Hi all trigger warning for the topic of SA. When I 21 f was 18 i was assaulted by my then boyfriend. It took me over a year to say anything about it. Well now my 14f sister told her church group out of the blue that i was assaulted and called me a slut. I was told by someone who was there even though it happened a few months ago and i feel violated, devastated, ashamed and just frustrated that all of this was said about me and now i’ve been reliving that all day. so would i be overreacting for saying something to my parents about it? TIA
EDIT:
I would like to say thank you to all the support i’ve received so far and i will definitely have a conversation with my parents. I plan to write how i feel down because i struggle to have a “deep” conversation when im emotional. i will keep you all updated.
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Backup of the post’s body: Hi all trigger warning for the topic of SA. When I 21 f was 18 i was assaulted by my then boyfriend. It took me over a year to say anything about it. Well now my 14f sister told her church group out of the blue that i was assaulted and called me a slut. I was told by someone who was there even though it happened a few months ago and i feel violated, devastated, ashamed and just frustrated that all of this was said about me and now i’ve been reliving that all day. so would i be overreacting for saying something to my parents about it? TIA
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Not overreacting. If anything you’re not reacting enough.
What happened to you is not your fault and I want to say how proud I am of you for surviving. Your sister’s words are absolutely disgusting. Furthermore, telling anyone what happened to you is an outright betrayal. Specially something so traumatic and deeply personal. She had no right and her age is not an excuse. 14 is old enough to know better.
I am so sorry this happened to you. All of it. Personally, I’d be taking a very big step away from my sister after this. If my parents tried to downplay or defend her actions in any capacity they’d be told to kick rocks too.
You deserve so much better.
Edit: fixed judgement.
Wait, your sister is the one calling you a slut? I’d definitely talk to her first and explain how hurtful and terrible that is and if she doubles down, then get your parents involved.
I think the statistic is that 1 in 3 women will be assaulted in their lifetime. That being said, there is no place for this kind of trash thinking, especially since (heaven forbid) it could happen to her. Sadder still is she could likely twist the narrative in her own mind to “maybe I deserved it” or “maybe I did something to provoke them” or some other terrible thought based on what she’s seen from your experience.
I have to wonder why that would come up in a church setting, let alone, for people to start badmouthing you for it? Do you know how that conversation even started or what exactly was said, OP?
ABSOLUTELY tell your parents and if they say you are overreacting — you are not. You and your parents need to have a serious sit down conversation with her. If she doesn’t show any sort of change, I would personally be done being her sister for a good while.
edit: i would also remind her of the fact that she (unfortunately) very likely WILL experience sexual assault in her life so she better change her goddamn tune
so sorry this happened to you. absolutely bring it up to your parents, honestly at 14 she probably doesn’t fully understand the weight of what happened and the impact what she said would have on you. it might even be worth it to include her in the convo, expressing to her how what she said effects you. at the end of the day your feelings are valid and a conversation is never an overreaction!
Church groups sounds like they’re worse than Gossip Girl.
But pleased tell your parents already
Not overreacting. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
If I get you right, you weren’t there when your sister said this. Can you trust the source? Have others confirmed this?
🫶🏽 Sending love
Do you think talking to your parents is going to make a difference? Sounds like she’s the golden child and in their eyes, you did wrong.
I’m curious if your sister actually said those words or if this is a game of telephone that the person who is relaying this message interpreted it as such and used their own words to share it with you. Not that I’m excusing your sister’s behaviour, this was not her information to share.
There are people out there who are so rooted in their (fundamentally flawed) Christian beliefs that they feel that in no possible way the man in any situation can be wrong. Obviously, if a woman is raped, it was their choice and they’re only saying it’s rape because they regret their choices. Forget that they were beaten into submission, held down, said, screamed, cried no, or (as in your case) were asleep. Their beliefs put them higher in the command chain than anyone else, they are godly, so they are better.
I want to tell you that you can maintain your faith without these beliefs. If you choose to stay in your religion, please choose your partner carefully and make sure that they don’t hold the same beliefs as your parents.
Crap, I went off there.
TL, DR; Telling your parents won’t change anything because they agree with your sister’s stance. Maintain your faith without your parents flawed beliefs if you so choose. Pick your partners wisely.
You’re a lot nicer than me, I would have slapped my sister. (Violence isn’t the answer but sometimes…siblings need a slap back to reality.)
I’m sorry for what you are going through OP. You are not a slut, you’re stronger than you know. It takes so much courage to speak up, especially when the SA was done by someone you trusted.
Take a while to think about your reaction and how you’re going to handle this situation. Personally, I think a conversation with her and y’all’s parents is necessary and that she needs to be held accountable for her actions, but if she’s the little sibling that can do no wrong you might have to handle the situation differently. I cut mine off that treats me and the other siblings awful. It was worth it.
Best of luck.
How come being SA /raped = slut/hoe??
Even in Arabian countries these two thing mean “DEATH FOR THE RAPIST” and the victim treat as a victim there.
People thinking like this is what encourage the criminals
NTA. Your sister calling you a slut after sharing your trauma is a massive violation. This isn’t a small gossip issue, it’s a profound breach of trust that re-victimizes you. Telling your parents is the absolute right move, you need support and she needs a serious lesson in empathy and basic human decency. What she did was cruel, full stop.
Not overreacting at all. What she did was a massive violation. Telling your parents is completely justified.
Hi all not sure if this is how i post an update if not let me know and ill fix it. So i have a mini update for you all. I talked to my mom about it today because thats a hard topic to discuss with me dad and my mom told me “if something gets brought up ill tell her we don’t need to go around telling other peoples business” and i said ‘you also need to tell her we don’t call people horrible names and that assault isn’t peoples fault and doesn’t make them a “bad person”’. unfortunately thats all that will probably be done about it.