We are in our early thirties. She and I have been married for 8 years. Have they been perfect? Absolutely not. We have had our issues, but in my mind, one thing has been certain, our love for each other. We both have issues with our mental health that we have been battling through. At the beginning of our marriage, I had to get a second job to help us survive. We both worked for schools so there was no money over summer. This led to a lot of domestic duties to fall on her. It’s been a vicious cycle of poor money choices and feeling like we are stuck. I’ve had moments when I see how unfair it is for her to have all of those responsibilities and I recognize it. I change. And I slip back into things. I’m trying to recognize my flaws which are many. She hasn’t been perfect. She cheated on me a year into our marriage. It wasn’t physical but it was through text. I caught her, we went to counseling and that honestly changed a ton. For both of us. We got help that both of us had been needing for so long. This marriage has had ups and downs but we are each other’s best friends. She is my world and there’s nothing I won’t do for her. She has taken care of me at my worst and I’ve done the same for her.
Over the last few months, divorce has come up. She says she has no logical reason for it. She loves me, is in love with me, and knows she’s ending everything that we have. Each time I talk her down or out of it. I tell her I’ll do whatever she needs of me. And she even said, she knows I’ve done it. She sees the work I’ve put in. Please understand that even though I wasn’t helping with all domestic duties, many years I was working two jobs. For a few years I was working for a Chinese company where I would wake up at 4am to tutor Chinese kids in English. This aged me in a way I cannot describe and I was working 7 days a week. Keep in mind again, this is my second job. I have a full time job as a teacher. Life just drained me.
But Friday night an argument occurred that feels so silly. She came home late because of work, and said she needed to nap. I teased her that it wasn’t going to be a quick nap and I asked her when we were going to eat dinner. I had plans to have a special dinner with her that would be fun for Friday night. She got mad. She asked me if I was incapable of making my own food. I got hurt and told her I’m not. I’m just asking because I’m hungry and want to figure things out for us. She told me to eat by myself and I told her I didn’t want to do that. I was okay with waiting. I wanted to avoid things getting more heated. So I left the house in order to get some air, let her nap, and grab a few other groceries. I even got her a mini verse that she loves building so that after dinner she could have fun. I came home, we ate, watched one of our favorite shows, and then it got quiet. I kept asking her what was wrong. She finally said she’s done and doesn’t want to do this. She loves me, she’s in love with me, but she wants to come home to herself. She can’t give me a solid answer as to why she doesn’t want to be together. I asked her if she thinks this may be part of her bipolar disorder and that made things worse. She packed a bag, left, and I have not seen her since Friday night.
When we finally spoke this morning she said she didn’t miss me. She didn’t miss our bed. One of her friends told her the best way to handle me is to be cold towards me so that she doesn’t come back to me. I asked her to truly consider a separation rather than just divorcing when there is so much good in our marriage. She conceded and when I asked her if she’s just saying this she told me no.
I’ve been walking on eggshells for months to just try to make her happy. I’m so scared of what’s happening to finally be happening. So I agreed to leave the house with our fur babies for one week. I’m taking them so she can see what life is like without all of us. It’s what she wants. I also told her since we just signed our lease renewal a few weeks ago, I’m not going to screw her. I have family that will take me in that’s close by. I will continue to pay my half of the rent even if I’m not there in order to allow her to save so she doesn’t have to leave the best job/career she’s ever had. I spoke to her mother and was shocked by what she said. She told me that was a mistake and that I shouldn’t be paying for anything if I’m not there. She said that’s enabling the horrible choice her daughter is making. But I genuinely want to fix things. She is the love of my life. I don’t see a world where she’s not in it.
I lost 6 pounds overnight lol I haven’t eaten since 10PM on Friday and now it is almost 1pm on Sunday. I’m super fat so I’m not going to die but I’m just not hungry. I forced myself to shower. I’m doing laundry now so that I can take my clothes. I told her I did hers so that she has clothes for work on Monday and she said for me to not do that anymore. I am so lost.
Comments
Do you guys have any hobbies you do separately? Or do you only come home to only be spending time together?
This is so sad but this separation will do you both the world of good.
Congratulations bud, you are paying rent in the home that she is bringing dudes back to. Listen to your MIL.
Focus on yourself. Don’t be desperate, no matter how much you want to reconcile. Put that energy into making yourself healthier and wealthier. Look up 180/Greyrocking, that’s how you should communicate with her.