I need some outside perspective on something that’s been bothering me.
Today, I felt like my partner was being a bit cold. I was booking a trip for us, and there wasn’t much excitement from her. We’ve been dating for 5 months and have planned our first trip to Barcelona. Our sole purpose of meeting today was to book this trip.
Once I finalised it, her reaction was kind of just “okay cool.” I was really excited, so it felt a bit disappointing.
She’s had a long day at work and then became sick in the evening with a cold and so I understand that might be affecting her mood. But even when I tried to do nice things—like ordering tea for her or helping her feel better—she seemed really short with me.
I totally get, she’s not asking for these things and I’m not asking for a commendation, I’m just trying to be a supportive loving partner.
I also had a super important virtual meeting today. And she asked to help.
I asked her to remind me every 5 minutes to keep me on track of our action points (which she agreed to), but she didn’t and was on her phone instead.
When she had her big presentation, I made time to listen and give feedback. And watched the presentation again as she asked a favour for me.
The type of guy I am is that if you ask for support, and i give you my word. I stand by it.
I didn’t feel the same support in return. This client meeting was a huge deal for me and could lead to life-changing money.
I’m totally okay with her not wanting to do it and I even offered like if you’re feeling up for it, it will help a bunch. But she agreed to help so when she didn’t deliver, it kind’ve annoyed me.
Totally get that she’s become ill over the evening and had a long day and energy levels may be low because of it. Maybe I’m expecting too much enthusiasm.
I wasn’t expecting her to dance around, I just thought she’d be happy that we’re both booking the trip we planned to do.
This isn’t always the case but today she just felt super short.
So I guess my question is:
Should I bring this up to her or just let it go since she’s not feeling well? Am I expecting too much?
TL;DR:
My girlfriend seemed cold and uninterested when I booked a trip for us. I also felt unsupported during a very important meeting, even though I’ve been there for her. She’s sick, so I’m not sure if I’m being unfair or if it’s worth bringing up again.
Comments
Even when someone is ill, this isn’t the behavior I’d expect. I would expect either “honey I’m sorry, I can’t help, I just feel awful” or I would expect her to try hard and fall asleep or have a coughing fit or something.
Do give her some leniency for being sick. But also– voice your feelings in the moment. “Babe you said you’d help with my presentation but you’re on your phone. I showed up and tried when you asked me for a favor so this is hurtful. What’s going on?”
It is better to talk these things out rather than let them fester. Also, if generally she is loving and attentive but has a few off days then returns to normal: that’s ok. Everyone has rough times. But if this becomes your new normal you need to take action.
5 months is too soon for all of this super intense relationship stuff. Slow down.