I (16F) was on the phone with my boyfriend (18M) talking about his upcoming high school graduation. During the conversation, he mentioned how he never really gets gifts and said he’d like one this year—but added “no pressure.”
I took it to heart, because if it were me, I’d want to feel special. So I decided to go all out: I asked my dad to drive me around to get gifts, and I’m even making him take time off work tomorrow so I can attend the ceremony. I wanted to make a huge poster board with photos of us and him—kind of a “pop-out” surprise—and be that super supportive girlfriend in the crowd screaming my lungs out for him.
To be honest, part of me also saw this as a way to strengthen our relationship. We recently broke up and are trying to work things out, so I thought doing something thoughtful might help us reconnect.
But today, out of nowhere, he told me he doesn’t even want to go to graduation anymore. He just wants to work instead. I’m honestly really upset and kind of blindsided.
So… AITA for being mad about it?
EDIT***
So I just found out that the person I’ve been planning to celebrate didn’t actually graduate — they already got their GED and finished school a year early… and never told me.
I took time off work, bought gifts, made a whole poster, and went all out thinking I was supporting them on their big day. I did it because I care — a lot. And now I’m sitting here feeling kind of dumb and hurt because they only told me last second that they already graduated.
They said they didn’t tell me earlier because they were afraid I’d look at them differently. I get that, and I appreciate them saying sorry. But I just wish they had trusted me enough to be honest from the start. I wouldn’t have loved them any less.
I’m still proud of them for finishing early — that’s a huge deal. But it stings that I put in all this effort thinking we were celebrating something that already happened a while ago.
I love them. I really do. But I’m still trying to process how I feel.
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: I (16F) was on the phone with my boyfriend (18M) talking about his upcoming high school graduation. During the conversation, he mentioned how he never really gets gifts and said he’d like one this year—but added “no pressure.”
I took it to heart, because if it were me, I’d want to feel special. So I decided to go all out: I asked my dad to drive me around to get gifts, and I’m even making him take time off work tomorrow so I can attend the ceremony. I wanted to make a huge poster board with photos of us and him—kind of a “pop-out” surprise—and be that super supportive girlfriend in the crowd screaming my lungs out for him.
To be honest, part of me also saw this as a way to strengthen our relationship. We recently broke up and are trying to work things out, so I thought doing something thoughtful might help us reconnect.
But today, out of nowhere, he told me he doesn’t even want to go to graduation anymore. He just wants to work instead. I’m honestly really upset and kind of blindsided.
So… AITA for being mad about it?
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I understand that you would feel upset because you went through all this work trying to make him feel special, but remember that he doesn’t know that. He probably just doesn’t want to be disappointed again and is not going as a defense mechanism. Rather than being upset at him off the bat, maybe have a convo w him and try to understand why he doesn’t wanna go anymore and if it’s bc he doesn’t wanna be disappointed, maybe hint that his super supportive gf will be there cheering him on. If it’s for a stupid reason I’d be a little pissed lmao
A guy recently did this to me but with his birthday. Turns out when he blew off our birthday plans, he called his ex gf twice that day.
Why are you dating an adult man
Key words: “if it were me.”
NTA
Hey OP…he didn’t say it out of nowhere.
He said it to deflect because he felt guilty.
He lied to you….for a year. He even tried to fish for gifts.
The guy is a dud and it breaks my heart to read this because it really seems like you’re going to give him more chances.
Don’t keep this to yourself. Tell your friends and family what he did.
Don’t let him lead you on how to should gauge this situation.
Edited for verdict
Before your update, I’d have guessed he was embarassed (at 18) to be dating a kid (16) and didn’t want it to be that obvious at his Grad ceremony. Your update is worse. That’s a pretty huge lie-by-omission. What else has he kept from you because he was scared/upset/embarassed? Trust is a huge factor in a relationship, especially when you mention you’ve already ‘broken up’ and are working on your relationship.
It may be time to step back and take a breath. He’s an adult and may be having feelings about his future (college, a career, where is he going to live…) while dating a kid in high school. It feels more like he’s emotionally separating while trying to figure out his path.
So how long has he been lying to you. And then had the audacity to ask you to buy him a gift. OMG
He spent the last year lying to you.