I don’t believe men are inherently inferior to women but the amount of times I’ve experienced women being hurt by men doesn’t help but make me want to vilify men. I grew up in an abusive household where my own father was financially and emotionally abusing my mom. He’s practically so disrespectful to her. His brothers are even worse to their wives((dv, SA).A majority of the male friends I’ve had have cheated on their girlfriends. Heck I’ve been cheated and put through the wringer. After that a guy was cheating on his girlfriend by going on dates with me and I found out very late.
I keep reading about the absolute shit men have done to women here, yet, women keep asking “he beat me up, am I overreacting?”. All I hear is about women being killed, drugged, SAed, stripped of their rights. All of this has made me foster a deep disliking towards men. Yes yes ik “Not all men” but in my case it’s “most of the men” I’ve been associated to. I just don’t want to have make male friends anymore seeing the way they treat their partners. I don’t want to be my father’s daughter. I don’t want to get into a relationship, idk if I’m asexual now I’ve just stopped having crushes. I just have a deep disliking towards men.
Comments
I don’t think being upset at the way they treat you makes you a misandrist. If they were kind, you wouldn’t be upset. You don’t have an inherent hatred of them, or treat them badly. You’re not a misandrist.
You aren’t. You just tell the truth when men and I realize how our behavior might be impact and take our accountability. Accountability helps us become better people.
I’m a misandrist and yes all men. I mean, literally read what you wrote. the awful things you’ve experienced, observed, the terror men have enacted on women, other men, and children for centuries. we KNOW it better than any statistic out there. I think you’re more afraid of the term misandrist than accepting what you already know to be true.
and fwiw, I have two long term male partners that are just as disgusted by men as I am. 🤣 I openly joke that the only men I keep in my life long term are that ones that when I go, “ugh men” they go, “I know, right?” I don’t fear individual men, I still have relationships and friendships with them, but men as a whole have proven to be unsafe for women.
life’s too short to gaslight yourself.
Edit: a small example. this community for women is absolutely rife with men that often only come in here to tell women they’re wrong. The nastiest and most unsupportive comments are usually by men. If you follow along here long enough, you’ll see the pattern. And it’s just like…. why? lol Why do they feel the need to do that? Just looking at the comments/profiles on this thread and so far, I’m the only woman that’s commented.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with hating patriarchy or noticing how patriarchy successfully bribes so many men rather cheaply by saying, “We won’t materially improve your life much, but we will guarantee you are better off than at least a few classes of person (women, boys, girls) and have a reasonable expectation that you’ll be granted a personal, unpaid, domestic laborer.”
I think it’s very appropriate to resent that system and how many people buy into sustaining it because these cheaply bought people are afraid of a world without someone kept under their foot.
I do think it becomes a problem when you see the problem as inherent in men in an essential, ontological sense, like it’s connected to their soul or substance, rather than connected to men as a class, because man-ness is mitigated by other identities and contexts.
Basically, don’t let men off the hook the way Christian reactionaries and even some RadFems have in describing men as inherently violent, slovenly, cruel, brutal, etc. Each man has full humanity but “being possessed by the egregore of patriarchy” transforms a fully human person into an abuser, predator, exploiter. And it’s important to retain this view because patriarchy is not the only hierarchical system of oppression that does this or “takes possession” of us.
I’m in the same camp as you. It wasn’t intentional and I recognise I’ve fallen into a bit of an echo chamber too. The public discussion around men and women’s roles, my own experiences with men in my personal life as well as at work, has all contributed to it.
What I have noticed is that the men whom I used to see as good friends have also fallen into the manosphere and I struggle to maintain those relationships in any sort of genuine manner. Only a couple do I managed to have productive discussions with as we can exchange ideas and experiences.
However what is the kicker is more broader, non-anecdotal learnings about men. Thanks to women finally having rights, education, ability to do scientific or historical research from the female perspective, there is more awareness about the experiences of women today and throughout history. And frankly it makes me sick and angry. What ‘men’ have done to women and continue to do fills me with rage and resentment. It is still happening and getting worse.
This information is out there, it is validating what women have felt all along, and women are talking about it and pushing for change finally. But what do the ‘men’ do? Backlash and anger. They not only dismiss and ignore the facts, but they do what SO MANY OF THEM DO WHEN HAVING TO FEEL AN EMOTION: ANGER.
They are proving all over the place that they cannot listen, they do not care, and their self interest is priority in a zero-sum primitive manner. It has made me realise that this has been the constant theme of their existence. Their lack of empathy and emotional or mental sophistication makes them UNABLE to create win-win, compromise and sustainable solutions. They take take take and attack. Now I have seen it, I cannot unsee it.
I do hope you can get out and meet better people. I’ve met (and read about) some really shitty men! I have also met some really genuinely good guys. They DO exist.
I was molested by a family member as a child, and for a long time I didnt trust any men. Then I realized I thought my pastor (i know the stereotype, but he was one of the kindest, most understanding people I have met in my life) “wanted something from me” and I realized I would always be on guard, but I couldn’t see evil in the face of every man.
FWIW, I choose to believe there are more good people in the world than bad, so that means most guys must be decent.
Misandry is not the equivalent of misogyny, much as MRAs would like to say it is. Any woman may hate men as a group – with good reason, based on personal experience – but this does them no harm whatsoever, either personally or systemically. Your reaction (and that of a lot of women who feel the same) is to withdraw, to ignore and to leave them alone. Misogynists don’t grant women the same peace. They vote for parties that will harm us and hold up rapists and sex traffickers as role models for the young. They encourage or excuse male violence and demand women serve them. Ironically the manosphere bros and the patriarchal systems they support are the real misandrists in the world, who seek to bind men into a gender essentialist and emotional straitjacket and tear apart men who dare step outside their narrow definition of what it means to be a man.
“Not all men, but somehow always a man.”
No matter how understandable it is, it is still hatred because of a trait people don’t choose. It is misandry to hate men. (If that is what you mean with “vilify” them, sorry English is not my native language.)
I also think it is an issue to hate someone because of their gender when you do not act on it. Because you can’t really control all nuances of your behaviour. For that reason I believe people have the obligation to manage their hatred (in a way that it hopefully is not hatred anymore).
That however doesn’t mean you can’t hate the particular men you know. It also doesn’t mean that you can’t go and try to have as minimal contact with men as possible.
It also doesn’t mean that you can’t criticise or discuss how men harm you or others. It is possible to do that without prejudice and hatred.
Misandry is a valid response to the abuse and terror men put women through.
How can you live in this reality and not grow to resent, hate, fear, avoid, distrust them? It would almost be foolish not to feel contempt for a species that seems born to terrorize/kill/ abuse your own.
We’re brainwashed to feel ashamed/crazy for how we’re treated.