My BF (37) has a dog Annie, that he absolutelly adores and puts on first place in his life.. I love his dog. She is really sweet, amazing girl and I generally like all dogs, so that is ok. My problem is, that he…..does things for her he doesnt do for me….Like I understand loving a dog is easier than loving a person, cause they dont argue with you, are not moody, are always happy when they see you. But for example….he wakes up earlier than me on the weekend, I like to stay in bed longer in the morning. He usually leaves bed as soon as he wakes up. I sometimes ask him to stay in bed longer, so we can cuddle…..maybe more…..but he always has to leave straight away. BUT when Annie comes to bed, he stays and cuddles her until she leaves. Also…we have a sofa and armchair in the living room. He prefers to sit in his armchair when watching TV….but that is just for one person. When on the sofa, we can cuddle. I sometimes ask him to come to sofa, so I can cuddle him while he watches/plays xbox….sometimes he hesitantly agrees. But when Annie is on the sofa, he never hesitates to sit there. He several times suggested I dont like Annie….but I explained to him, that is not true..I love her, I cuddle her, I take her on walks, there is no negative behaviour towards her from me….I told him I love her too…that my problem is not with her, it is with him showing her more love than to me…and I miss that. Now we are going for a holidays..for 10 days. When we were choosing where, first we were planning to go to the sea, then he said it would be too hot there, for Annie, so maybe not. We have chosen different country because of other reasons,….but like…..would it be too much to want to have a week with him (our only holidasy this year) without her?…or like have a place with air conditioning and walk her early in the mornirng/late in the afternoon? In the end we are going with Annie….Among the trips we make, I suggested of all the days, we make 2 trips without her (one is the castle – no dogs permitted, one is hike, that can be hard for dogs, because of many steps). He refused, saying, that we are going for a holidays to enjoy family time, also with Annie. AM I too crazy to expect, sometimes, it can be just about me? like they say, even if you have kids, you should put your partner first….and he says she is like a kid to him….so yeah, I should be put sometimes first too. LIke I am not expecting him to love the dog less, I love her too. But like..to do some things for me as his partner too. So, I am I oversensitiveor is my reaction too much? Sorry for the long post
For reference…we dated for 2 years like 6 years ago, then we split up. He had no dog back then. We got in contact somehow again 2 years ago and are dating since then. She has Annie since then too.
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nope he needs to date his dog atp.
Yeah it sounds like he’s not giving you much priority. Can he not consider getting a sitter for his dog so that you can both spend some quality time together? He sounds like a bit of a lousy lover tbh.
>For reference…we dated for 2 years like 6 years ago, then we split up. He had no dog back then. We got in contact somehow again 2 years ago and are dating since then. She has Annie since then too.
I wonder if he’s pulling this crap on purpose honestly, with the putting the dog so obviously over you. Petty revenge on his part, maybe?
You aren’t jealous of the dog. He clearly uses the dog as a coping mechanism, and that’s not going to change. It doesn’t seem like he likes you very much, unfortunately.
Not overreacting. Dogs are amazing, as any pet is, and they are definitely part of the family. But that doesn’t mean that you should be put last and your relationship should revolve around Annie. Your boyfriend definitely needs to step it up and ensure he nourishes your relationship, too.
You are not too jealous—you’ve given very clear examples of him putting her needs first whereas in those exact situations he won’t do the same for you when you are the one with the need. This feels to me like a deal-breaker if he won’t hear you out and make some changes.
I hear you. It can be frustrating when you want your SO’s undivided attention however, your boyfriend’s affection for his dog is actually a beautiful thing. If you had a child that he neglected in favor of the dog, that would be different. That said, he’s not neglecting you, he’s just including his beloved dog in his daily life. If you really have a problem with it, sit him down and share how you feel in a non combative way and suggest a possible dog sitter for the trip to the castle and if he really isn’t willing to compromise, you can choose to leave the relationship. I know it sounds harsh but relationships with pets can be sacred to the pet owner.
Nah, you’re not crazy. You’re asking for the basic human attention a partner should give, not competing with a dog. If he treats Annie better than you, that’s a problem, not you. Holidays are for you two,not just puppy playdates. He’s prioritizing a dog over his girlfriend, and that’s not subtle.
He’s triangulating you with his dog. Creepy.
The dog relies on him, only has him. You don’t. You can let him know you feel your needs arent being met in terms of affection or whatever, but dont make this about the dog. And i fully disagree about partner coming before kids. People who are dependent on you come before your fully capable adult partner. If you cant handle that he has a dog who is important to him, then you shouldnt be dating him. Imo, it should be a green flag that he cares about his dogs needs.