I recently found out someone very close to me is terminally ill, and it’s been incredibly hard to process. When I told my partner, he just sent a quick “sorry to hear that” text — no real support or follow-up.
I brought it up later in person, trying to explain that I felt hurt and unsupported. Instead of listening, he got defensive and started bringing up unrelated mistakes I’ve made in the past — like he was trying to shift the blame or prove I’m not perfect either. That turned into a fight, which just made everything feel even worse.
Now I’m grieving and also questioning whether I can count on him emotionally. Am I overreacting for expecting more comfort and compassion from my partner?
TL;DR: I told my boyfriend that someone close to me is terminally ill, and his response felt really cold and distant. When I brought up how hurt I felt, he got defensive, brought up my past mistakes, and it turned into a fight. Now I’m grieving and also feeling emotionally unsupported. Am I overreacting for expecting more care from my partner?
Comments
Not overeacting, your partner is 32 but clearly never developed his emotional intelligence. If he doesn’t want to listen and is only interested in being defensive and not be a present partner then thats how he will be. No amount of talks will get him to change unless he realises its a problem himself.
Leave him. I bet your friends do a better job in providing you support.
This isn’t just lack of emotional intelligence.
If it were, then when you brought it up again he would have gone “oh I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it like that!” And then comforted you.
Instead he both turned it on you AND brought up past shit in an unrelated conversation. That’s 0% recoverable. He’s not boyfriend material.