My friend Alex (female) and I are in our mid 30s. Alex, who works full time as an administrative assistant also has a younger sister named Lisa, who is 22. Lisa is currently in college and works at a clothing store at a local mall. I consider both of them friends but Alex and I recently got into a fight over money loaned to Lisa.
Alex was at work and sent me a text asking if I could send Lisa $20 via Apple Pay since she claims to be having technical issues with her Apple Pay. She sends me a screen shot of Lisa asking to borrow $20 and the prompt from her phone indicating that payment failed for whatever reason.
I decide to help and Apple Pay Lisa $20 and Lisa thanks me and says she will pay me back as soon as she gets her new debit card set up.
Three days after the fact and I still have yet to see Lisa repay me. I text her to see if she intends to pay me.
“I thought that was a gift.” She texts.
“Gift for?” I reply.
“For being such a sweet and loving younger sister. 😇”
“We’re not related.”
“But I’ve grown up with you in our lives so you’re like a big brother to me. You wouldn’t ask your younger sister to pay you back for just $20 would you?”
“I mean you said you’d pay me back. You work after all.”
Lisa doesn’t respond back to me but about an hour later, I get a call from Alex.
“You asked Lisa to pay you back?” Alex asks.
“Well yeah you asked me to loan her $20 and she even said she’d pay me back.” I reply.
“But she’s only 22 and works in retail. You can’t just let $20 slide?”
“Well then you pay me back then. She asked you originally.”
“That’s messed up though. You make over 100k a year while Lisa works retail and I barely make above minimum wage while taking care of kids. So I think you should just let this $20 slide for everyone involved.”
“Ok well $20 isn’t that much to me, sure but it’s the principle of the matter to me. She asked for money and said she’d pay me back but now is trying to guilt trip me. What’s to say that she won’t do this again later or for larger amounts of money?” I ask.
“Listen if it’s really that big of a deal to you, I’ll pay you the $20 but just remember that God sees all and always provides so you asking a kid to repay you when you don’t really needs it does not look well on the eyes of the lord.” Alex says. Forgot to mention that Alex is a devout Christian.
It’s been a few hours and I have not heard from either Alex or Lisa nor have I seen any money sent my way. In a way I feel slightly guilty since my income is significantly larger than both of theirs (not trying to flex).
Am I wrong for asking Lisa to repay such a small amount of money?
Comments
Not wrong, but if I do lend money to “friends” I assume it will not be paid back. So I don’t usually lend anything.
YNW, but look, this is a very cheap price you’ve paid to know that you can’t do this again in the future. Imagine if it had been $200, or more. Probably would go about the same. But now you know.
Just let it slide. If these relationships have any value, it’s certainly more than $20. Instead of thinking of it as a gift, or a loan, just think of it as a price that you paid for information. You learned something worth more than $20. Be happy about *that*, and let that let you mend these relationships and go on with your life.
No but it seems awfully petty. You’re going to los a friend over it. How much energy are you going to spend on this. I’d let it go and never give he money again. Consider it your good deed of the day.
YNW. Also, you have learned something significant about both of these people. They clearly will attempt to take advantage of you relating to issues of money. Now that you know this, you get to decide how you want them in your life
Also, if my sister asked to borrow money and I loaned it to her, I would expect her to pay me back and she would pay me back.
She asked for a loan and you made a loan.
I love when Christians use the God sees all because I reply with neither a borrower nor a lender be give me my money back and never ask me again. You’re not wrong. Fake Christians are so annoying
Best $20 you ever spent. You found 2 fake friends to toss in the trash.
It cost you $20 to get 2 bad friends out of your life! Way to Go!
YNW. They asked for a loan then got offended when you asked to be repaid. $20 is a cheap price to find out how terrible they are.
NW, I don’t care if it’s $20. If you borrow, you pay back. Period. These
are not friends.
Now you know these are not friends but are users.
YNW
Remind your “Christian” friend that Jesus said to render unto Caesar what was Caesar’s, and that she promised repayment – or was she lying? Isn’t lying a sin?
She owes you $20. Period.
YNW. it only cost $20 for you to find out they aren’t friends and are scum users.
Definitely not wrong and the principle is most important here. They went to some length to create a ruse and then went from mental gymnastics to the Bible to get $20.
If she’d just been honest in the beginning, you may have offered this as a gift from the beginning. Sounds like they decided you’d be an amicable mark based on friendship and your current salary.
This reminds me of some money I gave out recently that caused no dent to my wallet but- since they offered to repay it-I agreed. Months later…No repayment and now I consider it the cost of knowing their true character.
You are bot wrong. Also don’t feel guilty about asking to be re-paid. You need to re-instate it is not the ammount it is the principle that was agreed to be a loan and not a gift. About your friend Alex tell him “The lord sees all things and you wouldn’t want you and your sister to be seem as fucking(optional floral language depending on the friendship) liars by him would you? If the next time she needs some help like this ask for a gift instead of a loan and we will have no issue but if I don’t charge it back now the lord will you see both of you as liars who ask for loans and don’t repay”. To be honest I already gave a couple of friends hundreds of dollars and no asks I don’t even keep tabs. Both my current girlfriend and previous ex prob got more than thousands just from snacks but if they say “I will pay you back” after asking I will charge the full ammount no matter who it is and will even put notes to not forget regardless of ammount.
YNW but honestly I would them send a text back. „If you honestly would have asked for 20$ I would have gifted you the 20$. But you asked for a loan, were telling you pay me back. But you are right, the 20$ were not to much to learn how much you respect me and how much you are staying to your word just because you think I have to much money. Thanks for that and I wish you a nice life, hope the 20$ were worth to threat our friendship like sh-t.“
This isn’t about $20, it’s about getting played by your friend.
Not wrong. She said she’d pay you back. She didn’t. She’s a liar.
Don’t lend either of them money or anything ever again.
I’d also let her know God doesn’t like liars either.
There’s a scene in The Bronx Tale where C is upset a friend didn’t give back $20. Sonny tells him, “It cost you $20 to get rid of him. He’s out of your life for $20. You got off cheap.”
NW
But in the future, consider any money you lend to a friend or family member to be gone forever. Even with the best of intentions, these sorts of loans rarely get repaid.
It is a small amount of money to you, as opposed to what the amount is to Lisa or Alex. If you haven’t yet been repaid, I would drop the issue and let it lie on the ground between you. You and Alex (and Lisa) all know you gave Lisa a loan, she said she’d repay and now is reneging on that. If she has decided not to repay it, that’s where it will stay. You can push the issue with Lisa, and with Alex, but it will just make a huge hole in your relationship. Only you can say if that’s worth it.
On your side, a loan should be repaid. Period. If someone says they will repay it, and then doesn’t, it makes them look bad, especially if they want to “borrow” more money from you in the future. Lisa’s attitude is short-sighted at least. If she is in financial straightened conditions, she may need to borrow more money sometime, and not having paid you back gives you a perfect reason not to give it to her.
If you ever do give her more money, you should do so as a gift and not expect any repayment, ever. Sorry.
She brought God into it after lying and stealing? You just paid $20 to find out your friend is a narcissist. I’d call it a bargain.
No matter how much you borrowed you pay it back. Gifts are plainly spoken and wrapped up in a gift box!
not wrong It’s kind of shady to turn it into a guilt trip after the fact, especially when you were just trying to help. People’s financial situations matter, sure, but honesty and respect go a long way regardless of income.
$20 ain’t terrible for finding out your friend is an entitled asshole. Make new friends, block these bitches and move on.
YNW. They aren’t your friends. They’re trash.
Alex isn’t a devout Christian.
If you let this slide, you tell them that they are entitled to your money because they perceive that you are rich and have throwaway money.
Not wrong but I would write off the twenty bucks and find better friends. Don’t get me started on her God shaming you! What a poor excuse for a Christian!
OP, Everyone else here might disagree with me, but if you REALLY make over 100K a year, you should not have even hesitated to give Lisa the $20 and never asked to be repaid. I’ve given money away hundreds of times to friends and never expected anything in return, but I am ALWAYS repaid back in kind with gifts or baked goods.
You’re acting petty and selfish, and are willing to let this fray a friendship? Yea, you’re wrong. But you be you.
Psalm 37:21 “The wicked borrows but does not pay back, but the righteous is generous and gives.”
Also, they said they would pay you back. Now they’re saying they won’t. “Thou shalt not bear false witness.” (Don’t lie.)
God sees them, too. As others have already said, never lend money you can’t afford to lose. Now you know for next time.
Not wrong
I’d find new friends.
They’re not your friends, but why does he know how much you make a year?? that’s not information you should be sharing with anyone. And the fact that he casually brought it up, means that this was something that has been discussed before. Perhaps he and Lisa both thought since you make that much that they can just con you out of the $20.
I’d remind your friend that the lord does not look well on
>“Listen if it’s really that big of a deal to you, I’ll pay you the $20
I would flat-out answer “it is really that big of a deal to me”.
Quite the guilt trip for 20 bux. I’d start looking for new friends. Sounds a but extreme, but that’s how I roll.
Not wrong.
Tell both friend and Lisa that if they’d simply asked for the money, you’d probably have given it as a gift.
Your problem is that they asked for a loan, said they would pay you back, but apparently never expected to. That’s called lying. And you don’t like being lied to.
And if they pull some religious angle, ask them what Jesus said about liars?
You’ve been had! Write it off and NEVER lend either of them money again.
‘”Friends” don’t steal from you. You had a verbal contract which they broke. Then they manipulated you into feeling guilty about their bad behavior.
Write the 20.00 off and the fake friendship. When they start telling people you left the friendship over 20.00 correct them and say you ended the friendship over lies and a lack of respect. Not wrong. Don’t lend money to bums anymore.
Definitely the ah
>God sees all and always provides so you asking a kid to repay you when you don’t really needs it does not look well on the eyes of the lord
I think God hates liars more.
These are NOT your friends. People like this will attach themselves to others who they perceive have more than they do (male and female) and will take and take whatever they can because they feel like you (and anyone else with more than they do) “owe” them. They’ll suck up to you when they want something, assume that you’ll pay for all outings, you can’t even be happy or excited about something without a shitty “mUsT bE nICe!!”
I was around your age when the BS started. I’m 45 now and only hang around a very small, curated group of people. I have NO patience for it anymore.
Watch your stuff, money, valuables around them because they do/will steal and brag about it to other losers. Again “you OWE them” and so do stores, employers, SOs, “friends”. Stay away and hang out with a better caliber of people.
Not wrong, but that friendship is running in its last legs. Either you let it slide and resent them for guilt tripping you or you get the money back and they resent you for asking for the money.
Also never loan out money to friends or family if you can’t afford to lose it (or the friend/family ‘)
Consider the $20 a lesson learned and a warning to never give either of them any larger amounts of money that you are not comfortable losing forever. Cheap price to pay to find out someone is trying to basically scam you bc you’re in a better financial position. All the lip service after is just excuses and guilt tripping, and it sounds like it worked.
This is a great moment for OP, to cut these freeloaders out of their life. NTA, those two aren’t friends or decent people. Cut ties and take the W
NOT WRONG And you have every reason to be grateful that losing these two leeches only cost you $20. Time to terminate the friendship because they are not good people with values that are compatible with yours. Be icy and Not Friends with them because they are Entitled Users.
The only thing you’re “wrong” about is thinking these people are friends. YOU might see them as friends, but they see you as an ATM.
These are not friends. Personally, I would let the friendship fade into oblivion. Their promises are so much hot air.
You are not wrong. I would let it slide but would never ever loan either of them another dime. Because to them a loan is a gift and that’s not how gifts work.
NO, you are not wrong.
They don’t get to decide that you gift Lisa $20.
I’d NEVER lend them another dime ever.
This frustrates me. I am really to the penny with money. I don’t like unexpected expenses. My friends and I went to dinner, we just split the bill equally. To a point, that is fine, but I get frustrated because I don’t drink, and don’t order drinks, and everyone else does. One particular meal a friend ordered a $30 GLASS OF WINE. Look, I will split our food when it is close, but SERIOUSLY?
So because this was framed as a loan, yeah, I get it. I might let it go (like I do with the meals) but it is annoying. And while I don’t expect to be paid back like that, if it were me that asked you to send it to my little sister, I would have paid you, and if I wanted the money from my sister, I would get it from her.
YNW you don’t ask someone for a “loan” when you don’t actually intend to pay them back. If she forgot,.that’s called a lie… Which the Lord Almighty also doesn’t appreciate
Edit send her a venmo request
YNW. I learnt to stop lending money to friends, because some of them would make me feel like the bad person for asking for it back.
Not Wrong! They’re trying to BS you. They had no intention on paying you back. Move on from them and it only cost $20
Not wrong. I’d accept the 20 loss, be grateful it was only 20 and never speak to them again. They manipulated you
You’re not wrong. These women are your friends because you pay for things.
Fake story
Never loan more than $20…that’s a cheap lesson in why you don’t lend friends and family money
Keep the friends and stop loaning them money.
If they bail, they aren’t your friends.
> Lisa thanked me and says she will pay me back as soon as she gets her new debit card set up.
I’d ask your friend why his sister promised to pay you back if this was a gift. Did she think it was a good idea to lie to you to get money that she never intended to repay? Does he think God approves of her intentionally lying to you?
Do not lend either any money . Take it as a lesson learned . They will try and guilt you . Your life and achievements are yours .
Apparently, they don’t pay attention to the parts of their buybull that tell them not to lie or cheat or steal.