilty. Really? Are you not entitled to private thoughts? Are you not entitled to privacy? Do you really believe him when he says that he needed paper and didn’t realize it was your diary? If you do believe him, you’ve got much bigger problems than your boyfriend violating your privacy. I’m not trying to be harmful or mean. I’m just trying to verbally impart some sense into you. This man has shown you that he is not to be trusted. What will he violate next? He is also showing you that he has no respect for you. Now that it is abundantly clear who he is, because he’s shown you who he is, the only question left is are you going to believe him? And act accordingly?
NTA. He broke your trust and took no accountability. There’s no regret or remorse for his actions, he justified them to himself and tried to make you feel like the one to blame.
If you let him get away with it, he will do worse and he will keep violating your privacy and trust. Leave him.
When I was 17 my bf went through my journal and then threw a fit because I’d written about something he felt was ugly about himself (very very crooked teeth). He tried to confront me about and I was like ??!! you read my own totally private thoughts while I was in the bathroom and YOURE mad at ME??? Nah
Wow this is an absolute violation of your privacy. Try keeping your diary on your phone via an app in future if your thoughts and feelings are not able to be sacred on paper.
You do not have to feel guilty about what you wrote. Your inner world is not up for any sort of public consumption unless you decide it to be. Over time this eradication of your inner world will damage your sense of self. If he’s so paranoid about your opinion of him that he can’t maintain his respect for you, that’s a major red flag.
NTA. He is. You don’t do anything except tell him to get back in his lane.
And why are you still dating him?
NTA.
You don’t go accidentally through one’s diary. That there’s no show of remorse is the most concerning and revealing part.
My advice is to break up.
He went through your diary and you feel guilty and you wonder if you are the a-hole? Seriously?! NTA.
This is a violation of your private thoughts. Stuff you wrote for yourself. He shouldn’t have read it period, unless you gave him permission, which you did not.
Okay, now what. You’re both pretty young. He’s going to react to what he read in a pretty immature way. Jealous about thoughts you had about other guys, and butt sore that you weren’t happy with him at different times. The reality is it’s going to take a lot of time and reassurances for him to get over it. Which is not your fault, and honestly you shouldn’t have to deal with it. And if you didn’t want to put in that level of work nobody would judge you for it. It’s a lesson he will learn that will make him a better for his next relationship if you decide it’s over.
Only you know how you feel about him. I think he should be apologizing to you. But if you don’t feel that is necessary, I don’t think you should apologize to him for capturing your private thoughts. If he can’t get past this, you definitely should break up. I mean, reading you diary is a violation of your privacy. That alone requires building trust and figuring out how you’re going to move forward as a couple. After you’ve had time to cool off, talk to him and see where his head is at. If he takes it back to the same arguments and insecurities he had he’s not getting past it. You should think about moving on.
You can feel violated and the dude is a douchebag for violating your privacy. Idk if it’s break up worthy or not, but this might be a sign of more future incidents where you might not be respected. I don’t know, there’s not enough context about him, other than he did this.
But I have to say, as a boyfriend who is dating a girl with a diary/journal, I’d find it super uncomfortable and as a form of emotional cheating if my girl wrote in there about other guys, crushes and etc. while with me. It would make me feel gross and insecure as hell. I don’t know if I would be able to move on from that.
Maybe just end the relationship. I think more pointless drama awaits
Unless your diary looks like an inconspicuous notebook that is just as likely to be a math notebook, he knew exactly what he was doing. Even if it really was an accident that he opened it, he purposely started reading and kept reading to find thst much stuff. He’s the AH. I would honestly rethink this relationship. He doesn’t respect your privacy and that’s a huge, blaring red flag.
This should be a relationship-ender. A diary is basically an extended brain, and it is private. Even if discovered by accident, anyone would recognize what it is quite quickly, and if they respected you, they would put it down. It’s a deep violation. He’s not even remorseful and already has you feeling like you did something wrong. Honey, love yourself. This isn’t a good person to be with.
This reminds me of the guy who tripped and fell into a vagina and “accidentally” had a child.
No one should read your diary unless you give them permission to do so. And diary is very personal. It is your own thoughts and no one should see them without your consent. What he did is a violation of your privacy. You have every right to feel violated. You shouldn’t feel guilty. He should feel guilty for violating your privacy, and if he doesn’t, it’s time to kick him to the curb. You don’t want a partner who snoops.
NTA – Sorry he went through your diary and YOU feel guilty. It’s your damn diary. You should feel angry and violated. He overstepped.