In January I (36f) booked a small holiday together with my partner (41m). Everything was under my name and paid for everything. He would pay me his half.
3 months later he told me he couldn’t pay me back anymore and asked me to cancel.
If I cancelled I would get 90% money back. 10% won’t be refunded.
I decided that I would keep the booking and gifting him his part cause we both needed to unwind a bit.
He didn’t like it because it made him feeling small. That I had to care for him.
He told me to just cancel it.
I told him that I didn’t want to and that it was a gift he could stay home but that I was going. But he could come with me. He told me he would come with me.
Today is the day we left for our little holiday. He did come but is screaming to me that what I did was wrong. That I made the choice for him.
But I really didn’t. I made the choice for me and invited him to come with me without costs.
I really wanted a little holiday but I regret that he’s with me. He’s extremely mad at me, is unkind and only says that I manipulate him to feel small and well I just wanted to relax.
Am I the a hole for not canceling?
Comments
Nta, ungrateful ass
NTA. But after his behaviour you should have cancelled your subscription to the man.
If he wanted to stop “feeling small” he could have paid what he promised or stayed home.
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them.”-Maya Angelou
Wow, what an unpleasant person he must be.
NTA
So he’s screaming at you because you paid for the trip and his macho man 50s mindset is that he should’ve paid for it. And now he’s screaming at you.
Not the asshole but I think you need to think about this relationship. Cause he is not being mature or acting his age or acting like at adult at all. He needs to grow up and get away from that mysoginistic attitude
NTA. He feels “small” because he is “small”. The good thing he’ll flush easily. Screaming at you is an instant relationship killer anyway.
NTA, did he offer to cover the cancellation fees? Or were you supposed to eat that?
But no, of course you’re not the AH. He didn’t have to come. Here’s the thing, you don’t need to vacation together. If he keeps bugging at you, just get your own room and do your own thing. Dude sounds like an insecure jackwagon.
Dump that mental midget. You did a nice thing. And he has issues.
NTA You offered a gift – he could’ve said no. He chose to come, and now he’s blaming you for his own feelings. It’s not your fault he’s upset about your kindness. You wanted a break – you deserve to enjoy it
NTA
This man would be my ex shortly after we got back home.
NTA. I think dude is genuinely an insecure man. You did a nice thing that any normal guy be like “i got a good partner for caring”. You don’t deserve a person who is inconsiderate like that, but i think you should be grateful that he showed you this side of him. It gives you enough feedback to say “do i want to continue this relationship?”
So, basically he decided to go to the mini vacation but is spoiling the vacation with his insecurity and childish behavior. Why are you with him? Send him back to his house. You enjoy your needed vacation and rethink this relationship
He’s insecure. You didn’t do anything wrong
NTA. If I were him, I would be grateful for her gift. Then I’d work even harder to someday give her an even bigger gift.
I’m what way are you happy with this person in your life? Like seriously, I want to know… is he super fantastic in bed? Is he curing cancer?
I’m out of ideas after that.
NTA obvs…
He’s way too old to behave like this NTA. Sure you want him with you?
Time for a new partner.
he is a misogynist and feels small because you a woman paid for him, leave him he is pathetic
let this be a lesson, grown ass temper tantrum!! he is goign to ruin your “little getaway” When you get back.. let it be over!
Nta. Hes an ungrateful ass. Get him a ticket home.
He is the only AH here. Do your future self a huge favor and dump him as soon as you get home or now and send him packing (unless you think he will damage your belongings if he is back home without you).
This is who he is and will be your future. Better fish in the sea.
NTA He should have saved money for this trip.
NTA – some men can’t handle being out-earned by women. This is a red flag…cut bait.
Ungrateful, rude, spoilt and insecure aren’t great qualities. Deliberately ruining a nice gesture because a woman has paid for it?? It’s not the 50’s… grow up man…
What’s on the positive side???
Time to weigh it up and see if he’s worth the time and love you’re putting in… its not the money it’s the way he’s decided to ruin the nice thing you did for both of you… I think however the break you need is from him…
He’s an Ass whole, leave him in the hotel and go and enjoy your free time
NTA and dump his immature ass. It is not your responsibility to make him feel like a man. Most people would’ve been grateful and chipped in where they could. He’s ungrateful and egotistical which is a terrible combination. He should’ve kept his miserable ass at home.
NTA. I keep re-reading your sentence – “I made the choice for me” – so do more of that. This man is clearly blind and unable to see the amazing person you are. I hope you get a moment to enjoy your holiday 😊
No, but you may be TA for staying with a man-baby.
IF he feels small, it’s because he is small. Cancel the rest of your relationship with him because it will give you 10% pleasure and 90% stress.
NTA in a partnership each of you may go through tough times, the whole damn point is to help each other through them. When he’s more stable he could repay by booking another getaway for you both. He sounds like an idiot
42 acting like a giant man child. Yikes. No way Id put up with that non sense.
Don’t come a trip woth me if you are going to be a pain the entire time and not let me enjoy myself.
Absolutely not. Since he is unhappy, send him home. No reason for him to ruin your vacation. You should have invited a friend to go with you when he asked you to cancel. You would have been happier. One more thing. Dump him when you get home for being a baby and spoiling your trip.
You cannot be the asshole when all you did was present a reasonable choice. He is the one who made the choice, he is the one making himself feel small. And he should feel small, not because you paid for a holiday, but because he refuses to take responsibility for his own actions and decisions and instead wants to shift the blame onto you. Is this really the kind of life you want?
Wow, that is incredibly hurtful! You actually gifted him a holiday, and he is saying that it belittles him. That is a very macho/ patriarchal way to view a relationship and I would be extremely worried about that.
I would not either forget that you stated clearly that you need the vacation, and that you are ok going on your own in the event he does not want to come… You are communicating your needs, and also showing that you value taking care of yourself in an independent way, which is great!
He did not HAVE to come then… Meaning that he is not ok to not provide, and he is not ok with letting you rest the way you want (having him sulk and be mad but be anything but restful…).
If you value your relationship, I would advise to try to get him to communicate when he calms down, to try to understand if there is something specific going on (a feeling of failure in life? In his work??)? Has he pulled something like that before?
Remember it is ok to enjoy your time off, and not feel guilty. Feel free to explore on your own, or to read a book in a peaceful environment etc…
Good luck!
He sounds like an ungrateful, insecure little man. Time to find a partner, not a toddler.
NTA
Unless you want to be in a relationship where you are continually abused because he’s decided he feels small, dump him. This kind of behaviour doesn’t get better, it only escalates.
NTA. Tell him he can either stay there and enjoy the free vacation with you or he can still go home and be an ass there. But there is no third option where he gets to stay and be an insufferable asshole to you.
You didn’t make him feel small. He just feels small and what you did highlighted it. But I still think you should have cancelled. He didn’t want to go and you should have respected that. Maybe you could have went with a different person if you wanted to go. Still no need for guilt now, I would just try to encourage some fun since you’re there now. He has some self esteem issues. He could have been mad for the bit of manipulation for him to go. He needs to be more clear about not going and not go if he don’t want to go. Be he can’t blame you for how he feels, only he is responsible for how he feels. That’s a self esteem issue that he already had.
Nta this sounds abusive
Awe poor little man and his tiny ego cant handle a women paying for a vacation for him. So now he has to throw a tantrum. He showed who he truly is. Buy him a plane ticket home tell him to pack his shit and be gone by the time your back. Then enjoy your vacation. If need be have someone at you place to watch him pack and leave.
Nta but break up with him when you get back or send him back home now. I wouldn’t waste a red cent on him. If he wont leave he can sulk in the room but you go enjoy.
NTA.
But find someone who’s worth it. Not this clown.
I will never understand why some folks feel the need to stay with people who make their lives harder and sadder… OP, our partners in life are supposed to make our lives richer, filled with love, acceptance and joy. People who we can cry with and celebrate with and build a life together. You’re still young & have a lot of years left, do some serious math..
You’re NTA for not canceling the trip, you are for bringing him along. You could’ve surprised a good friend or family member on your trip. They could’ve gone along for only the blank cost of an extra hotel room.
NTA. Because he’s insecure that doesn’t mean you are the AH. He needs to grow up. If he really feels a certain way about it, just pay it back when he can. It’s not that big of a deal.
That is why we don´t date poor men, sister.
NTA unless you stay with this immature guy.
YTA only because you don’t say “ex-partner”
How does you paying for vacation make him “feel small” and are there other misogynistic traits he’s exhibiting.
It’s a huge red flag, in any type of relationship, if people can’t graciously receive a gift.
Buy him a ticket home
NTA. I once dated a man who seemed like a kind person until the fact I earned more than him played a part in our lives and he got so weird and defensive about stuff. It was the smoke to the deeper root of the issue, the fire that he was low-key sexist and felt emasculated. I dumped him.
NTA
As soon as he started his BS, I’d have dumped him at the airport.
This is a solid 8 on the FAFO scale. Time for the partner to Find Out.
So he wants it both ways: he gets to go on the holiday with you for free AND he gets to make himself feel bigger by yelling at you for “forcing” him to go.
If you stick with this guy, prepare yourself for having to apologize and be made to feel bad because he’s insecure and resentful. You did something thoughtful and kind and his reaction was to sulk and throw a tantrum.
You did nothing wrong. This relationship should be over
Of course he still came on the trip but with his bad ass attitude
What a dickhead. There’s nothing worse than an insecure person. NTA
NTA he sounds like an insecure little boy with a fragile ego. Men like him who feels emasculated because his partner is financially better are mysoginistic AHs. You can do better. A partner is happy when their SO succeeds, and is grateful when their partner can provide financially. Do you want a lifetime of having to walk on egg shells every time he feels you are doing better instead of celebrating your achievements.
God how can someone be so ungrateful he should just have accepted to wonderful gesture.
Nta I would second guess this relationship
Male egos are a real thing and they are honestly taken too lightly by most people. However, in this case your bf is just acting like a whiny little shit. NTA.
NTA- Should have taken someone else. Someone who would have thanked you instead of acting man-child. Like someone who was going through a divorce, has been sick, just got out of school, etc.
I have a strong dislike towards insecure men, especially if that insecurity stems from a woman doing better than them and/or toxic masculinity.
Edit: NTA, tell him to go work on himself.
Can you send him back home and go without him?
NTA. This man did you a favor, by showing you what an awful person he really is. Do your own thing on the vacation and dump his backside as soon as you get back.
NTA, he’s a pathetic man child.
NTA, he is being highly immature and misogynistic. You might need to find a more mentally mature partner.
Dump him, OP. He feels small and is blaming that on you instead of working on his own issues. And he decided to go with you to punish you. If you went without him, he wouldn’t be able to ruin your whole trip to teach you a lesson for not obeying him. He’s red flag city. Leave his ass on the side of the highway and enjoy your trip.
wtf! Nta. Full stop. 🛑 he’s a massive twatwaffle if he camt relax and say thanks. Separate your lives and start planning the next holiday without him asap.
NTA. You could have asked him to pay totally for the next one. There’s something very wrong with him, that he’s screaming at you because you’ve asked him to accompany him on a vacation. I’d be asking myself why I’m with him.
NTA… he decided to go with you.
Would have been better to go alone. Are you sure you want to sign up for this behavior?
Ask him if the situation was reversed would he bring you along. If he would not that is a statement on how he wants the relationship. Plan on that in your relationship. It doesn’t need to be a deal breaker but a communication point.
If he would bring you along remind him that most likely you will need his support sometime in your future. It’s a partnership you probably can’t define on how you will need support but we all do.
NTA. Tell him to go home. Enjoy the rest of it by yourself.
What a tiny little ego he has. He is embarrassing himself. You are being bullied, he is pulling the wings off a fly. He doesn’t love you. Sorry
NTA
Wow, he is a manipulating idiot. He somehow tries to make this your fault and ruins the holiday.
Change his flight details and have him be sent right back home as soon as you land because he will absolutely ruin this trip for you.
Super childish behavior for a 41 year old. Maybe he shouldn’t be in a relationship at if his insecurities are based on money cuz going on a trip to be negative the whole time is pointless. Just he feel like a loser and beating him self up he taking it out on you.. this is literally MISERY LOVE COMPANY. He miserable so he not going to allow you to enjoy yourself. If he can’t afford things than you can give him your card so he the one paying for everything visually but this is something I told my 22 year old sister to do to make her bf comfortable with her paying for dates he can’t afford I wouldn’t think a 41 year old would act this way
Sounds like this relationship may have run its course
Send him home and enjoy your holiday.
Who taught you that this is what love looks like?
Honey, why punish yourself by staying with someone like this?
Not sure. I assume you’re not married yet? Do you have joint finances? Is this trip on credit cards? Or paid for outright?
I think we need to understand more the nuance of your financial situation as a couple, before passing judgement on him or you.
My husband and I just went on a wonderful vacation to The DR. But in reality, we shouldn’t have been spending the money while being $60K in debt.
It was debt that I was unaware of. And now we’re on a financial diet once it came to my awareness that the trip we took was all on credit (when I thought we had the money to pay it outright).
NTA, OP wanted/needed this holiday, if her partner didn’t want to go on the trip because HE felt belittled by her paying for the entire trip, he should’ve declined to go on it. OP shouldn’t feel guilty about being able to afford a vacation and including a “loved one”, however she needs to rethink this relationship.
Drop his ass off at the Grayhound station, or train depot and continue with out him, you will have much more fun. At least you have seen this side of him before you got married. Dump hi sass he doesn’t deserve you!
I would tell him you’re doing your own thing for the rest of the trip. No option. If he’s going to be an ass, he can go pout on his own and not ruin it for you also.
NTA. You made a choice to take a vacation for youself. He didn’t have the money to go. But you still have right to take a vacation with your hard-earned money. If he was so upset, he shouldn’t have gone.
The real problem here is his abusive and controlling behavior towards you. That is Not OK. He needs counselling, or you need to consider where you draw the line.
He makes himself feel like he is small, it’s his mindset of man pays own way, man provider. It’s a free trip with the woman he loves WTF.
You’re the AH for putting up with that crap 😉
NTA for wanting a holiday but OP your boyfriend should be your ex for his behaviour.
Like, this is the actions of an underage teenage boy who was brought up spoiled, got told no and is now on his back, screaming in the middle of a grocery store.
You should have taken the vacation without him and you should also remove him from your life.
NTA
You literally did nothing wrong.
His reaction though is not cool.
I’d think about things while on holiday.
NTA.
Ditch him in the hotel room as much as possible and try to enjoy the trip on your own. Dump him when you get back. You deserve someone who respects you as an equal, not someone who thinks supporting their partner makes that partner “smaller”. That’s essentially what he’s saying – if he’d paid for it, it’d be fine, because he’d see you as the “small” one and in his mind that’s your natural place.
your bf is an AH and an ingrate. What an idiot baby. Try to have fun on your vacation despite him and consider getting rid of him as soon as you’re home. He should be VERY GRATEFUL that he is being treated to a couples vacation for free! Instead, he’s trying to make you feel bad because HE doesn’t have enough money? Absurd. (I wish you had posted before leaving; bet most people would have suggested you bring a girlfriend and leave his sulky ungrateful *ss at home.)
NTA and I think you need to reevaluate this relationship.
I will never understand why some of you let people treat you so badly. You paid for a vacation and instead of your bf being happy and grateful he is screaming at you and berating you. On your dime. Then, not only are you allowing yourself to be treated badly but you’re asking if you’re the one that’s wrong. How in the world could you be the one in the wrong???? This is just mind blowing. Stop accepting poor treatment and disrespect.
I think his ego is bruised. Have an open conversation with him about it in a way it doesn’t hurt it (ego) even more. Hope you both enjoy y’all’s holiday and tell him to relax and enjoy a much needed break from the stresses of life. If he still complains and calls you manipulative, I would question the relationship! Like what is wrong with paying for your partner?!
NTA Some people just can’t be done favours or helped. Usually because they are AH
Personally I would have gone alone
And this is how the rest of your life will go with somebody With small dick energy… Do you feel bonita about it?
He is a jersey. You can and must do better for yourself
🚩NTA and this man is a red flag. What happened to partnership? That is what relationships are. When one is down, the other lifts and carries. Married 26 years here and this is why we have made it. We have realized that when one is down the other picks up. Over and over again. We help each other. Right now my husband is carrying me.
Hens the asshole. what you did was very nice!! I d be grateful if me and enjoy the gift..I d hope one day I could give you A gift just as good as that one
Wth? No send the ungrateful bastard away and enjoy your holiday and hopefully a full peaceful life without the ego of this awful person.
NTA
Your husband couldn’t or wouldn’t honor his promise to pay half of everything – and still resents your generosity. To ‘feel small’ seems of his own making! He did wrong and then accuses you of doing wrong for “taking him on the holiday” you both needed.
There may be more back story to what’s currently happening. He’s acting like a spoiled teenager caught out in a lie! He’s disrespecting you and your relationship. You need to reflect upon your self-care and how you honor your well-being (and future).
Tell him to go back home and enjoy your holiday. He’s pretty insecure huh?
NTA
Your husband has a huge ego. He needs to work on himself before his baby tantrums make you stop loving him and divorce him. He’s not a man a wife can be proud of. He’s only feels like a man if he’s winning over you. He should feel ashamed!
He has to do the work….
NTA. You set up a trip to go and enjoy and you gave him the option to come without pressure. It really isn’t your fault he’s upset, after all taking care of yourself isn’t wrong.
Your partner is a man-child.
He is not worth your future. You should have found a different man to take on this holiday already, after his first weird behavior
He would rather you lose most of your money than just stfu and enjoy himself with you? He could have made it upto you another time.
Is he a little girl that he has to scream at you because he is having a tantrum?
NTA. But you need to seriously consider canceling this relationship because your boyfriend is jerk.
NTA. You were trying to do a nice thing. I get where he’s coming from but if he was going to ruin it then he just should’ve stayed home.
When you say partner 41 you don’t mean 41 years old right? He sounds like a child.
nta
He’s being a controlling, insecure, manchild.
He’s showing you who he is, believe him.
I’d break up with him (after talking to a lawyer to find out how to get out of the house you bought with him).
NTA. Please dump him at the first opportunity you have (even if it’s at a gas station in a small town). He’s not your partner, no partner would verbally abuse you over a trip. If he is feeling insecure about his masculinity because of it, that’s a problem for him and him alone. I have a hunch that he would have behaved this way if you had a) went on the trip alone or b) invited a friend or family member to go instead. He didn’t get his exact way and is verbally abusing you over it. You deserve better. You deserve better. One more time… You deserve better!
This dude has a screw loose.
Tell him he wasn’t forced to go with you and he needs to go home so you can enjoy the trip away. Don’t allow him to ruin your trip. When you get home, meet up in public if you have anything that belongs to him, give it back and say it’s over. Don’t stay with a man who will ruin a planned trip he agreed to go on, because it will happen again over something else.
He could have chosen NOT to go….him “feeling small” isn’t your problem. NTA, OP. This should show you what he’s gonna be like when things don’t go his way/how he hoped in the future. No self-reflection, just blame. It’s REALLY not a good look for a grown up.
NTA
Although maybe you should have brought a friend with you instead. Or gone alone.
Tell him you’ve had enough of his moaning. That he can fly back if he wants while you relax. But if he stays, you want him to wind his neck in and pay for the meals out.
Lots of insecurity and red flags. Proper answer from him is “Thank you!” and “I’ll get the next holiday.”
NTA – toxic masculinity is real
NTA.. He’s feeling inferior because you paid for a trip for the both of you and now he’s sabotaging it by being confrontational and whiney. Sorry to say, but this is a huge red flag moving forward with your relationship. He’s the type that, should you make more than he, it’ll bother him to no end.
NTA. Your money and your choice. He needs to learn how to accept a gift with grace and not see it as an obligation. That he reacted this way may be a possible red flag of his own insecurities.
NTA for not canceling the trip but YTA for being so generous to gifting a trip to such a loser of a guy. Dump him.
NTA. I think the relationship is over. Whatever happened for him to change or why it happened doesn’t really matter in the long run. It’s going to be difficult with the joint property, but you need to start the separation process now before the negativity escalates.
Is there an option to just leave him at your destination?
Ick.
NTA
Tell him he quits acting like an AH or he leaves. You won’t allow him to ruin your holiday. Wait no forget that. BREAK UP with the controlling AH now! This is that important. You’ll be doing yourself a favor. Red flags 🚩everywhere! He’s showing you who he is. Pay attention.
No. Send him home and enjoy your holiday solo.
NTA –
You didn’t make him feel small, he did that all in his own little mind. You just offered a vacation, already paid for.
His whining is all on him and a big fat RED 🚩🚩🚩🚩. I would dump this looser, fast.
Honesty if he pulled this complaining about feeling small $hit to me, before the trip, I would have brought a friend instead … at least you could relax and have fun with your friend … instead of having to listen to a pity fest from your boy-man.
Good Luck. U R gonna need it!!
Wow. Great boyfriend you have there. Next time, go without him, since it’s so emasculating for him to have his partner do something kind for him. NTA, but you can do better.
Stupid man. If ignore him till he decides to act like an adult!!! If he doesn’t, be glad you haven’t wasted mire years on him
What an ungrateful ah he is.
NTA. Also, I expect that no matter what decision you made, he’d be just as whiny right now. Even if you cancelled the trip and stayed home, I’d bet that he’d be making passive aggressive comments about how you deprived him of this trip just because of money and he “sees how you are now” that he needs “your help”. It’s only going to get worse the longer you stay
Tell him to go home. That you don’t want to burden him with the responsibility and awfulness of accepting a loving, kind gesture from you.
And – so he feels fine screeching at you, rather than saying “Hey, I didn’t realise how bad I’d feel about your doing this for us. I’m sorry, I can’t enjoy myself or accept it so rather than being a sulky screeching baby I’ll go home. But thank you for your generosity”
ETA NTAH
OP let me let you in on a secret about people like your soon to be Ex…..
You couldn’t have made a proper choice.
If you had cancelled (even though he suggested it) you would have been “selfish” because you could have “afforded to cover both of your costs or wait for him to pay you back later, but all you cared about was money”.
If you had said no problem if you don’t want to go and feel weird about me paying your part, I’m going (by yourself or with someone else, like your sister or whoever) well then you’d have been selfish for going and enjoying something without him.
And since you chose the most generous and most likely to lead to fun option, he is going to spend the ENTIRE trip making sure you don’t get a moment’s peace or enjoyment out of the situation. He’s really only along not to enjoy the trip but to make sure you don’t.
There are some people in this world who truly only feel real and important when they’re making someone else unhappy because it “proves” that they matter when you tolerate their abuse.
It doesn’t get better and you’re more than halfway down the internalized blame slide. You paid for a lovely vacation for you and your BF and he’s screaming at you and angry at you about it and you’re actually wondering what YOU might have done wrong?
Wow, imagine the guilt and shame you’d be feeling if you hadn’t done something that any sane person would consider to be a lovely, generous gift.
What if you’d put mustard on a sandwich when you should have remembered that he only likes mustard on ham and not on roast beef?!!
Girl ignore this fool as much as you can while you try to enjoy your vacation, but do it knowing it won’t be a problem next time because there won’t BE a next time.
You are NTA unless you continue to let yourself be mistreated this way. And don’t be fooled by the love bombing he’ll try when he realizes you’re over his shit. That’s what they always do.
And be careful of the reaction after that because some of these creatures can be dangerous.
NTA!! Screaming at you! Dump this AH!!!!
How insecure is this guy that he can’t accept a gift from someone he’s supposed to love? There’s a million ways he could repay your kindness, but instead he’d rather get angry because you dare to not obey him.
This is why I am single. I grew tired of not being able to do things I wanted because he couldn’t afford it.
This seems suspicious. If he really wanted to go on the holiday, he could have suggested ways to pay you back later, either when his next paycheck comes through or in instalments over a longer time. Or he could take a gift from his partner in good grace, which isn’t difficult for most people at all. Instead, all this theatrics makes me think that he suddenly decided he didn’t want to come on this holiday for reasons unrelated to money, but was too proud to actually admit it. Either way, he’s completely in the wrong here, and if he isn’t willing to get over himself and give you the apology you’re due… Well (insert common Reddit relationship advice here).
But seriously, if he isn’t able to get over himself like this, then it tells you what kind of person he is, and not in a good way.
Tell him he can shut his ungrateful mouth up and put his big boy boxers on or he can walk his own ass home cause you paid for a vacation not whatever the hell this is. My petty ass would pull in a gas station, ask him to get me some snacks and drive away to enjoy my vacation once he was out.
You are a wonderful person gifting a holiday. My wife and I went on our first holiday together since our honeymoon fifty years earlier. We have only just got back. I think you are a very thoughtful person but your partner is not. Selfish. You don’t have a partnership in reality, I am sorry. I do hope you find someone who you will have a mutually caring relationship with after you newly discovered ex leaves.
Why did he come on the holiday if what you did was so wrong?
He should be grateful but instead is treating you horribly. You need to get away from this toxic man
He can go home. Then he wouldn’t be on a holiday he didn’t pay for. Simple.
May you meet someone better on your holiday.
Edit to add NTA
NTA – but anyone mad for a paid vacation is not someone I would want a relationship with.
“Your toxic masculinity bullshit over me paying for this vacation is done. Go home if you can’t just enjoy this. I didn’t force you into going on vacation. I can afford this vacation, I wanted this vacation, I planned this vacation and I invited you on it, which now I’m highly regretting. Pull your shit together or just find your way home and don’t call me again. Really, get over yourself.”
NTA.
“… That I had to care for him …”, that what partners do, care for each other.
The issue is with him and who knows what from his past triggered this “… because it made him feeling small …”.
Hes behaving that way because he’s guilty of something else. Upset fine but screaming and wrecking the trip when he didn’t have to go is reallu suspect. His guilt is eating him up and he’s taking it out on you instead of owning up to it
Finish the vacation and break up with him. Seriously, he is showing you who he is…a man who always needs to feel more powerful than you. Should you not take a better job than him because he may, god forbid, feel weak? Should you live your less gloriously because he cannot afford the exact same? This will not improve.
NTA He sounds like an angry dickhead, and an insolvent one at that. Red flags everywhere here. You know what to do.
Please send him home and enjoy your holiday.
Leave him on the side of the road for being ungrateful.
Break up with him. Sell the house. Stay safe.
Send him home and break up with him.
NTA
This behavior is deal breaking level.
Let this boy go and date men.
Pack up his stuff, drive him to the bus station and send him home. Enjoy the rest of your vacation.🏡
I hope your next gift to yourself is coming home without a partner. If you snagging the check on something like this makes him feel small, i can only imagine the other things that you’ll discover make him feel small. Find an actual man who’s unthreatened by you, not a boy who’s doing a poor job pretending.
Sounds like you had to pay twice.
Financially then emotionally.
Your “partner” needs to get a grip.
GFL
I really dont understand this behaviour unless you’re lording it over him, which doesn’t seem to be the case.
NTA. People just need to let others be nice. Your partner overreacted and sounds like a bit of a control freak.
I cannot believe you would still go on a holiday with a guy this insecure. If a gift makes him feel small, well that’s just a ridiculous excuse.
OP I’m twice your age, and I wouldn’t think twice if a woman offered me a vacay. Or a man. It makes no difference, he’s being gifted a vacation. Why is he being such a crybaby? Because a woman gave him something? Time to cut the baby loose, and find yourself a new, good, 21st century man. One who gets the meaning of the word equal.
Nta wow he was actually screaming at you? Let him feel small, he is.
NTA but I think the holiday you need is a holiday away from him. Is it possible to send him home early?
Enjoy vacation, cancel the boyfriend.
Big red flag. run, don’t walk.
Sounds like a waste of space. If a guy is 41 and is such a loser he can’t afford a small vacation with his partner; that points to a lot of bad choices in life.
If the same guy has such a pathetic man-child ego that he is now resentful that you gifted him a vacation because it underlines what a loser he is, it shows ongoing poor life choices and poor character.
Can’t you do better?
Just a normal guy here. He’s a douche
“I can’t pay”
“Okay that’s fine you don’t have to”
“That’s fucked up!”
Am I correct in how this went? Because that doesn’t make any sense. You’re being a good partner to your partner and offering a trip free of expense he can’t afford and he’s screaming at you about how what you’re doing is wrong? Wtf? I’d be leaping with joy if I got a free vacation with my partner.
You’re doing something nice for someone you care about and he’s throwing it back in your face. NTA.