I’m (F37) really struggling right now and I need to know if I’m being overly sensitive or if my feelings are valid. My husband (M34) took his daughter (my stepdaughter) dress shopping, bought her shoes, and helped her get ready for her 3rd-grade father-daughter dance. It was sweet to see, but at the same time, it really hit me hard.
My oldest daughter (from a previous relationship—her dad isn’t in the picture at all) is getting ready for her senior prom, and she’s having to buy her own dress, shoes, and everything else that comes with it. I’ve tried to help where I can, but with my health issues, I’ve been trying to get disability (which I’ve recently given up on) and am now looking for whatever work I can find. The $40/week I get in child support doesn’t stretch very far, and it just feels like I’m failing her.
My husband hasn’t offered to help her, hasn’t asked how she’s managing, nothing. And it’s breaking my heart. I’m trying not to compare, but when I see how willing and involved he is with his daughter’s big moment—even at just 9 years old—it makes the complete absence of support for my daughter’s huge milestone feel like a slap in the face.
We’ve been having issues in our relationship already, to the point where I don’t even know if this is salvageable anymore. But this just feels like the final straw. I don’t want to make a mountain out of a molehill, but I can’t shake the feeling that this is about more than just a dress.
Am I overreacting?
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Backup of the post’s body: I’m (F37) really struggling right now and I need to know if I’m being overly sensitive or if my feelings are valid. My husband (M34) took his daughter (my stepdaughter) dress shopping, bought her shoes, and helped her get ready for her 3rd-grade father-daughter dance. It was sweet to see, but at the same time, it really hit me hard.
My oldest daughter (from a previous relationship—her dad isn’t in the picture at all) is getting ready for her senior prom, and she’s having to buy her own dress, shoes, and everything else that comes with it. I’ve tried to help where I can, but with my health issues, I’ve been trying to get disability (which I’ve recently given up on) and am now looking for whatever work I can find. The $40/week I get in child support doesn’t stretch very far, and it just feels like I’m failing her.
My husband hasn’t offered to help her, hasn’t asked how she’s managing, nothing. And it’s breaking my heart. I’m trying not to compare, but when I see how willing and involved he is with his daughter’s big moment—even at just 9 years old—it makes the complete absence of support for my daughter’s huge milestone feel like a slap in the face.
We’ve been having issues in our relationship already, to the point where I don’t even know if this is salvageable anymore. But this just feels like the final straw. I don’t want to make a mountain out of a molehill, but I can’t shake the feeling that this is about more than just a dress.
Am I overreacting?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
I understand how you feel and I wouldn’t really say you’re overreacting, but I will point out there is no way a 9 year old could pay for her own dress etc whereas if your teen daughter has a job or could have a job it’s more reasonable to expect her to pay for hers. Have you or your daughter asked him for help or support during this time? Maybe he would help if he knew it was needed or if he was asked and included in getting the dress?
I had to buy my
Own prom ticket, and my own tux, etc. were as when I was 9 I didn’t have the ability to make
Money so my parents had to buy my
Clothes.
Have you asked?
I married my wife and we both knew we had children from another marriage that would become”our kids”; there was never any question as to treating them the same as all of our children we had later.
If there was a question the marriage would not have occurred. You have set expectations already though and it may be too late to renegotiate the contract. Always be an advocate for your children; if it isn’t appreciated you have the wrong partner.