I (30F) recently lost my father, who left me a substantial inheritance consisting of his house, savings, and investments. My father and I were very close, and he always expressed his desire that I use this inheritance wisely for my future. He made it clear he did not want to divide his assets, believing I was in the best position to manage them.
My brother (32M) and I have always had a rocky relationship. He struggles financially, often getting into debt and relying on others for help. Upon hearing about my inheritance, he pressured me to share it. He claimed it was unfair for me to keep everything, saying siblings should support each other.
I offered to help him by covering his rent for a few months, but he insists I should give him a significant portion of my inheritance. After I refused, he exploded, calling me selfish and claiming I was abandoning family. Now, there’s tension with our mother, who thinks I should be more compassionate. AITA for not wanting to share my inheritance?
Comments
Do not give him a dime. If you give him even a penny he’ll keep coming back for more. Kinda like a blackmailer.
NTA you’re just following your father last will. Your bro may be angry with his father but not with you. Kept it get happy with it and let him get on his feet on his own.
Honestly it was a dick move of your dad to leave one kid everything and one kid nothing and then make the kid he left everything to break the news to the other kid. So messy.
NTA. Your father wanted you to have it – honor his wishes.
Hold on. Your father’s estate bypassed your mother? Yeah, right. Clickbait.
I think your dad is possibly the ahole for putting you in this position. He could have explained it to your brother, maybe he did, that’s the only “out”. If he explained to your brother then it’s your brother who is the ahole imo.
Really sucks for your brother though. Maybe he struggles because his dad is an asshole.
Edit to add: who knew two * in a row makes your text bold? I didn’t until today lol
Absolutely not the asshole. There is a reason your father didn’t want to share the money and give it to you only. Ultimately you had a closer relationship, so respect him and his wishes. I would suggest that your Dad has bailed him out many times and decided that your brother had his inheritance while he was alive.
He deserves nothing. If your father wanted him to have some of it, he would have given it to him. I’m curious why he didn’t leave it to your mom. Were they divorced?
I think you made a nice offer to cover his rent for a few months, or maybe just give him some cash for him to spend as he needs. Personally, I’d tell him to scratch dirt. And tell your mom if she wants him to have money, give him hers. NTA
nope, dont give in. this kind of people will bite if you give them a little. sincere people has a certain way of doing things and you would know. hes far from it. A mother is a mother so shes just bias. if there’s a time that your brother will change, youll know it then its the time to help.
Another fake story, didn’t you already delete one before?
NTA. Your brother is emotionally manipulating you. When my father passes, I will be in the same boat that you are in now. In charge of everything because he trusts me and we have always been close. My brother is selfish, lazy, manipulative, and out right a con man. NTA
There are many holes here, that makes it confusing for me. Wasn’t your father your brother’s father too? Or is he your half-brother? Are your parents divorced? What’s the story there?
Generally, it would be NTA about not wanting to share, when it is legally yours. No one is entitled to what’s yours. But it’s a bit unclear, why your brother did not get anything from the inheritance.
NAH. Your dad sounds like a prick, leaving everything to one kid and leaving the one struggling high and dry. So messy.
>My brother (32M) and I
What about the sister you had in your post an hour ago?
Am I missing something fundamental?
Your Dad died. Absent a will, everything he owned goes to his wife (presumably your mother).
Why would your mother be claiming that you should be sharing your inheritance with your brother? Your father’s wishes should be in his will. If he died intestate (in other words without a will), his estate goes to his wife/your Mom.
So why is this an issue? Tell your Mom to share her inheritance with her son/your brother.
NTA. Your brother is not entitled to a penny of that money, as it was your father’s to distribute however he wished. Your brother has financial-mismanagement issues that no amount of money will fix, and giving him more money would just let him dig himself into a deeper financial hole.
Your father left it to you. It is yours.
nope nope nope 🙂↔️ don’t you do it!! He will just come back for more. Besides, it was left to YOU only.
Hold up- you said your father felt you were the best one to manage it, so that tells me you are literally supposed to manage it. Did he say not to share with your brother or to manage his estate? You’re only offering to pay his rent for a few months?
YTA- yes, manage it, but that does not mean do a little bit for your brother and keep the rest for yourself. It means share but manage it and make it last. That does not mean throw a big chunk at him or just pay his rent for a few months. Your brother really should have hired a lawyer and fought for half since you’re being selfish.
It would be different if your dad said he only wanted you to have it to do as you pleased. I’m pretty sure your dad meant for you to manage it for both of you. I can’t imagine how hurt your brother is right now.
Tough shit! You honour your fathers wishes. There’s nothing your brother or your mother can do about it. Do not share it because he will blow it, and it’s not what your father wanted.
NTA for not sharing what your father left you. Your father could have told everyone about his wishes before he passed. Unless he did, and your brother didn’t listen.
DO NOT GIVE HIM ANYTHING!!!!
Wait, he left everything to you and your mom is still alive? I hope they were divorced!
If your father left clear directions for what he wanted you to do with the inheritance, follow them. Your brother will never learn if you bail him out.
That being said, your brother will probably resent you for not sharing the inheritance. Consider setting aside some of the inheritance for his children in legal trusts.
NTA. If it were me, and it were more money than I needed, I’d sit with my brother and a financial advisor and try to help him get his ship righted. That’d be the only way he’d get anything, with how irresponsible your brother is, and it would be in writing that he had to follow the plan or forfeit any other assistance from me.
Don’t give him 💩.
I once paid off my sister’s mortgage but our relationship is such that this was a non event.
In your shoes I’d not give them a penny initially. When the dust settles, if you see fit, then offer to help on your terms only so you can pick and choose what help looks like.
Giving your brother money sounds like money down the drain.
The money is yours, period. But easy come, easy go, use it wisely, life is a long path
He’s already bad with money why would you give him more
If you want to help your brother set a set amount to pay some or all of his bills and write checks directly to those companies. This will give him a fresh start, alleviate your stress and make mom happy. It will not make your brother happy most likely but at least you will feel no guilt. Now on the other hand, you don’t owe him anything and you could keep your inheritance.
NTA
Your father “made it clear he did not want to divide his assets, believing I was in the best position to manage them” So your father decided to not inherit anything to your brother
Your brother said “siblings should support each other” and that’s why you offered to cover his rent for a few months. That’s called SUPPORT, it’s not your duty. But he’s greedy and wants what is rightful yours and no wonder he’s calling you “selfish”. You are not at all, you offered your help, he didn’t want the help you offered. Neither you are “abandoning family”: you offer your help, he wants a lot more
Of course your mother said that you “should be more compassionate”: she doesn’t want to see any of her children’s struggle. But you are compassionate enough to offer to cover his rent. So the true point is compassion vs greed
If I was in your shoes, I wouldn’t let greed win. Those assets are yours, he’s not entitled to it, precisely because the money comes from your father and he didn’t want his other son to have it
Although I can’t keep but to wonder: if things where reversed and he got the inheritance, will he give you the same amount he wants from you? I bet he wont arguing he needs it because he has debts; and that your father didn’t left to you a dime for a reason, so he’s only respecting his father wishes
Your inheritance is none of your brother’s or mother’s business. Tell them to FO and be happy.
Well, your dad is. Here he is, favoring you over your brother and dividing you two, and he isn’t even alive to do it!
Just keep in mind that you and your brother are pawns of your father’s immature manipulative behavior both, so neither of you are the asshole per se, but both of you were put into this position by the asshole, may he rest in peace, so that neither of you could find a way to live together without feeling like one of you gets screwed either way. That is why he is acting entitled and you are acting like its somehow normal for you to receive an apparently life-changing sum from your dad, while he gets nothing, unless you decide to do what your dad wouldn’t but should have done in the first place. I feel bad for you guys. Your dad shouldn’t have cut him off, and he shouldn’t have so blatantly favored you to the point where you now feel entitled to 100% (?) of the inheritance even though in no culture or tradition is that acceptable behavior.
Giving your brother any money is like throwing it into a fire. It won’t do any good for your brother. He’ll spend it wastefully, then ask you for more.
NTA
So be selfish. It’s UR inheritance. From ur dad with whom u were close. If he wanted that brother 2 have something, he’d have it. He could take what u offered or choke. The worst ppl always think they deserve the world. Don’t fall 4 it. NTA
NTA! Could you share more about your father and brother relationship?