So I (22f) been dating my boyfriend in total for three months and I recently told him through text (I know I shouldn’t have done that) that I think I’m falling in love with him. We talked in person the next day during our sleepover and he told me he likes me a lot but he’s not there yet. This morning he texts me this:
I dont want to just say what I think you want to hear. I think we’d need to spend more time together for those feelings to grow for me. I do like you and care about you a lot…
Now of course I can’t force someone to feel the same but now I’m anxious , like say if he never feels that way and he uses me as a placeholder? Is it normal for feelings to be imbalanced in the beginning of a relationship?
Comments
Give it time, but maybe give yourself a hard limit when he needs to reciprocate before you break up.
Sounds like he knows how to communicate, and if he didn’t feel that way for you going forward he would probably tell you.
One of the joys of a relationship, you never truly know how they’re thinking or how things will end up. You are overthinking, just enjoy what you have
This is normal! When I was 22/23, my then girlfriend told me she loved me. We’d been dating for longer than three months, but not like, years or anything.
I told her I wasn’t sure if I could or should say it back. She told me that if I wanted to stay with her, I needed to say the words and I needed to stand by them. I realized I was just being a coward, and I needed to grow up and be vulnerable. So I told her that I did in fact love her.
We’ve been married twelve years now. Best decision I ever made.
Totally natural for a lot of people to not fall in love after 3 months. This doesn’t mean you’re his placeholder. Give it time, and see how it plays out. Don’t overthink this because that’s going to be a nightmare for you.
That sounds like a very honest sentiment, couched in a caring way. I would absolutely stick around to see what happens.
If your love isn’t reciprocated down the line and you feel like a placeholder, then yeah – that sucks and you guys should split up, but this sounds entirely valid to me.
If he never feels that way eventually you will dump him. Heck you may decide at some point you’re not in love with him for other reasons. At 22 you’re probably still learning what you need and your deal breakers. So no matter what happens it’s not wasted time.
You posted this a week ago already and 11 days before that. And maybe before that, I didn’t wanna go back further in your post history.
I think you need to let this go. And yes, I think you are overthinking.
Also is this about the 6 years older dude?
Are you usually this anxious/obsessive?
Have you been in counseling or anything like that before?