I 28 female and 43 male have been dating for about 8 months. We live together and have talked about marriage and having kids. He takes care of me, and I love him very much. I thought we have a age gap but were a completely healthy couple. Today I saw him fixing position of a digital clock in our bedroom before he left on a work trip. That’s when my intuition kicked in. After he left, I looked at the digital clock and, just out of curiosity, used Google Lens to see if it was a spy camera. Sure enough, the AI identified it as one. My 43years old boyfriend isn’t just old—he turned out to be a total creep. I’m not angry, just shocked. I haven’t told him that I found the camera, but I’m sure he’ll realize something’s up tonight when he notices it’s been unplugged and he can’t access the footage.am I overreacting
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Creeper.
A guy with that big of an age gap is single and not dating in his age range for a reason. Don’t deal with that man.
You lost me with the generational age gap.
Em dash. AI story about AI. These bots know a good age gap story gets folks going. 🙄
There’s a reason that women his age don’t want him, he’s not an emotionally healthy man. He needs to find younger women because they’re easier to fool.
Total creep, and not even unexpected.
I would’ve thought that he didn’t trust you to stay loyal while he was gone – I don’t think I could stay with someone who didnt trust me
And if this is a situation of him being a creeper, I honestly don’t know how to come about it, besides having a discussion with him that he can’t be violating your space ~ and if he just wanted something to wank to or whatever, he should’ve just communicated that and maybe yall could send some freaky stuff to eachother lol but either way
Not overreacting – hopefully you can workout the situation and come up with a good solution to this 🙏🏼
Big ass age gap and already living together at 8 months is crazy
He’s way older than you. He’s recording you without your consent. How many more red flags do you need?
You need to get access to his computer to destroy copies of any videos. Actually I would seek out a lawyer – you need to make sure any recordings are destroyed and document legally that he has no right to use, retain, or share these videos.
Wait, what?
You saw him install him positioning a camera, and you investigated the camera you saw him messing with and found out that it’s… a camera? But a hidden one?
So it’s like.. a digital camera that is disguised to look like… a camera?
What?
This makes zero sense.
He was clearly not trying to hide what he did since you were right there, and it’s a “digital camera” so how is that a “spy camera” and not just an obvious and in-the-open camera?
You’re with a man who at 43 had to “reach down in age” 15 years to find someone who would put up with him and you wonder why he hid a spy camera in your bedroom? BECAUSE HE’S A LOSER AND A CREEP. Why are you shocked? There is NO healthy reason why a man that age wants to date a woman who is 15 years younger. You need to break this off. Move out while he is gone. Do NOT stay in this relationship.
Is this bait or something? This can’t be real?
old creep= NO
Girl he’s old asf and sounds like a complete creep. Ask yourself why women his own age don’t date him, because he’s gross.
chatgpt slop
This account is 28 minutes old. Hmmmm
Living together after only a few months should have been a massive red flag.
Yes you’re overreacting it’s totally normal for your bf to secretly be spying on you and filming you naked and getting changed behind your back to do who knows what with.
What kind of question is that lmao
You SAW him positioning the camera? And you had to investigate to see if it was a “spy camera?”
What did you think it was?
What I gather is he put spy cameras in the home to monitor you. So, he can catch you if you are cheating on him. And you happened to see him tooling with one and you found it.
The fact he did not discuss it with you in advance that he has home security. Is by design.
He does not trust you. He probably has trust issues, and this gives him some assurance you are not just using him for his money. Since you said he takes care of you. I will go on a limb and assume that is financially.
Are you overreacting, no, it’s a breach of trust. So, now you can move out and pay your own way. Rent your own home and no one can put cameras in it but you.
Will you though???
Sit him down, hand him the camera, and tell him to explain himself. Thats it.
No you’re not overreacting and you should think carefully about whether you’re truly safe living with him. Can you stay with a friend? Remember the recent Gisele Pelicot case in France – she had no idea what her husband was truly doing.
My (now ex!) husband and did this to me. I was suspecting other issues and found three years worth of videos on his computer. Vile.
What was really interesting to me was the varied responses I got when telling people. Everything from “why isn’t he in jail right now?” to “you should be flattered!”
What if it’s not a camera???
Can you post a pic of the “clock”?
I was referred to do a psychosexual eval on a client once for this issue. The client was filming their partner and posting it online. I would NOT assume it’s JUST controlling spying behavior. It may be that and worse. Please get yourself safe and get into therapy.
Yeah, you’re over reacting. Men dating much younger naive women should always install spy cameras in their home to watch their girlfriends. He just wants to make sure you don’t hit your toe on the coffee table without help. It’s very normal. Why you being so mean? He’s a sweet man.
8 months and live together….
If anything, you’re under-reacting. It sounds like yiure using him for a place to stay/money, hence why you dont want to say youre mad. Big giveaway is you moved in before knowing him for 8 months. You can continue to use this man and accept your situation or actually have self-respect and leave.
You’re definitely not overreacting. If he told you there was one, that would be different. You didn’t give consent to be taped when you’re vulnerable.
Run. This signals a lack of respect for you, your privacy, and your rights. That sort of core character issue will present in worsening ways as time goes by. Run. You can’t trust a man who is capable of this level of deception.
You are not over reacting. That’s so bad. Is he thinking that your cheating wheels he’s gone on trips orb just a freak that lives to replay action? Either way, that’s violating to you. It’s one thing if you knew and were ok with it, but to keep it secret is wrong and just beyond! I wouldn’t say anything, just move on girl and take care of yourself.
So you immediately ran to Reddit when you found the spy camera, even before mentioning it to him?
Sorry, I don’t believe any of this.
0/10
I think you should be asking yourself some things:
I think you should hook it back up and pretend you are into it to find out if he has any videos/pics saved. Tell him you think it’s hot and ask him to send them to you so you can watch them together while he’s away. It’s gross, I know bc he violated your trust and privacy, but I think you could trick him into admitting he has video of you (if he does) and sending it to you. Then you’ve got your proof you can take to the police.
Surely he is insecure and has trust issues so is checking you’re not cheating when he’s away? Especially since you’re so much younger and have only been together 8 months.
He’s probably paranoid that you may be cheating on him
Oh helllllllll no ! He either doesn’t trust you or wants to record shit for personal or who knows could be selling you just never know. I would confront in safe place and demand all the videos and possible file chargers
I don’t know whose apartment this was originally, but if it was yours I would pack all his stuff up. Put the boxes out in the hall on the day he’s supposed to return home and change the locks. Your BF is a creep. He might even want to report it to the police in case he gets creepier when you dump his ass.
The age gap itself is not an issue. You are both well into adulthood and can make your own decisions regarding that in the context of your relationship. I would ignore advice mentioning the age gap itself, as some maintain that the age difference in iself is creepy.
However, the hidden camera is completely unacceptable, and I would disqualify him without question. I would encourage you to leave the relationship immediately.
(As part of that, a key question is, what has he filmed, why, and where are those clips now? You may have to take legal steps to minimize the damage that can be done with those, as if you end the relationship, it’s more than a small probability that videos have or will be posted online/end up in the wrong hands.)
I would use this opportunity to do the weirdest things possible in front of this camera to see if he mentions it.
Everyone’s going for the age gap, meanwhile I’m looking at “Been together 8 months, living together and talking marriage and children” 😳
I keep cameras all over my house but they aren’t hidden. None in my bedroom though that’s weird lol
You are under reacting, who knows what he is doing with the footage? Not okay, and I hope you stay safe and get away from this old creeper
You’re under fucking reacting
How long has that digital camera been there? Also, look up the instruction manual for it, you’ll be able to find out how to access the feed.
You’re living together after barely dating 8 months, add to that he is 15 yrs older than you. Why are you surprised he is a creep and asshole? You make bad decisions
Shocker
Every younger in an age gap thinks they’re different and it’s a special circumstance.
I’m glad you realized sooner rather than later and hope you avoid getting into these situations in the future.
He takes care of you? That sounds like he works and pays for things and you don’t. Is that true? If so: That is creepy! That was red flag number one!
To be honest, if I were you, I would be moved out before he got home. Whether he’s just viewing what you do when you’re home alone or he is posting it on the Internet somewhere, it’s clear you cannot trust this man. Do not keep your Self in his vicinity, he will continue to use you.
Oooh. Girl plug it back in so he can watch you move out.
Gross. Be out by the time he gets back. And please, be careful.
Are you overreacting? This is a rhetorical question, right? It’s a red flag. See it for what it is and act on it.
NOR
Report him!! This is illegal in most civilized places and you have no idea where or if he uploaded it to, sweet heck, you’re under-reacting. Police.
Use the phone trick to find every camera in the house, cover them up with tape (or just throw out the clock) and see what happens.
But why are you living with this man after only 8 months?
Do you realize nobody his age wants to date him?
You are not overreacting: honesty, trust, and lack of deception is foundational to any healthy relationship. He was deceptive and just proved himself not trustworthy. He is putting his own selfish compulsions above the willingness to communicate openly with you.
He did you a favor – unless he’s independently wealthy you don’t want to be with a man that much older than you. While they’re hot in their 40s, not so much in their 60s when you’re still young. And then you will find you are given the joy of being the primary breadwinner with no hope of a second salary to help out in tough times, the primary child caregiver, and the primary caregiver for not only possibly your parents, but for sure him too.
Do not waste your youth on this. You want to go through your firsts together with someone and if he hasn’t had firsts already by his age, that’s another red flag why not – there’s something wrong. Instead of interpreting it as flattery for your own ego, question why women his own age aren’t willing to date him that he has to go younger.
Instead of unplugging the camera, I would have fun with it and pysch him out somehow using it in a funny way to break up.
And do not ever second-guess yourself again. Instead you need to trust your intuition and gut instinct and you already know this is wrong – you don’t need us to tell you that, or to run. Red flags are meant to be paid attention to. We date over time because people are on their best behavior at first, and it takes time for things like this to come out. Be glad you found out now.
Omg get out of there ASAP
No, you’re underreacting.
Call the police. Get out.
This is a gross violation of your privacy and trust. This man is not safe to be around.
Go to the police about this man recording you without consent. Revenge porn is a thing.
8 months and already moved in… age gap… creepy camera…. Girl what are you doin
You are NOT overreacting! I’d take the camera down without saying anything and let him stress out.
sounds great, lock him down
What do you mean he takes care of you? Because if you’ve gotten yourself into a financially dependent position with him, girl you in danger. It’s not a healthy relationship by any means. Danger danger.
I would bet that this is about him making sure she doesn’t cheat, he wants to make sure no one comes in that bedroom but her. That shows a serious lack of trust and if he can’t trust you, the relationship won’t work.
Eeewwww
For your protection, find out what’s happened to the videos he’s been uploading. Are you sure it’s not saved in his files or on a drive? Are you sure it’s not been shared? How long has it been up? He will know you’ve found the camera once he logs onto to it. So, gather all of this evidence while he is away. Get help from a loyal friend, if you need assistance. If all of this is true, then you have a possible criminal act here.
Get your stuff and get out of there ASAP! Find a good lawyer and get the evidence in your possession and keep it safe. Dig around for those files. Get yourself safe!
Seems like the perfect time to pack ur shit n leave without hassle, argument or worse since he’s gone
What happened to Gisèle Pelicot is much more common than you’d think, and this is how it starts: collecting footage of unaware women in the safety of their own bedroom to post online for other creeps.
Please gtfo as safely as you can before it escalates, the next step is filming things that happen to you when you’re asleep/unconscious.
Find out where he’s uploaded the footage & delete it before you move on. OAN; you probably moved in together too quickly.
Maybe reconsider dating way older men in the future.
The fact you’re still there says you’re massively under reacting.
Insecure . Not much different than putting a tracker on your car. Have you checked?
This would be an instant deal breaker for me. Instant break up. Such a breach of trust. So gross.
Get police involved
Please file a police report. Do what you can to record a confession from him if possible.
Ew no, if you’re still with him you’re under reacting
NOT OR
If anything you’re UNDER REACTING
holy shit OP. Get away from this guy. No no no just no, you’re 28. He’s 43? Why? There’s a huge power differential there because of the age difference.
If he was leaving for a work trip he is probably thinking youre cheating and wants to be sure
wtf. RUN.
Updateme please!!!!! I need to know the reactions! Please spill the tea!
Keep it a secret that you know, don’t do anything in front of the camera, and quietly plan your exit. Obviously you know you can’t marry and have kids with this man, right? He’s a creep. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was planning on uploading the footage/photos.
The age gap alone is a red flag, but his actions are just downright not okay.
You asked so here goes….to be clear, I’m a 56 year old woman…twice your age. Whatever value you find in that is up to you.
First: How did you meet him?
You are NOT overreacting. In fact, you’re UNDER reacting. You’re 28 and should know by now the character of a man like this is not simply creepy. He’s SPYING and LYING to you….he’s scum. Throw out the clock. The camera could have its own charge…if it does unplugging it won’t do anything to his feed and if it doesn’t, he won’t have the balls to ask about it. If he does say you broke it. He won’t be able to call you out on it b/c he’d have to admit to the camera.
Ok…now onto the real tough love…. The only thing about the age difference that popped out to me is this kind of stuff is pathological and reflective of predator behavior. Not always, I’ve dated guys with that age difference but, it worthy of a red flag. That’s why I asked how you met. I don’t care how well you think he ‘takes care of you’ b/c this is NOT taking care of you it’s controlling you. His deceit should outweigh anything positive you think you have with him. I guarantee there are cameras with audio covering every corner of the house….including the bathroom. Think about it….really think about it….do you want to marry and have kids with someone like this???
If it were me, I’d hit record, walk around the house looking for more. I mean record everything….not just the cameras but the entire house….everything you have. If he does have cameras everywhere he’ll see you finding them and know he’s fucked. I’d also look directly into one and tell him he’s scum and name every one you found. Have you thought about the fact that he may have tapped into your phone and computer?
I’d also use the time that he’s gone to pack a ‘to go’ bag, shut your phone off, get a burner and get the fuck out.
Here goes the really, really, really tough love that sounds drastic and harsh…go directly to the police. I don’t believe you’re safe. I don’t exactly know what they’d do, maybe they’d keep it to a complaint or based on your evidence they’ll be able to get a warrant not only for the house but for his computer. Trust me I know your stomach dropped reading that and how difficult that sounds to do. But if he can’t reach you then you also need to think about the possibility of him following you from work etc. The police need to know that stuff. Especially if there has been abuse. You come first! Again, drastic but at this point your safety is paramount. Someone that records a person does not let them go easily.
I get being shocked but how the hell aren’t you angry? He’s invaded your privacy and disrespected you. Is this the life you want? How could you trust him with anything ever again? Your self worth is bigger than this man. You need to leave him.
How would you feel if an ex of his knew he did this and didn’t tell you? Do you want this happening to another woman? A question you may not want to answer but, has there been any type of abuse? Physical, verbal, gaslighting, cutting you off from friends? Does he call you constantly asking where you are?
Sidebar: I guarantee his friends do this, he shares these vids with others and there are probably worse things than these home vids on his computer.
Please let us know how you’re doing.
For fun I’ve added federal and state laws below:
Federal Law:
Expectation of Privacy:
Federal law generally allows recording in private areas unless there’s a greater expectation of privacy, like in bathrooms or bedrooms.
State Laws:
Notification Requirements:
Many states require notification for video surveillance, even without audio.
Examples:
California’s Penal Code Section 632 prohibits recording confidential communications without consent, which can apply to certain indoor surveillance scenarios.
Two-Party Consent:
Some states, like California and Michigan, have two-party consent laws, requiring all parties to consent to audio recordings.
Completely healthy couple
Spy camera in room
Girllllllllllll wth
Ask yourself why this man would feel the need to have cameras pointed at the bed? Do you like any of the answers? Me either. Now take your google lens and go room by room. Act natural. Put something in front of the one in the bedroom “on accident” to where he cannot see you packing your shit to leave. Bc you cannot trust this man. You need to accept reality, and the reality is creepy, weird, and downright chilling. Behavior is a language. His is saying “run.”
This ain’t it 🥶
You can’t be this stupid. This has to be bait.
I would have packed my bags and been gone before he gets home.
I think this isn’t to be a creep it’s to make sure your not cheating when he is on his work trip
Not overreacting, he’s a creep putting up a camera without your knowledge. I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him for anything after that. I’d move out while he’s gone.
Maybe a good time to leave while he is away? I can’t imagine he would have a good explanation for it – can you? This way, you can avoid a face to face confrontation.
Girl runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
He’s away, great time to get the hell out. There’s no excuse.
“we have a age gap but were a completely healthy couple.”
Yeah, this sounds real healthy.
Take it to the police, he could have been filming to 2 of you having sex.
Pack your stuff and run!
I gotta know how he acts later!
Call the police. And prosecute him. Who knows where this footage is going?
What’s funny is that he can’t call you out for removing the camera without ratting himself out! That’s hilarious! (And extremely horrifying)
Not overreacting!
Who still has a digital clock in their bedroom?
If he’s filmed you he’s filmed others. Without consent is crossing so many boundaries and issues of trust it shows he’s capable of so much more and so much worse. This is not normal behavior. This is predatory. This is sociopathic. I don’t think you should even bother telling him you know or asking why because men like this have a way of talking themselves of anything and everything. My guess is he will lie and say he “forgot” it was there and it was because he “had a house cleaner” at one point. Don’t believe him. It’s BS.
Sounds like he’s insecure and he doesn’t trust that you won’t sleep with someone else or somewhere else while he’s gone. Not a real secure foundation for a good relationship of this kind of mess is going on.
The AI is starting to consume itself LMAO
You are under reacting if you’re still living with him.
No. I hope when he returns from his trip, he finds all of his stuff packed in boxes and a list of hotels he can move to, or else he finds you already moved out.
I don’t think you can over react enough here.
You are absolutely not overreacting. I dated a woman who six months into our relationship suddenly started demanding not only to read all my text messages but to approve whatever I typed AND all my phone calls had to be taken on speaker. Despite that? I think what he did to you is even MORE fucked up. Run, don’t walk, out of that relationship.
OP, I would proceed with cuation. Can you access his phone or pc? Could be he’s filming you and selling it.
Of course you’re not underreacting.
No comment.
You are under reacting by staying.
R U N
This is dangerous. That’s a major violation of your privacy and shows signs of deceit with someone already much older than you. You need to make a plan now on getting yourself out. You need to get some money sufficient enough for you to leave. That camera should lead to realize that something is wrong and he is flawed.
8 months is very early on. You don’t want to get with someone who has the capacity to financially exploit you and they’re already violating your boundaries. Get away or the future with this creep could be way worse.
You are underreacting. Call the cops. Be angry.
This is actually a felony that can make him a registered sex offender
Be shocked AND angry. Definitely not okay
He’s on a trip? Great time to pack and go. This is not alright
As someone that was in a relationship just. like. yours…. GET OUT!
GET. OUT. NOW.
It only gets worse.
Sadly, I didn’t get out before we got married and had kids, so I was tied to him until our kids became adults.
Run!!! This is not ok! Who knows what he’s been doing with that footage!
Police report seems to be a good avenue for this. You are definitely not overreacting. Does he have them all over the house or just the bedroom? Even if all over, seems strange to put one in there at the very least. If no others in the house, you can be 100% sure your assumptions and fears are legit.
I think I’d be looking through other things like computers and tablets to find the videos. NOR
The fact that you can’t see all these red flags waving in your face and running for the hills tells me you might need your eyes checked.
You need to break up with him before he baby traps you.
You are not overreacting.
There are some basic human rights and one is a right to personal privacy.
If I were a voyeur fetishist I’d just ask my partner if I could do it, show her how to turn it off and never record it.
The only way this would be cool is if you made a game out of it and gave your partner total control of it.
Without consent it’s messed up and probably illegal nearly everywhere.
> 28 female and 43 male… dating for about 8 months… We live together
Here we go again.
> we have a age gap but were a completely healthy couple
Narrator: They were not, in fact, a healthy couple.
Look, can couples work in spite of a large age-gap? Sure, it happens. Is 28 and 43 the most egregious age gap? No. But the combination of large age gap, and already living together despite not even being together for a year… yikes.
Also, keep in mind… the clock camera is just the only camera you’ve found so far. I’d also probably check the bathroom if I were you.
The relationship should be over. If I were in your shoes, I’d be having a conversation with the police.
I would be out in a heartbeat – that’s after I’d cot the cord in his ‘alarm clock’ .
You couldn’t take care of me enough to be with someone I didn’t really know
Them: Sus, why are you single? You could find a guy in half a minute on a dating app…
Me: between my own dating history and shit like this… nah, I’m good.
You need to investigate the rest of the house because this surely isn’t the only camera.
Might be time to check the sex offender list in your area. I don’t like that my brain went this way, but this kind of behavior does sort of break the trail for me.
Massively underreacting
You’re massively under reacting. You need to MOVE OUT, 100%, before he returns. You take photographic evidence of the SPY cameras he’s using WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT.
This is a violation of trust, respect, and your personhood.
Get out.
NOR! My father did this with our shower when I was younger and he recorded my sister and her friends in the shower to share with his buddies at the fire station. Creeps are everywhere and are so hard to avoid sometimes.
Well, now you know why people his own age won’t date him.
So two scenarios. One is spying on you because he doesn’t trust you. The other is that he is trying to capture explicit content for his, umm, gratification.
Does it matter to you which?
The post could have ended in the age gap and it would still be awful… I am truly sorry and concerned for you.
Put a purse or book in front of it until you can get his computer to delete any videos.