Am I the a-hole for not wanting to call my older sister to let her know I got engaged. My now fiancé (33M) and I (32F) have been together for 2 years and got engaged yesterday. My fiancé called my parents on Thursday to let them know he was proposing on Saturday, so that they can be there for my surprise proposal. My fiancé only communicates with my parents but never really talks to my sister or my best friend, but he found my bff on Instagram and messaged her to help him set up the proposal but he didn’t message my sister because she does not have instagram and he never got her phone number. He said he figured my parents would let my sister know. Well, I posted my proposal pics on ig and FB yesterday and my sister saw it and just ♥️ it never messaged me or commented “congratulations” not even a phone call. My mom calls me this morning and tells me I need to call my sister and tell her I got engaged yesterday. I said “my sister needs to call me to congratulate me” my mom “ your sister said she messaged you and you haven’t messaged her back” I checked on of my social media accounts and txt messages there was no message from her but there were messages from people I haven’t seen or spoken to in over a decade congratulating me but not from my sister. My mom tells me to just give my sister a call she doesn’t want problems in the family. Am I the asshole for refusing to call my older sister to let her know the big news?
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Backup of the post’s body: Am I the a-hole for not wanting to call my older sister to let her know I got engaged. My now fiancé (33M) and I (32F) have been together for 2 years and got engaged yesterday. My fiancé called my parents on Thursday to let them know he was proposing on Saturday, so that they can be there for my surprise proposal. My fiancé only communicates with my parents but never really talks to my sister or my best friend, but he found my bff on Instagram and messaged her to help him set up the proposal but he didn’t message my sister because she does not have instagram and he never got her phone number. He said he figured my parents would let my sister know. Well, I posted my proposal pics on ig and FB yesterday and my sister saw it and just ♥️ it never messaged me or commented “congratulations” not even a phone call. My mom calls me this morning and tells me I need to call my sister and tell her I got engaged yesterday. I said “my sister needs to call me to congratulate me” my mom “ your sister said she messaged you and you haven’t messaged her back” I checked on of my social media accounts and txt messages there was no message from her but there were messages from people I haven’t seen or spoken to in over a decade congratulating me but not from my sister. My mom tells me to just give my sister a call she doesn’t want problems in the family. Am I the asshole for refusing to call my older sister to let her know the big news?
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Signs like you have a difficult relationship with your sister and she may be the golden child. That means she has to be appeased with you groveling that you didn’t mean to leave her out. If that is the case, just ignore it all and get married and go low contact with anyone that gives you a hard time about it. Not the AH!
I get where you are coming from but I think this is a situation where I would be the bigger person and reach out to her. She has the potential bigger beef for not having been contacted at all when others were. She does not necessarily know that your fiance had no way of getting her number and you posted to FB before telling her (where people you have not talked to in 10+ years were able to see it). To me, that is more painful than not getting a congratulations.
To be clear, I am not saying you did anything wrong, but if you take a step back and if you were not involved and say it is your best friend telling you that she felt her sister did not tell her the engagement story before putting it out there to the world, what would you think?
Be the bigger person, call and explain everything that happened and move on with a good relationship with your sister.
Split the difference and send her a text message or a voice note. That way you’ve told her, but without having to speak to her directly…
She liked the post so it’s clear she knows. A phone call is just to appease her, to make her feel special 🙄 she sounds exhausting.