So. Idk where to even begin. I (31f) have been with my husband (33m) for 11 years. We have 4 kids together but I’m over him something vicious!! I can not take the lack of sex in our marriage. I’ll be honest. Before we got together I was kind of a wild thing and having sex almost every day. Now it’s down to about 3 times a month. I love him so much but I crave sex so bad!! And don’t even get me started when I’m ovulating. I’m practically feral!! Am I a shit wife for not wanting to stay because of the lack of sex?.
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Have you tried communicating the mismatch to your partner. That would be the mature thing to do before you throw away your marriage over sex. He might have low T and doesn’t realize it.
As far as staying I mean seems selfish to disrupt your children’s lives because he’s not meeting you sexually. Do you really think you’re gonna be satisfied then as a single mom with 4 kids? Like that just seems 🥜
I mean, no. Doesn’t make you a bad person. Sexual incompatibility is a serious issue in relationships. Steps can be taken to close the gap, but if you’ve tried that and just can’t seem to get closer to being on the same page, it is what it is. Just gotta decide what your priorities are I guess. You say you’re over him but also that you love him so much. I guess you gotta decide which one of those feelings is more important. What your goals in life are. Etc.
But if you’ve been unhappy for a long time, tried everything in your power to improve the situation to no avail, and it’s looking like you will be unhappy indefinitely in this relationship, then you’re well within your rights to break things off and do coparenting. You only get one life. You should prioritize finding your peace and happiness. If you can’t achieve that with your current partner, it’s probably best to go separate ways.
you’re not a piece of crap—you’re just starving in a part of your relationship that matters to you
sex isn’t a bonus in a marriage—it’s glue
when it’s gone, so is intimacy, connection, even your sense of being wanted
you’ve got 4 kids, 11 years, and a whole life together
but none of that cancels the fact that you’re allowed to want more than just shared bills and parenting shifts
you’re not wrong for wanting sex
you’re not wrong for missing the part of you that used to feel alive
what would be wrong is staying silent, stewing in resentment, and then nuking everything without trying to fix it
have the talk
get brutally honest
see if he’s even willing to meet you halfway
if he’s not?
then no—you’re not a bad wife for walking
you’d be a bad you for staying stuck in something that leaves you feeling half-alive
You know, a ground for divorce is no sex in the marriage or that one partner is not giving sex to the spouse. (At least it is in NY). So it is definitely a reason.
Have you guys been to therapy? I mean, if this is literally the only thing, try just more casual, non sexual touching, turn it into an intimate game. Also, therapy. Also, is he fixed? If not, get him fixed. Very few with 4 want more. Good luck tiger!
Yeah blow your kids life up over not talking with your husband about it and trying to work something out. Makes total sense.