Hello, my husband (31M) and I (30F) have been together for 14 years. I don’t really know how to start the conversation so l’ll just jump right into it. Last night I know my husband crossed a line but he will never admit it. My dog has a bad behavior called resource guarding I think so whenever my husband gets near me, my dog barks. He’s a very big dog and I don’t know how to correct the behavior (which l know is my fault) but whenever I call his name he immediately stops barking. My husband came up to talk to me and my dog got up to bark at him. My husband grabbed him by the collar and punched him several times and then tried to kick him when he got away. My daughter (9F) saw this whole thing and was screaming at him to stop, when he did stop he turned his anger to her and he got in her face to put his finger in her face and screamed at her to never yell at him again and never to act like that again very harshly. She ran away crying and I chased after her to comfort her on the couch. My husband went right back to his video game and looked over at us and just nodded his head at me in disgust. He told me I’m the biggest part of the problem and the reason she screamed at him. I told him she screamed at him like that because she was scared for our dog. We fought back and forth about now l’m not aloud to comfort the kids when he’s yelling at them for reasons I don’t agree with. (We normally wait until the kids are in bed to argue but I just couldn’t hold it in) I don’t like it when he yells because he does not give the kids much attention. He doesn’t play with them, he doesn’t go outside with them, he never goes anywhere with us. He spends ever second of his free time playing video games. Anyways he ended the conversation with pointing at our older 2 (12M) (9F) kids and calling them fucking psychos right to their faces. Then he screamed that if their dog barks at him again he’s going to shoot it in front of them. He stormed off to bed. After the kids went to bed I went to talk to him. Of course he blames me for not being on his side. It all started with me not having a good dog then me allowing our daughter to speak to him like that. It was all my fault. He blames me for his short temper to his video game addiction to how his kids treat him. Every fight is my fault. It’s been 24 hours now and he will not apologize. He won’t won’t even look at me. He has ignored everyone at home, which is normal when he’s angry. He’s gone up to 6 days before without saying a single word to me except for “what’s for dinner?”
I don’t know what I am looking for I just was hoping someone would tell me I’m not in the wrong this time or tell me if I am in fact overreacting. My husband is not a bad guy, most of the time he’s very nice and gives us everything we could ask for. I just wish he would spend more time with us and be more patient with everyone. He has always had a temper and I have just learned how to deal with it but lately I have been tired of it. Thankfully my kids have forgotten about it, I just can’t seem to stop thinking about it or seem to let it go. I just needed to vent about it.
TL;DR my husband has a temper and doesn’t always treat everyone in our house well.
Comments
This is fake, right? Because you ‘just needed to vent’ about your husband abusing your animal and children.
How dare you allow someone punch your dog, especially in front of your children. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh but remove yourself and your family from him immediately
No, that’s abuse on many different levels. If I would ever act like this, she’d be divorcing me the next day and I’d deserve it. Not only is it unacceptable in any way shape or form, it’s a horrible setting for your kids to be in. They will remember his actions and they will have consequences down the line. Abuse always does in one way or another.
He sounds abusive and lacking in self-control, assuming this story is true. He may well end up shooting you or the kids if he gets this uncontrollably angry at a dog.
You want a dog or a husband. The dog is not in control. You got to make the choice. No one wants an aggressive animal in their home. Leave and take the dog or get a better dog. Harsh I know
I had a dad like this, it traumatized me and I got therapy for it for years. Please leave this men your kids will thank you forever for being brave. This is not having a temper this is serious abuse. It is not your fault he has anger issues. Leave as soon as possible. It will be hard at first but it does seam like he is not adding anything to your life and is making you miserable, your kids are frightened and your dog… he may actually kill your dog at some point. I figure that the dog knows he is abusive and that is why he barks. He is trying to protect your family.
Please please please get your kids and dog away from this piece of shit. This is domestic abuse. Contract a support network – every city in the western world has organisations to help you. You cannot stay with this man.
You are causing an incredible degree of emotional damage to those children by not standing up for them by leaving. They have not “forgotten about it”, they are in survival mode and trying not to attract his rage. As someone who was in this situation, having a grown man scream violently in your face is brutal. They only have you to protect them. Your dog barks at him not because he’s resource guarding, but because your husband terrifies it – he is always scared your husband will attack one of you.
You realise if your children open up to a mandated reporter that you could lose them? I really hope they do as it’s not safe there. They may have to deal with the trauma of watching your husband shoot the dog. If he has a gun I would be hiding it.
This is a warning. You need to pack up your kids and dog and get out.
It’s only a matter of time before he injures or kills one of you.
He’s been very clear about the threat. He’s shown you what he’s capable of – so believe him. Protect yourself, your kids, and the dog. Make an escape plan, and get out.
As a person that experienced this type of abuse as a child, please understand that your children did not “forget” about this. They are masking and/or dissociating in order to live as normally as possible within the abuse.
And he has abused you and gaslit you so badly that you can’t even tell that it’s abuse.
You can’t fix him. But you can fix life for you and your children. I wish you all the best.
So would you approve of him doing the same thing to your child? People that abuse animals are not good people. Sorry but he would be out the door. Time for a divorce, he isn’t a good father, he is abusive towards your children. Why are you still with him.
Sounds to me like your dog can read your husband and is being protective of you.
You’re not overreacting. What you described is straight-up abuse—toward your kids, your dog, and you. Punching the dog, screaming in your daughter’s face, calling your kids “psychos,” and threatening to shoot their pet isn’t normal anger, it’s scary and harmful (traumatizing your kids no doubt).
You and your kids deserve so much better than walking on eggshells around someone who blames you for everything and shuts you out for days. None of this is your fault. You and your kids deserve safety, respect, and love that doesn’t come with fear attached. Love and abuse simply cannot coexist. 💔
My husband is not a bad guy……. YES, your husband IS a BAD guy. A good guy does NOT PUNCH or KICK a dog. He then threatened to shoot the dog in front of your kids, 9 and 12. He screamed at your 9 yo daughter and shook his finger while threatening her. He does not take any accountability for his TERRIBLE BEHAVIOR. Instead he blames you, the kids, and even the poor dog for his actions. Did it ever occur to you that the dog is aggressive towards your husband because the dog is trying to protect you from your husband’s abuse? Is the dog aggressive towards anyone else? In my experience, resource guarding is guarding food or toys, not people.
He is physically abusing your dog, and at the very least, he is emotionally abusing you and your children! He is a seriously abusive person, without any shame. It is time to kick him to the curb. This is not how a person who loves you acts. Do you really want your children raised by a man like that? You said he spends every free second playing video games, and apends no time with the children. What are you waiting for? Leave him!