AIW for accusing my gf for cheating on me (found pregnancy test update)

r/

Thank you all for those that commented on my post yesterday concerning my girlfriend and my belief that she cheated on me.

TLDR: gf went to visit a male friend in a different state despite my protest. About a month later, I find out she secretly bought a pregnancy test. She claims she doesn’t know where it came from. I let it go and we move on.

So as an update, I realize that although my gf and i have protested sex, the chances of me getting her pregnant is possible. However, I strongly believe that despite our intimacy, I couldn’t have possibly impregnated my gf. Not to be disgusting and personal, but I NEVER “finish” inside of her because I want to reduce our chances of having kids until we’re both ready. That’s why when I saw the pregnancy test, I immediately thought she cheated on me.

Anyways I went into a panic last night after hearing all the comments and freaked out so I went to her apartment while she was at work (she gave me a key) and I found her iPad. I tried using her birthday as the password and to my amazement it worked. I immediately go through her messages and find evidence that she in fact had sex with her friend Jesse.

I’m honestly so devastated by this and I’ve been such a nervous wreck since last night. I haven’t ate and I’ve barely slept. Yes I know what I did, secretly going through her iPad and messages was wrong, but I had to know if she was cheating on me and if that pregnancy test she secretly order was cause Jesse may have knocked her up.

Now I’m waiting to confront her but I honestly don’t know how. How do I tell my gf that I know she cheated?

Am I wrong for going through her iPad and messages? Part of me feels wrong for this but you have no idea how much it hurts to know she did this. She was my first real gf in a long time and now I feel like an after thought.

Edit: as far as I know, she is NOT pregnant. She wanted to prove this by having a few cocktails when we went to to dinner last week. There’s no baby involved, thank god.

Comments

  1. THEconstipatedDRAGON Avatar

    I’d ghost her and give her no closure. Save all the evidence.

  2. JackB041334 Avatar

    Wait till she’s at work. Go back into the apartment open the iPad again leave it on the messages that prove to you cheated. Leave your key on the iPad with a note that says we’re finished. Don’t contact me.

  3. Dangerous-End5200 Avatar

    Your plan B, you can do better. Move in.

  4. stargazered Avatar

    Not wrong, you gotta protect yourself, and you’re not stupid. Just send the evidence to the friend group, and her family and explain that side to her cheating, lying, and gaslighting, the relationship is no longer viable and you are breaking up. If you want to be extra pretty, look up his family’s info on FB and include them. Offer congratulations to both sets of grandparents to be, and wish them well.

  5. Inner_Pipe6540 Avatar

    Yes I would leave the evidence out in the open, clean out all your stuff and ghost her on all social apps and block her on your phone tell her you hope her and her baby daddy have a good time

  6. LadyIceis Avatar

    Just text her that you left the key near the door and that you 2 are over. That you read the messages and no coming back from that. Then go live a wonderful life.

    Updateme!

  7. Dazzling_Note6245 Avatar

    You don’t have to finish inside to get her pregnant. So, if she keeps the baby a paternity test would be needed to be sure.

  8. Thin-Bill4533 Avatar

    No I did the same thing I found out my wife would lie and cheating on me for 5 years she’s on her way to work she left her phone on the counter so I went to it that night I threw her out never looked back

  9. Fun_Concentrate_7844 Avatar

    Why do you have to confront her? You don’t need a reason to break off a relationship with anyone. I do like the commenters idea of leaving her iPad open to the messages, leave the key on the IPad and then block her everywhere. I would screenshot the messages just to protect yourself in the future.

  10. Aggravating-Bad-5611 Avatar

    You should get checked for STDs. Whatever you do, keep your heart and health safe. You will get through this. Cheating behaviors are common, reportedly 25% in relationships.

  11. Analisandopessoas Avatar

    He finishes and runs away, doesn’t look back. Blocks everything. Life that goes on. Traitor always traitor. If you never stay, you will trust your girlfriend. You deserve someone better.

  12. seidinove Avatar

    Not wrong. The pregnancy test, and her preposterous answers to your questions about it, caused enough concern to do some digging.

    Just say to her “I know,” leave, and block.

  13. tzweezle Avatar

    Yes you’re wrong for invading her privacy.

  14. justmeandmycoop Avatar

    Mansplaining. Don’t have sex if you don’t even know where babies come from.

  15. notsoreligiousnow Avatar

    Take screenshots as proof in case she tries to paint you as the villain. Save them for the nuclear option. Leave the iPad out where she can see it and open to the messages. Leave your key behind and anything of hers at your place. No need to leave a note. Block her ass on everything. Tell a few trusted friends in case she tries to lie and spin it.

  16. Life-Read-4328 Avatar

    First and foremost you need to save copies of the evidence. Odds are she’s going to try to turn this on you somehow and lambast you to anyone she can get to listen. Secondly, I’d go with a minimal mess strategy. Leave the ipad open to the messages with a note that says something like ‘I know the truth, we’re done. Don’t try to contact me.’ and just walk away. I’m sorry, friend.

  17. Admirable-Base2796 Avatar

    NO, plus I don’t see what you did as an invasion of privacy. She disrespected you on 3 fronts. 1 lied to you about him just being a friend. 2 lied about sleeping with him. 3 lied about the pregnancy test. Only people who claim an invasion of privacy are trying to hide something. So what you did is technically wrong, but you wanted the truth and now you have it. What you do now will define your character moving forward. Updateme

  18. Icy_Difficulty8288 Avatar

    I would just tell her what you did. The pregnancy test story was ridiculous and you knew she was lying. You had to know for yourself. I knew the second I read it she had sex with him. I feel so bad for you because I fear you are going to have trust issues now. You gave her your trust and she destroyed her. Please see a therapist. This is such a traumatic experience in your life. I want don’t want you to bring this into your next relationship. I promise you there are so many women out here who are NOT this way. 💖

  19. sillytiger91 Avatar

    I agree with them up there! Get a picture of the proof, print it, leave it for her to find, with a note of what a booboo the fool clown ass liar she is and sign it off with "your ex"! That would be the most pain free for, in case in person she emotionally breaks down on you and pleading for forgiveness. Naaaah, leave it for her to figure out, that’s real consequences of her actions.

  20. EyeGlad3032 Avatar

    just UpdateMe!

  21. Top-Spite-1288 Avatar

    Tough one: maybe confront her about the pregnancy test and in doing so give her the chance to come clean. If she brushes it off, tell her you have seen the text. You are right: entering her flat when she wasn’t there, going through her ipad wasn’t nice, but cheating on her BF with her ex ain’t nice either.

  22. PrincessPindy Avatar

    You should probably get tested for stds if you’ve been with her since she has seen him. 🤷‍♀️

  23. simplymandee Avatar

    Secretly going into someone’s home and onto their iPad is actually a criminal offence. You should be charged. Time to break up and learn how to be single.

  24. Medicus825 Avatar

    Honestly op since you know she cheated what do you expect from her now on?!
    She already betrayed you, she already gaslit you, she did him raw and let him finish inside her, she’s risking to contract a STD to you or worse when she might have been positive tested she would claim because YOU were cheating ☝🏻!!
    I only can recommend you don’t talk to her, don’t interact, block her immediately !! Don’t give her a chance to get a reaction from you or some kind of closure. Many cheaters are getting crazy if they can not explain themselves that’s why being indifferent and absolutely non-responsive is the best way to treat those imposters 🤨

  25. Goatee-1979 Avatar

    I would confront her and then kick her to the curb!

  26. Minute_Box3852 Avatar

    She doesn’t deserve a confrontation. Just msg her you know and block her. Don’t give her the benefit of closure with a confrontation. She doesn’t deserve to know how you found out and how much you know. She’ll know exactly what you mean when you message, "I know. "

  27. SagittariusDonkey Avatar

    If you already know she cheated, what’s the point of confronting her? I understand that you want to confront her and validate your concerns, but nothing will come from this confrontation. Let it go. Let her go and move on.

  28. Jmovic Avatar

    There’s being trusting, then there’s being naive. She spends all day talking to him on the phone, what did you think was happening?
    Going all that way to visit the guy she talks to all day on the phone, again, what did you think would happen?

    You only have one option, and you know what it is.

    UpdateMe

  29. TrespassersWill Avatar

    How interwoven are your lives?

    Obviously you have to dump her. The best way is with the least drama, so if you can ghost and move on, that’s ideal.

    But if that’s not possible, distract yourself from your pain by dealing with the logistics of leaving. Do you need a place to stay? Are there money issues to work out?

    If you don’t want to tell her about the iPad, just tell her you want to break up. Tell her you’re breaking up over Jesse. Tell her you’re breaking up because you don’t believe her about the test. It’s not a court if law, you can break up for whatever you want.

    And if she is so offended at you invading her privacy, let her do you the favor of dumping you over it.

    If she had been pregnant with Jesse’s baby, what are the chances you’d have ended up fathering his child?

    If she got an STD from raw sex with him, what are the chances she would have told you to protect you?

    It is impossible to imagine what good will come from a confrontation. You can’t believe anything she will tell you in response. Whatever explanation or excuse will be a desperate lie, not an honest sharing.

  30. BzhizhkMard Avatar

    You did it and dodged a bullet. Get out now, grieve and find a better one. Hunt is on after this so go heal up a bit.

  31. Red_Crane_lives Avatar

    Snooping is a risk. Find nothing and you’re an AH. Find something and they are the AH. Congrats! You are not the AH. She cheated act accordingly.

  32. richardsworldagain Avatar

    Send her a message, I know what you did I have the proof and we are over.
    Make sure you have a copy of the evidence just in case she denies it.
    Tell everyone what she did.

  33. ____unloved____ Avatar

    >However, I strongly believe that despite our intimacy, I couldn’t have possibly impregnated my gf.

    Get this type of thinking out of your head, for your own sake if nothing else. Every single time you have sex with a woman, you run the risk of getting her pregnant, no matter the precautions you take.

    Life, uh, finds a way.

    Good luck, and may you have a better future than present.

  34. Lisa_Knows_Best Avatar

    Take whatever stuff you might have from her house. Mail her key back with a note that says "I hope he was worth it" then ghost her. She gets no respect.

  35. scotswaehey Avatar

    Buddy get all her things from your house and take them to hers when she is at work. Leave them where she can see them and leave a note with her Key that says “ I know” nothing else and block and ghost and move on with your life as honestly she doesn’t deserve any kind of closure from you at all and it will drive her crazy as she will be seeking to find out what you know and how much you know because you just know about the friend there could be others too you never know!

    Edit also take screenshots of the messages as rock solid proof as 100% she’s gonna be telling people how controlling and abusive you are.

  36. HeartAccording5241 Avatar

    I wouldn’t say looking at her iPad if you lived with her but you don’t give her key back and just leave her alone

  37. ChrisInBliss Avatar

    Honestly because of the lying etc etc. I’d just text her and simply say "I know you cheated. We’re done. I’ve left your key/stuff at your house. Please dont contact me again."

  38. adnyp Avatar

    Leave her. Leave all her stuff at her place, don’t miss a thing, and take anything of yours. Get screenshots. Leave her key. Leave a note. “I know. I have definite proof. If you tell any lies about me or about the reason for the end of our relationship I will protect myself.” Take pictures of her stuff, key and note in her apartment with a time stamp. Block her. Zero contact. No need to spread anything around about her unless she makes false claims or accusations about you.

    Move on. She’ll be wondering how you know, how much you know and what evidence you might have. She might even wonder if you talked to Jesse. Let here chew on that. She’d be better off if she didn’t have to find out.

    There’s a better person out there who will both love and respect you. Don’t settle for anything less. Good luck, happier future!

  39. lollipopmusing Avatar

    FYI dude just because you’re pulling out doesn’t mean you won’t get a girl pregnant. Seriously do some actual research on this because one day you’re going to get a a girl pregnant with this "method" and cause drama because you don’t understand that pulling out doesn’t fucking work

  40. claverhouse01 Avatar

    As if her drinking alcohol proves she’s not pregnant!

  41. Niodia Avatar

    Just an FYI OP

    You don’t need to finish IN her.

    There have been many pregnancies caused by precum.

    Nutting just shoots out a whole lot at once, there’s still sperm in precum that can make a baby.

  42. NoRoleModelHere Avatar

    I would divorce my wife is she even suggested visiting another man, much less going on vacation to his house. Men and women don’t fucking do that. It’s fucking weird and almost exclusively is one of them wanting to fuck the other. In the future you need to set a boundary for yourself: no significant opposite sex friends. I’m a grown ass man and I have never seen that scenario not play out exactly like this.

    You are not preventing anyone from having opposite sex friends. You are simply maintaining a rule or standard for a woman in a relationship with you. I’ve never met a woman that would allow overnight trips to see female friends.

  43. Mammoth_Seaweed_6123 Avatar

    Just a quick comment on your…birth control…methods; the substance that comes out before “finishing,” sometimes even early on during the act, can absolutely fertilize an egg.

    So that’s a really terrible form of birth control and you should use a condom if you’re that concerned about a baby.

  44. stevvandy Avatar

    Your are not wrong for searching the Ipad. Not when it comes to cheating.

    UpdateMe!

  45. GellyG42 Avatar

    NTA

    I guess invading someone’s privacy isn’t exactly right but you needed to know the truth for me that trumps her expectation of privacy.

    She can scream it was wrong all she wants, she cheated she has no moral high ground here.

    A full post mortem of what she did won’t really help, accept that things will feel really shitty for a while but you’re better of knowing what she’s really like so you can move on with your life

  46. fgbTNTJJsunn Avatar

    Take some pics of the evidence in case u need it later.
    Shoot her a quick "I’m breaking up with you." Text and then block her.
    Do not let her in your apartment.

  47. rocketmn69_ Avatar

    Don’t say anything, let her hang herself. Take anything thatbyou have of hers back to her apartment and leavr the key.
    When she says she is pregnant, just tell her, " Goodbye. I hope Jesse makes a good father"

    Screen shot all her messages and send them to her friends and and family, tell them she’s now pregnant.

    Get on her i-pad and send him a message, then delete it, "Dude, you knocked me up. I don’t know what to do. My bf is suspicious and is watching my messages! I need you to come so that we can talk. I’m panicking"

  48. No-Worker-5761 Avatar

    She cheated on you. Do not engage, move on, she does not like you

  49. foxystevie08 Avatar

    Bro, you can still get girls pregnant without finishing inside them.
    Significantly less likely, but still possible

  50. Suziannie Avatar

    There’s still a chance, even if you don’t finish and have protection you can get pregnant. I’d look for other proof rather than jumping to the conclusion you have, sometimes, believe it or not, periods are late from time to time for many reasons and if you’re sexually active that’s your first thought. Tests are a cheap way to fix anxiety surrounding why you’re late.

  51. Financial_Weekend_73 Avatar

    Not wrong it you found out the truth….

  52. broadsharp2 Avatar

    No need to confront her. No need at all.

    Just block and never speak to her again.

    Get your shit together. Get your head on straight and move on.

  53. elchocholoco Avatar

    RemindMe! 1 week

  54. dartron5000 Avatar

    You don’t live together so just ghost her. She doesn’t deserve a explanation.

  55. Proud_Cartoonist8950 Avatar

    You are the king of the undecided and the naive. What else do you need to leave this girl?

  56. therealzacchai Avatar

    You need better birth control, my dude.

    Also, sorry about this relationship. Next one will be better. But wrap that thing up.

  57. brokenankleallie2 Avatar

    I have a hard time believing these stories. It’s always “I found evidence they cheated!” and never “I was a paranoid asshole, my bad!”

  58. marla-M Avatar

    You know you were wrong for basically breaking in to her place to look at her iPad. Key or not you didn’t have permission to be there. But once you reach a point where you have to go to these lengths to confirm cheating the relationship is over already anyway. She is gross and you are right to dump her but that doesn’t mean you didn’t cross a big boundary.

  59. Past_Gear_4310 Avatar

    Your not wrong. It blows my mind when cheaters use the you invaded my privacy crap. You don’t even have to explain how you know. You just need to have it be over. You will never be able to trust her again. She will turn on the water works and say it was one mistake. It wasn’t. It was carefully thought out and planned. As a side note. You don’t need to finish to have swimmers in your fluid. Don’t even need penetration to have them make it to the prize. It’s gonna hurt for a while. The angry phase is on its way. You got this. There is better out there.

  60. HighJeanette Avatar

    You need sex education

  61. bananarepama Avatar

    With the iPad, you should’ve screenshot/taken photos of the proof for your own use. God damn, she’s not very smart is she? She places a secret order for a pregnancy test and then asks you to go pick it up? How stupid and arrogant can you get?

    Don’t let her get away with this shit. Whatever manipulative shit she tries when you confront her, don’t fall for it. Get her out of your life. If this is a real post, the audacity is baffling.

  62. Goatee-1979 Avatar

    How’s it feel to be plan B? Confront her and then kick her ass to the curb! You deserve better!

  63. Kisses4Kimmy Avatar

    Idk what you have to talk to her about. Just break up, leave her key under her mat and be done with it.

  64. NihilistTeddy3 Avatar

    I’m sorry, man. It happens to the best of us. Get proof, send it to her, and then block her on everything. She doesn’t deserve anything else from you.

  65. Regular-Switch454 Avatar

    I’m not going to touch the ‘was I wrong to violate her privacy’ aspect. I’m sure it’s been answered.

    You said you could not possibly impregnate her if you do not ejaculate inside her. That is completely false. Pulling out has a 20% failure rate.

    Bone up on your sex education. Pun intended.

  66. 2REPOU Avatar

    No need to confront. You don’t need proof or evidence to break up with someone. Just tell her you’re done. No explanation required. If you feel it necessary, you can simply say you have lost trust. You know the truth. Simple as that.

  67. Aware-Control-2572 Avatar

    Why bother to confront her? You’ve found out the truth and you now know you can’t trust her, ever. Once a cheater always a cheater. You’ll never trust her and will always be checking up on her. That’s not a healthy relationship to have . So save yourself years of heartache and dump her.

  68. One_Tap_6195 Avatar

    To be honest going through your Girlfriends phone is ACCEPTABLE if you have a feeling that she was doing shady shit and of course she did fuck him. Take many screenshots and straight up tell her you know everything. If she gets defensive that’s more of a reason for you to leave 🤷🏽‍♀️Personally, I can never stay with someone after getting cheated on and disrespected.

  69. Aydenator20 Avatar

    Ah this was one of the signs I found when my ex was cheating, a secret pregnancy test despite it not being possible for me to get her pregnant. I also tried to move past it and finally got her to confess a few weeks later. Much better off since leaving her, hope you take time to focus on you man.

  70. degausser187 Avatar

    You don’t HAVE to confront her, you know. You can just kick her out with no explanation and be done. I don’t understand why human nature is to create drama.

  71. Shmooperdoodle Avatar

    You can get a girl pregnant even if you don’t finish in her. Leave her if you want, but for the love of god, that is not “protected” sex. That is not even family planning. Jesus Christ.

  72. cfleis1 Avatar

    You don’t have to explain anything. You don’t even have to give her a reason why you’re breaking up. Just say “this isn’t working for me, I no longer want to be in a relationship with you. Please pick up your stuff etc.”

  73. Patient_Meaning_2751 Avatar

    In a solid relationship, couples don’t have secrets and don’t behave suspiciously. So I absolutely disagree with the notion that a person should not look through their SO’s phone if the So is doing suspicious things, like going out of town with another man and leaving a pregnancy test out. Of course you should look!

    Also, don’t tell her that you know. Just ghost the bitch. It will make her CRAZY, and she deserves that.

  74. Comprehensive-Sun954 Avatar

    Oh so you’re using the pull out method. She should probably have tests all the time then. It’s only a matter of time

  75. KukaaKatchou Avatar

    Just dump her and move on.