i really love my boyfriend— he’s every girl’s dream, not quite romcom but romcom compared to the rest in my generation, but i have avoidant attachment style and feel so stuck and suffocated being in a relationship. dont get me wrong, i love him a lot and he’s been nothing but kind and caring and understanding to me and my boundaries but still i find myself frequently questioning myself if i should break up with him (we’re completing 9 months next month, and ever since we started going out basically i’ve been questioning myself about this) because i just feel so suffocated being in a relationship, especially since its my first
im scared because what if i regret it? I feel like i will, because at the same time that i feel i want to break up with him, i also feel like i dont. but i cant tell if thats just me being scared of being alone or not. my mom loves him, his mom loves me, and it seems like the perfect high school sweethearts tale
its especially tough because we’re in the same friend group and i’d actually crash out if the group divided and it was awkward because of this (especially since whatever happens, i still care for him a lot and want to continue being friends if we DO break up)
i feel like such an asshole for feeling like this (and i probably am) but i cant stop feeling like this at least once a month since we started going out. it usually goes away, but im starting to feel physically sick thinking about this
what do i do?? pick up therapy? tough it out a couple of months to see if im just being crazy and its just my avoidant attachment style acting up? do i break up?? please help
TLDR: idk if my ‘will’ to break up with my boyfriend is fruit of my avoidant attachment style or something i actually want