Hi, this might sound stupid but I’ve been talking with my friend (it’s quite difficult to explain our relationship but act more than friends but less than lovers) daily around a year but been friends for 3 years and only recently we’ve been drifting apart due my issues. For some reason I’ve always isolated myself to think alone instead with her, but I’ve always communicated my feelings through with her to understand a bit.
Maybe this is where drift from the label of ‘friends’ because shes always allowed me to be possessive to her to an extent like to get her attention and shes always said that its fine if I get jealous over her liking other people and that she’ll talk it through with me. Shes always been able to talk about things that I’ve brought up as issues, she says she mutually feels the same as me with my intensity but I can’t seem to understand why that is. It might sound stupid but I’ve gotten mad at her for not creating small talk with me during exams because I’ve always liked talking to her, but she doesn’t seem to like small talk and after that we took a month break (December to January) from each other because I asked her to.
It’s difficult to explain but somehow every month it feels like my feelings take ahold of my actions and makes me admit and distance myself to her more and more, it drives me nuts. To get to the point, I ghosted her for all of March because I was terrified of the person I was becoming because of her, I don’t know how to put it into words but I used to be an emotional and angry person and shes bringing that past part of me back when before I used to be a neutral and calm and reserved person.
I didn’t know how to confront or admit that to her and I couldn’t stomach talking to her so I didn’t speak to her, I also had family issues where I got kicked out my house for 2 weeks and I didn’t feel like I was stable enough to talk to her. It was only yesterday that I messaged her (we’re long distance) about my feelings and why I took so long but I haven’t gotten a “seen ## hours ago”, and she’s privated all other accounts so I can’t see if shes even on her phone. I feel awful and my stomach hurts and i’m overthinking everything and I’m wondering if I’m overreacting and should give her more time since I didn’t write her a short message but I’m also scared she just randomly dropped me during that month.
Sorry if this didn’t make any sense I’m trying to get words out but if anyone has questions i’m free to answer. Quite literally, I need something to distract me while waiting for her response.
TL;DR I have a relationship with someone whose more than a friend but less than a lover to me, I’ve communicated my intense feelings (jealously, possessiveness and anger) with her that I’ve worked through with her despite distancing myself before talking with me. Recently I ghosted her for a month because shes turning back into this emotional and aggressive person I was previously and I just messaged her communicating about it yesterday but she seems to have privated everything and to ghost social media in general and I have no idea what to do/feel.
Comments
Just because someone says it’s “okay” with them if you behave in unhealthy ways towards them doesn’t mean that you should.
Lots of teens (even when I was a teen in early 2000s) it was the norm to hear “I let my GF/BF tell me what to do. I like it.’ But that doesn’t negate that it is unhealthy/toxic.
You guys had/have a very toxic and admittedly weird dynamic that is actually not doing any good for either party. You guys need to cut the cord. Focus on finding a partner or get closer to the other friendships you have that are ‘normal’ so to speak.