We have all heard some pretty creative excuses for cheating, but one boyfriend on Reddit just reached for a reason so high-altitude it might actually be in orbit. Usually, when a partner gets caught, they go for the classic “it meant nothing” or the ever-popular “I was drunk,” but this 29-year-old man has decided to skip the excuses and go straight for a “scientific” breakthrough. Imagine thinking you can convince your girlfriend of three years that your s*xual orientation is essentially a weather pattern that changes based on your elevation.
The Original Poster (OP) is a 28-year-old woman who has been in a committed relationship for three years. Her boyfriend travels to Utah occasionally for work, which sounds innocent enough until a coworker-turned-friend sent the OP a text that would change everything. The message was simple: her boyfriend had cheated on her with a guy from the customer care team. At first, the OP was in total denial. Her boyfriend had always identified as straight, and she just couldn’t wrap her brain around the betrayal.
When he finally got home, she sat him down, fully expecting him to laugh it off as some weird office rumor. Instead, he got quiet, sat her down, and confessed that it was true. He had a one-night stand with a man. Naturally, she asked if he was coming out as gay or bis*xual, but that is when the conversation took a turn into the twilight zone. He insisted he was still 100% straight, but that the “strangest thing” happened while he was at dinner with his coworkers.
According to this modern-day philosopher, the higher altitudes of Utah had an impact on his “brain chemistry” and emotions, causing him to “suddenly become gay” for the night. He claims that as soon as he landed back at sea level, his heteros*xuality was restored like a bad Wi-Fi signal. It is a level of gaslighting that requires a literal mountain range to pull off. He actually expects the OP to believe that his s*xual attraction is as fickle as a bag of potato chips that puffs up when you drive into the mountains.
But wait, it gets even better. When the OP did the sane thing and suggested they break up because, hello, he still cheated, he looked at her with total confusion. He argued that it wasn’t his fault because “human actions are just a byproduct of accidental brain chemistry.” He actually tried to frame his hookup as a “medical and scientific” event that was entirely out of his control. He is acting bewildered that she’s angry, as if he just sneezed or got a nosebleed instead of making the conscious choice to go to bed with a coworker.
The OP is so stunned by his confidence that she is actually starting to wonder if she’s the “rube” in this situation. She is asking the internet if it’s possible to accidentally change your orientation due to altitude and if she’s “overreacting” by throwing away a three-year relationship. Girl, let us tell you: the only thing high in this situation is the level of absolute bullsh!t coming out of his mouth.
Let’s be real for a second: if altitude turned people gay, the Colorado Rockies would be the world’s largest pride parade 365 days a year. There is no “medical or scientific” evidence that suggests a few thousand feet of elevation can make a straight man suddenly crave the customer care team. The only “brain chemistry” at play here is the dopamine hit he got from a new hookup and the panic-induced creativity he’s using to avoid the consequences of being an ahole.
The fact that he’s acting like the OP is being “rude and weird” for wanting to break up after he cheated is the ultimate b!tch move. He is trying to pathologize his infidelity so he doesn’t have to take accountability. If he can convince her that it was a “temporary medical condition,” he doesn’t have to be the bad guy. But unless he was struck by a very specific, orientation-altering bolt of lightning, he chose to do what he did.
The OP is not overreacting. In fact, she’s being incredibly calm for someone whose boyfriend just tried to blame a mountain for his “extracurricular” activities. Cheating is a choice, not an altitude-related symptom. If he’s that sensitive to elevation, maybe he should stay away from tall buildings, or better yet, stay away from other people’s beds.
A three-year relationship is a long time, but it’s not long enough to spend the rest of your life with someone who thinks you’re stupid enough to believe this. If he’s willing to lie this hard about something this ridiculous, imagine what he’ll say when he gets a speeding ticket or forgets an anniversary. “Sorry babe, the humidity levels really impacted my memory of our wedding date.” It’s a slippery slope of nonsense that no one should have to hike up.
So, NTA (Not the Ahole). The OP needs to pack his bags and send him back to the mountains where he apparently feels more “authentic.” He isn’t confused; he’s a liar who got caught and decided to test out a sci-fi script to see if it would stick. She should dump him, stay at sea level, and find someone whose loyalty doesn’t drop when the elevation rises.
What would you do if your partner tried to blame “brain chemistry” and Utah for a one-night stand? Is there any world where you’d believe this “scientific” explanation, or would you be calling a moving truck before he could finish his sentence? Let us know in the comments if this guy deserves a Darwin Award for the world’s worst excuse!
lol funny stuff !! You know and I know that he had a gay encounter because he’s bis*xual but won’t admit it so he’s untrustworthy tell him not to let the door hit him on the way out