Ok so this is gonna be weird I think so strap in-
So me and my partner have decided that we can afford for me to stay home when our little boy gets here!! We are super excited and quite blessed with the opportunity. Tonight I was talking to him and I was asking about how the financial situation was gonna be as I won’t have an income and I’ll become fully financially dependent on him and how we’re gonna navigate that situation and what it’s gonna look like- then came the topic of Christmas presents and he has the opinion that if I bought him a Christmas present from the joint bank account (that I don’t contribute to) the present isn’t a gift any more and he’d rather me not buy him anything if that’s the case. I get upset because that doesn’t make any sense to me??? Why is it no longer a present? How am I- a financially dependent housewife supposed to give a present to her partner on Christmas, or his birthday, or Father’s Day?? Am I being hormonal right now or does that seem nuts?? What am I supposed to do for special occasions and what not- draw him a picture like im 5??
Idk man but I’m currently crying in the bathroom over this because he says im being way too dramatic about it and it’s not a big deal
Oh the joys of pregnancy
Comments
Yes, you are.
He’s right lol you could just make his favourite meal and watch his favourite movie/show. Massage. Kisses, etc.
Also congratulations ❤️❤️ wishing you a beautiful experience 🥰
No, you are not. This is telling. He does not view the money as belonging to both of you equally. He views it as his money that he gives you.
I’d rethink becoming financially dependent on this guy.
Oh honey, you’re not being hormonal at all. You’re responding to something that would upset anyone in your position, pregnant or not.
Your partner’s logic here is… honestly pretty concerning. He’s essentially saying that because you won’t be earning money, anything you do with “his” money doesn’t count as a real gift. That completely erases the thought, effort, and love that goes into choosing something meaningful for someone.
Here’s what needs to happen – you two need to have a serious conversation about what being a stay-at-home mom actually means financially. Because right now it sounds like he’s thinking of it as “I work, you don’t contribute, so it’s my money.” That’s not how partnerships work.
When you stay home with your child, you’re providing:
Childcare (worth $15-25/hour professionally)
Household management
Meal planning and prep
Educational development for your kid
Emotional labor and family coordination
You’re not a dependent – you’re contributing labor that would otherwise cost thousands per month to outsource.
The money needs to be “ours,” not “his money that you use.” You’re both contributing what you do best to make the family work. A real partnership means the finances reflect that reality.
Some practical things to discuss:
How much monthly “personal spending” money do you each get?
What purchases require discussion vs. individual choice?
How do gifts and special occasions work when income is shared?
The gift thing specifically – the thought, time, and care you put into selecting something he’d love? That’s what makes it a gift, not who’s name is on the bank account.
You’re crying in the bathroom because your partner just told you that your efforts to show love don’t count anymore once you become financially dependent. That’s not hormones – that’s a completely reasonable reaction to feeling devalued.
This conversation needs to happen before the baby comes. Financial partnerships require actual partnership, not one person being grateful for access to “someone else’s” money.
It can be true that you are hormonal and emotional AND that this opinion of your husband is a red flag. Both can be true or neither could be true. I’m not personally witnessing your behavior so I won’t assume.
There are thousands of stories from women on the internet about how they became SAHM and then got trapped because the husband left them and they had no safety net and huge resume gaps. If you can afford to be a SAHM, then you should also be getting disposable income for personal use from your husband and you can save some of that for a gift. The household income belongs to both of you and if he has money to, I dunno, buy video games or go golfing or whatever his thing is, you need to make sure that you have an equal amount of money for leisure and nonessentials.
Congratulations on your bundle of joy and good luck!