When my son was born early, my husband’s entire family—his mom, dad, sister, and grandmother—landed on the same day. It was chaos. I had just delivered, I was bleeding, sore, and my newborn was cluster feeding. The only comfortable place to feed him was the living room couch, so I basically lived out of there in a bathrobe and adult diapers, with people constantly around me. It was embarrassing, but I had no choice—they had flown in from another country. I had to keep feeding my baby no matter who was around. I just did what I had to do and went with the flow.
But things came to a head one day when my MIL was changing my 6-day-old baby’s diaper on the floor. The changing station was upstairs in our bedroom, and he hated it there, so we all avoided that. But he was screaming his lungs out while being changed, my MIL was sweet-talking him, my SIL had her hand on his chest, and then—my FIL decided to start playing the guitar.
I lost it. I said sharply, “Please stop, this is too much stimulation,” asked my SIL to move her hand, and told my MIL, “Just give him to me, I need to feed him.” My baby was also jaundiced (high bilirubin levels), and I was already extremely stressed.
Later that night, my MIL confronted me, saying what I said might have made my FIL feel bad. I was shocked. I was the one bleeding and in pain, my baby was crying, and she was worried about her husband’s feelings over my tone? I still handled it calmly and even apologized, but it really pissed me off. I somehow made it upstairs that night, and thankfully my feeding chair arrived the next day—so I stayed in my room for the next month.
Eventually, I talked it out with my MIL, but I didn’t really buy her reasoning. She said she just wanted to “get ahead of any bad feelings” from my FIL’s side. Fine. We moved on. Her husband, daughter, and mother eventually left, but she stayed.
Now we’re three months out. I’m finally feeling a little better, but I’m still feeding my baby 12–13 times a day. My FIL now wants to come and stay again—this time for 1.5 months. I just couldn’t do it. It’s terrible for my mental health to be confined to my room, and when he’s around, he’s very needy and attention-seeking but basically ignores me.
I told my husband to suggest a compromise: he can come for one week, go back, and then return for another week after a break. That’s the best I can handle, and surprisingly, my FIL agreed.
But living with my MIL continues to be really hard. She’s randomly critical about the way I handle my baby, and I’m scared to speak up because of how she reacted that first time. On top of that, I’m estranged from my own family, and she knows that. My husband has asked her to be sensitive about it—but honestly, she’s gone the opposite direction.
She is also on video calls with extended family 24*7 and stuffs the camera in my baby’s face randomly and I don’t like it but I definitely don’t like being on display to god knows who when I am still struggling.
Now they’re planning a big ceremony for my baby’s first solids, and I just want to cancel everything. I’m tired, overwhelmed, and still trying to find my footing.
TL;DR:
My husband’s entire family flew in the day my baby was born, and I had no privacy while recovering and breastfeeding. MIL confronted me for asking them to tone things down during an overstimulating moment with my newborn. I ended up isolating myself for a month. FIL now wants to visit for 1.5 months, but I pushed back for my mental health. MIL is still critical and insensitive, despite knowing I’m estranged from my own family. Now there’s a ceremony planned for baby’s first solids, and I’m thinking of canceling it. Would I be the AH?
Would I be the AH if I just told everyone not to come?
Comments
NTA, that is insane. You’d only given birth recently and they’re in your house making noise, not soothing your bab and getting on your ass when you tell them to cut that shit out in YOUR OWN HOME.
Why the hell is your MIL still there??? She needs to go the fuck home, too.
NTA
Tell your FIL that he’s welcome to come stay as long as he wants, but when he does, go get yourself (and baby) a nice hotel room somewhere. Tell your husband, the person who should be running interference with his family, that you’ll come home when they’ve all left. Enjoy some lovely room service meals and all the quiet time you need and deserve!
Nta.
When is your mother in law leaving? She’s overstayed her welcome and is now critiquing you versus helping and it will cause a lot of marriage problems. It is your child. You have the right to say yes or no.
Stop putting up with lousy behaviour. They care more about themselves than about helping. Learn to speak up! Your voice and opinion matters. You and your husband are the law when it comes to your kid and your home.
If it’s not working and adding stress, cancel it and ask when your mother in law is finally leaving. 😂
I don’t have much to add, but you’re 100% NTA. It sounds like you’re very overstimulated, which is to be expected.
I’d say cancel. If you’re comfortable with it, maybe your husband could watch your baby during the “ceremony,” and you could have a personal day? How are your finances? If they’re good, go to the spa. If they’re not good, find a relaxing cafe and pull out your favourite book. But you can also just cancel.
Sending lots of love. Don’t let your MIL gaslight you into thinking you’re overreacting, and if she does, you need to have a conversation with your husband about setting boundaries with her.
Who celebrates baby’s first solids? I mean, maybe the parents do by posting a video of it and just being proud, but like an actual formal celebration? No.
ETA: Soooo NTA
NTA. Your husband needs to stand up for you, and they all need to GO. You have not had the chance to begin to act as a family because his family is ALWAYS there.
You can’t pour from an empty cup and they have drained your last drop.
NTA. Your husband needs to tell his family to back off. Suggest that his mum goes home when the Dad does. Don’t worry about the “outburst”. Day 6 is when it’s common for you to get the baby blues. This ain’t anything to worry about, it’s not post natal depression, it’s when you get flooded with a lot of hormones & if you’re breastfeeding often when your milk really kicks in. The day it happened to me my mum rang the doorbell & as soon as I answered it I burst into tears. She instantly thought my husband had upset me, I turned round & he was behind me & he thought she’d upset me & I just stood in the middle sobbing saying “I’m fine, I don’t know why I’m crying, I’m happy”. I was ok after that day but honestly just cried every hour.
Is the ceremony for solids a cultural thing is just his family? Are you from the same culture. I know it’s important to incorporate both families traditions but if it’s not important to you could it be something that you do just your husband, you & the baby & they watch over FaceTime? Hang in there, you’re doing a wonderful job. I’d have told them all to fuck off long before now! Congratulations on the baby xxx
NTA – they need to leave and let you get on with bonding with your child. I would have pulled all of my hair out if my own mother had stayed that long let alone my MIL. Girl, set some boundaries – please. We are all rooting for you!
FYI – first solids are usually not until 6 months. If they insist on a celebration, I’d make and post a video the day before of the first actual feeding of solids.
You absolutely are NTA. I think your husband needs to step in and tell them all that it’s time to go home and to stay there. If you need them, you’ll let them know. These people are crushing you and your spirit with criticism and neediness. Your focus needs to be on your journey as a mother, not on them and what they need. I hope things get better.
Nta and your husband needs to step up. Everyone needs to gtf home and leave you two alone.
NTA. Your property is not a hotel and you and your babies life is not a spectacle for the extended family to be involved in. Time to stick your foot down. Family is not a legitimate excuse to interfere with your privacy or your home.
They all need to go home or rent their own place. This is insanity
OMG!!!
Tell them NO!!!
Cancel everything
Go no contact
Anything you want or need….
You are NTA
NTA
These people need to go home! You don’t need MIL telling you what to do and how to do it. Your husband needs to man the fuck up and put a stop to this RIGHT NOW. If he can’t manage to do that, maybe go stay with YOUR parents for a week. You need a break!!! Not more people in your space telling you what you need to do with your child.
Do not allow these people near your baby, whether it is for a changing, a solid food ceremony (WTF???), or just to tickle his tummy. YOUR HUSBAND needs to tell HIS family to stay away, leave you alone, stop filming the child, stay in a hotel if they must visit, and obey every rule / boundary that you lay down. OR ELSE……and trust me, they won’t dare to ask “or else what?”
If he won’t do that, you lock yourself in the bedroom with your baby, allow only your husband to bring you food or other necessities, and put all those ignorant people on ignore.
A ceremony? Some children are fully ready and show interest and want a taste of solids at 4 months, 6 months, 8 months. You could be sitting eating eggs at breakfast and baby starts clearly showing signs of readiness (and can sit upright and lean forward) so you let baby have a simple taste of boiled egg mixed with breastmilk/formula on a spoon that same morning.
Most children gag the second they taste something new, it is not a pretty situation. I can just imagine what your MIL would say if your baby reacts that way and simply refuses to consume anything at all and ends up gagging away. A ceremony sounds ludicrous, that’s too much pressure.
NTA.
MIL needs to go. Yesterday. You need time to bond as a family unit, and this is time you can’t get back.
Is this a cultural thing? Why is she staying with you in the first place??
NTA. Standard question: where is your husband in all of this? I understand his obligations to his family, but he also has the obligation to make sure his wife and child are doing OK while dealing with all the fun of post partum.
You need to have some compromises, and your hubs needs to be the one negotiating the.
I’m sorry if this sounds rude but is that a cultural thing first solids ceremony
If they’re not helping you they’re hurting you. NTA.
Why the fuck has your husband not stepped up and told his family to fuck off and let you BREATHE!? This is ridiculous!! You literally just gave birth and she wants to be critical? Nah. You have to speak up for the sake of your baby and you because you are both overstimulated. It doesn’t matter if you feel like an asshole, aren’t an asshole or are an asshole, who gives a shit. This is your life and your baby’s life. They don’t make decisions for you and if they don’t like it then they can kiss your ass and not come see the baby ever again if you didn’t want them to. You husband needs to grow up, tell them that it’s not happening and you need to do what is best for YOU and the baby! I’m sorry if this sounds harsh but it’s out of care. Your husbands family are freaking crazy
A ceremony for first solids? Surely they’re pranking you.
NTA
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Celebrating a baby’s first solids? This really is a fucked up world.
Cancel the ridiculous ceremony, tell everybody to go home, and get some rest and time with your baby. Honestly, reading this makes me so mad. You are being gaslit when you are already vulnerable, and everyone needs to fuck right off.
Girl KICK THEM OUT. They’re harming your mental health. That’s your house, your baby, your life. You set the rules. If they can’t respect you they can’t come. Period.
What’s with a celebration for first solids? Enough already. Send everyone home to stay. No visits for at least 3 months and then only for an afternoon.This utter nonsense.
NTA You have a husband problem. He grew up with them so he thinks that their behavior is normal but it isn’t. He needs to stand up for you and make her leave and tell his father to stay away as long as he is going to be difficult. You need support and they aren’t giving it to you. Please show your husband all.of these com.ents so he can u deratand that his parents are not being kind or good or fair and he needs to start protecting you
NTA but you have a husband problem, not an in law problem.
Why is he not talking to them and setting boundaries? Why is he not supporting you?
Absolutely not the AH. It sounds like this is probably a cultural thing but if your MIL being there is not actually helpful to you and causing you more stress then she needs to go TF home!
Your baby, your house, your rules!
Tell everyone to leave and they aren’t helping. Your husband should be more involved.
You’re NTA. Also, I’ve never heard of having a ceremony to celebrate a baby starting to eat solid food. That seems excessive to me. But then, I also think most people go over the top on a baby’s first birthday party since the baby won’t remember or enjoy most of it.
NTA. Cancel the party and make MIL leave NOW. What a circus. Good luck.
Jeebus. I’m not involved and I’m exhausted for you.
Trying to get a baby used to solids with all that chaos around could cause future eating problems for your little on e. This is a totally new experience for him and should not be associated with chaos but with calm and security.
NTA I am in awe. I would not have been able to keep my cool in this situation. You just had a baby and should only be surrounded by supportive loving people. Not critical sensitive people that need to be catered to.
This is just madness. I’m so sorry you have to navigate this, and since I’m estranged from most of my family, I know that’s hard enough on its own. You are definitely NTA. Your husband needs to deal with reigning in his family for the sake of the one he’s made with you.
You could tell your husband that they can have the celebration but him and his family will do all of it. You take yourself on a small break. Also tell him, if the baby is dead when you return, he’s a very bad dad. Also give baby some solid like a ripe banana slice before this so you’ve done it before the family.
NTA
NTA and although it going to sound like I misunderstand your / their culture, its time for MIL to GO HOME! WTF staying for a week can be overwhelming but she’s stayed for how long! Leave already
With the title, I thought you wanted to cancel a big family function to stay home and watch your baby eat solids for the 1st time. I definitely didn’t expect the craziness that followed. You poor thing, get this mother in law out of your house. Tell your husband you both need time to bond with your baby. My mom only stayed with me for the 1st month of the baby and it was actually helpful but after that I am glad she left us to bond and figure out parenthood. She needs to go.
NTA have you talk to your husband about how you are feeling? Honestly I think it s time for mil to pack her bags and go back home.
NTA. Kick everyone out of your house. My God.
If you are coming up on baby’s first solids … baby is about 5 months old? Has your MIL been there all this time tsk-tsking? If so, we need to call the Nobel Peace Prize Committee, because surely you should be nominated. Tell your husband his mother needs to go the fuck home. And maybe … they can come back to celebrate the baby’s first birthday. I can’t even imagine being estranged from one family and having another repeatedly shove themselves down my throat. And cameras randomly shoved in your and baby’s faces? GTFOOH!
You will NOT be TAH if you take steps to preserve your sanity. Shame on them. And shame on your husband for allowing it.
NTA make your MIL leave so you and your husband can enjoy being a family of three and get into your own routine. Also babies shouldn’t have any solids until they are at least 6 months.
NTA, but for heavens sake why have you tolerated all this? Why have you not asked anyone if your feelings matter? If you comfort matters? Why is your husband allowing this? Does he even care about anything besides what you can squeeze out for his family?
NTA … what holy hell have you landed in? This sounds like a nightmare of epic proportions. I would demand that my husband grow a spine and tell his family they are only welcome to visit when they are invited. Really, this family situation would be more than I could handle. I’m so very sorry that such a happy time in your life is being ruined by these thoughtless people.
NTA. Like others have pointed out: your MIL has overstayed and your husband should tell her to go home. Not exactly sure what this eating solids ceremony is, but maybe make that the final act before she heads out the door. At this point she’s more stress and work than help. Your little family of 3 needs alone bonding time.
Tell them – you are here for me and I am here for the baby. If you can’t handle that then GTFO. They will walk all over you forever. Get husband on board and have him rein them in. That is HIS job. NTA
Wow, your husband is a pussy little momma’s boy, isn’t he?
NTA. You shouldn’t be fighting this battle…your husband needs to step up and say ENOUGH!! I realize that there may be cultural differences but I couldn’t handle relatives underfoot for endless amounts of time. Home wouldn’t feel like much of a refuge!! If you can afford it maybe book a hotel stay for you and the baby, explaining that you just need a break!
Wait, a ceremony for the baby’s first solid food? Is this a cultural thing because I’ve never heard of this. Also, your in-laws sound exhausting.
” When is she going home? “
I would honestly tell my husband that my experience as a first time mother has been ruined by this whole fiasco. That you hold resentment and you will feed your child his first solids when the paediatrician gives the thumbs up.
Ask him why he feels it’s imperative they fully intrude on your privacy and space as a parent.
Get these people out of your home. Seemingly you’ve had no privacy from birth onward. Tell your husband to tell them to vamoose. Ceremony for eating first solids sounds especially stupid.
WTF is your husband doing while all this is going on?
WT actual F? A ceremony for solid food? Jesus, your child is not a performing animal and neither are you. You deserve privacy and peace without badgering and bullying. And you deserve milestones to be yours and your child’s, not a bloody three-ring circus. Their intrusiveness and emtitlement is disgusting.
This is all just way TF too much. Tear it all down. Cancel everything and if anybody doesn’t like it, cut them all the way off. Your husband can goddam well step up and start protecting you like he should have been doing all along.
NTA