So, hello there. I am 17F. I am so sorry this is long. It just… somehow happend.
For starters, I have long brown hair, kind of like the colour of the iris of the character in my profile picture.
I think the colour is alright, it matches me, my eyes, but I do want to switch up things a bit, for fun and all and plus I am a teen too. I think it’s normal for us to want to discover ourselves and realistically feels like the best time or like the appropriate, natural times to experiment and make mistakes even. Not that I encourage mistakes.
The thing is I don’t really talk to my dad, which leaves only waiting for mom’s approval. Can’t even ask my dad for his opinion. Think my mom would say no. I understand. You’ll see why soon.
Here’s how it is. I wanted to go to a salon preferably, or buy from a shop (drugstore or higher quality store for hair products) a hair toner. I heard they do not damage the hair and that it lasts around 6-10 washes or so, which is around a month. My plan was to do it during summer when I am not in school.
Though… I am not sure. Jet black seems to dark, blonde can’t have, requires bleach but also washes me out. Mahogany, or red seems cute, but unfitting colour for my complexion and stuff. I did like mahogany. It looked cute, and unique. I was thinking ginger, but not like ginger ginger. I was thinking, caramel blonde, more soft copper actually. I am not sure how much it suits me though. I want it to like, I don’t know… be muted, darker, not so light but not too dark. Kind of like my original hair colour, in the same tone, just different colour. I guess I want it to look natural. I don’t think I’d realistically stick to it for long-term sadly but I do think orangish is kind of nice. The colour of happiness, free-spirit, joy in summer. But also warm and soft. Plus, it’ll seperate me from my siblings.
The problem is I don’t think I can gain approval and yeah I am not so sure if it fits me. Even if I was close with my dad I doubt I’d ask him to take me get it done because even I know there are high chances of it not suiting me. I see how brown fits me. It looks nice with my eyes, it let’s me match nice colours. I can see myself in different outfits, and make up. I mean it is me literally, but maybe this version can be me for a summer, but orange might just seem uncanny even in those shades I am thinking. Plus, the cost and her thinking it doesn’t suit me can be pretty preventive. She does dye her hair, but that’s different.
I just feel stupid for ever wanting things. I’ve learned to push away my ideas because no one really likes them and I am tired to even fight. I do understand why she’d reject this idea since even I can’t be confident that it’ll look good but yet I don’t feel so turned away. Just a bit over the fact I have to beg for it. Like doing tedious paper work to get it approved, but not really, maybe… But I mean I can do it at home if really necessary, it’ll wash away, no one from school will see it, I’ll get that exploring craziness out of me…
I was thinking about making a presentation because why not but that would do nothing, just for laughs probably. Could help me define my idea. I was thinking of catching her when she might be in a good mood and asking. And then keep asking all May which will also be a test on how serious I am about it. Kind of crazy because it is just my hair. I just know the initial answer will be no which kind of hurts, so along with advice and feedback, I also felt like I needed to get it off my chest
Now that I think about it I am really not sure if it will fit me but I want it nonethelss. I wish it would really. It could be that it fits but doesn’t suit me. I mean It’s not like I am asking for medicine though. This is just hair colour we are talking about. I don’t feel like going crazy crazy about it, especially with the history of being dejected. Like I get it’s a stupid idea. Like at this point if it isn’t good for me then fighting seems useless. It feels like there is a criteria of it needing to be valuable enough to request. I wish I could come up with something good to convince her, but maybe I am wrong for wanting to convince her.
I am also shocked how much I can write.. about hair. I turned into fucking Hamlet. ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
P.S. I do know without bleach, like colored contact lenses, it won’t turn out completely like the picture I think? Which might be good to make it seem natural.
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The easiest thing will probably be to wait until you’re 18.
Do you have a job or some of your own money you could spend on a cheapish wig to see if you like the color first? It sounds like you’re unsure yourself.
I don’t understand why you’re sure your mom will say no. Is it because she says no to most things you want to do?
I was dying my hair regularly at 17, between red and blonde and some fun colors too. My mom didn’t like it but I went and did it at my friend’s house without asking and surprised her when I came home 😂 she was upset but it didn’t last long.
You know your mom best, so if you think you need permission definitely go with that. But like you said, it’s just hair, and you can always redye it, cut it, grow it out.
putting hair dye on brown hair is usually disappointing, and I say this as someone with brown hair!
but you can always try wash in wash out hair dye, which literally just lasts until you next wash your hair and will give a more subtle colour change – I used an auburn one to bring out the copper colour in my hair
I’d go with that rather than temporary/semi-permanent hair dye, because all the semi-permanent stuff I’ve used has lasted fucking ages in my hair
you can also get clip-in hair extensions – a friend of mine likes using small ones that give you like an inch wide streak of colour, and she changes them to match her outfit
Hi! I am 71 years old and have had every hair color imaginable. I particularly liked the blue streaks. I dyed it the first time when I was 14. I think hair color is a form of self expression. I don’t see it any different than color choice in clothing or wearing a different shade of eye shadow. I never asked for permission. I just did what I wanted and accepted the consequences. (My mom was always pissed. My dad thought it was funny.) My hair; my choice. And you know what? If you don’t like it, you can change it again
OP,
My advice to you is this: set up your reasoning as you did here and present it to her, but add the caveat that you want to do it “with her.” This creates a chance to bond and keeps her involved. If she says “no, “then that’s what it is. I hope you find the color you want! 🙂 I hope your mom is receptive.
So just to confirm, your natural hair is a dark brown, and you’re looking to go caramel blonde? You can definitely try it, but keep in mind you’ll likely need to bleach your hair completely before achieving that shade. I’m not 100% sure, but going that light from such a dark base can get expensive, especially when it comes to maintenance. As your roots grow out, the contrast will be noticeable, so upkeep is something to seriously consider.
You also mentioned your hair is long, which adds to the overall cost of coloring. I’d recommend making sure you fully understand both the initial cost and the ongoing maintenance before committing to such a dramatic change. You might want to consider a less drastic shift to keep things more affordable and on a teenager budget.
If your hair is long, bleach the tips and then you can pop colour on the ends. If you’re not into it you can cut off an inch or two to get rid of it.
You sound like a middle child. Im the middle kid and the only girl with 2 brothers. Unseen and unheard until I stop trying and then its “why are you so quiet?” If you’re in a similar situation I totally understand where you’re coming from.
Its totally normal wanting to experiment with your hair. That’s the fun of being a girl for me. I’ve changed my color so many times I don’t remember my natural color.
The thing is though, box color is horrible! I lost hair by the handful from one of those. Never again. Salons are cost prohibitive but a good stylist will be able to whip something up that looks good on you. Red and lighter shades NEVER work with box color unless its a shade off your natural color. I just switched up my color. My mil referred my to her stylist. Sight unseen I walk in and tell her to do whatever she wants. (They like that). I came out with cinnamon auburn with light caramel highlights. It goes perfect with my skin and eyes. If I tried to get this color from a box I’d be hideously orange lol.
Talk to your mom. The worst she can say is no. Tell her you want to try the toners that wash out fairly quickly. Cheap, easy and temporary. If I had a daughter I’d be fine with that. Hell I’d book us both with my stylist lol. I actually take my son with me to the salon and get his hair cut there. He loves it.
If you decide to do something at home keep it close to your shade. Report back if you get it done!
Coloured mousse will be what you want, and yes, you can. If people complain (parents mostly), you can show them that it will wash out. Other people who comment (teachers) ask them where in the school guidelines where you can’t colour your hair.
A purple/red would be your best bet. Green will make it look like you have been swimming, blue will have work. I would suggest a mousse instead of a semi/demi permanent hair dye, but if you do want a dye, stay away from Manic Panic reds. You will stain your hair and will take a while to grow out.
Try Henna.
It’s a fully natural product that deposits a reddish hue on your hair.
It stains like crazy so mix it in a plastic bowl you don’t care about. And clean the tub thoroughly and instantly after you wash it out.
There are salons who can apply it for you and you might want to save up and have them do it.
My daughter is about to turn 23. She has a severe language disability so communicating what she feels is very hard for her sometimes. When she was 12, she said she wanted “lots of colors” in her hair. I took her to my best friend’s salon and she got lots of colors. My mother thought it was ridiculous, not that I asked for her opinion. But I told her first, it’s just hair. It grows out. And second, if that’s the way she wants to express herself, I totally support her. She’s had streaks of color ever since. I can’t remember the last time my hair was its natural color & I’m 59. My natural hair is very dark brown & it’s currently “aubergine” which is a cool toned red bordering on purple. It’s fun.
Having your hair colored, whether a traditional color or a fun color, is very very common. It doesn’t affect your ability to get a job. If the job needs your hair to be a traditional color, they will tell you & you can decide what you want to do. It won’t affect your grades or your ability to get into college. And if you’re using semi or demi permanent color, it’s going to wash out anyway. It’s not going to damage your hair. But please don’t use black box dye or try to bleach your hair at home. It’s not permanent like a tattoo & it doesn’t leave holes like piercings. I know I’m just an Internet stranger but I totally support you.
Allowed is a strange word.
Technically you’re still a child and under your parents control.
But you’re almost an adult and at some point soon, need to start making your own choices. Hair colour is a fairly risk-free change (though always do a test match- even if you’re getting colour done at a salon).
I think its a bit of a rite of passage too, When I was 16/17, me and my friends got box die and I died my hair red and my friend went blue. It was semi-permanent Schwarzkopf stuff and washed out pretty fast. My mother was not amused. But sometimes its better to ask for forgiveness than permission.
My parents’ position has always been that hair color is temporary, it’s not a piercing or a tattoo. If you don’t like it, you can wash it out or dye over top of it or cut your hair. It’s a safe way to experiment with your looks!
I would suggest starting with colored conditioner. Keracolour and Overtone are both great, you put it in and let it sit for about half an hour, then touch it up once a week. If you want it out, you just use some clarifying shampoo. Overtone has shades specifically meant for brown hair; I use the rose gold and it turns out very nice!
https://overtone.co/collections/for-brown-hair
If you’re concerned about your parents’ approval, I would suggest asking about something temporary at first, I bet you’ll come up with much less resistance that way.
Good luck!
Try to compliment your natural color with subtle highlights first.