Hello, THT family. Long time listener first time posting on this sub . Sorry in advance if this is long. And if there is grammar errors.
So me 26 female and my ex 27 male broke up after 8 years together I know long time. So back story, last year in December he went to Colombia for his brother 40th birthday. After his trip he posted on facebook the pictures of his trips. Cool I didn’t think much of it, until I notice a girl hearted only the picture he was in by himself. I asked him about it and told me he didn’t know who the girl was. I didn’t push further because I didn’t see a need too.
Come around April he brings up about going on a solo trip to Brazil for 2 week. I asked him if I could go since he knew Brazil was somewhere I’ve always wanted to go. He said no he wants to go solo to become more confident and grow as a person. As well learn about the culture and explore. Since he was the youngest and is in the military he has always had people telling him what to do. I was like okay I trust him, he reassured me everything was going to be okay between us that he loved me and was coming back to me.
Once on his trip he would decline my calls and only want to text me. I thought this was weird. Didn’t push it and just waited. The day after he was back and he was showing me pictures of the trip.
That is when I see it him and a girl on his pictures gallery. I began to question him whose this girl is. First he lies and says he ment this girl in Brazil. Then when I tell him to delete the girls number. That’s when I see the name. The same name of the girl that liked his Facebook picture. He explains when he was in Columbia that girl came up to him and they exchange numbers and said he was single. He says he snuck her in to his air bnb he was sharing with his brothers and they had sex. That then a month before his trip the girl reached out to him and invited her to Brazil. I couldn’t believe it, for the past 8 months he looks me in the eyes and lied to me. Besides that had relationships with this other girl, texted her while I slept next to him.
We tried to work it out for a week after. Because I truly loved him. 8 years of my life with him since I was 18. We had a future plan out. One day he told me we should break up because there wasn’t trust in the relationship anymore. So I said okay, grab his phone and walk out to the living room to show his parents. We were living in his parent’s house. I told his parents everything because they deserved to know that type of person he was. Most importantly because they didn’t raise him to be that way. His mom went to the room to yell at him and his dad stayed to calm me down since I was crying. I even showed his parents the messages and photos they exchange. After his dad calmed me down for a bit.
I went to the room and seen him crying in his bed while his mom was screaming at him. His mom walked out, once she saw me and told him he needs to apologize to me and sort his out. As I was packing my things to leave. He began to yell at me about I had no right to tell his parents that and it should have been him to tell them and decide if he would tell his parents the whole story . I look him dead in the eyes and said, I do have every right to tell them. Because I know you won’t have told them. To keep your image clean. One thing to notice was my ex was always seem at the sweet guy that’s loved and care for me. That exactly what I told him too, that he wouldn’t have told anyone because what he did because he’s selfish and narcissistic.
His parents cried once I said my goodbyes, it hurt seeing his dad cry because that man was always so serious person. It hurt knowing I lost my other family. My ex walked me to my car and told me he forgive me for telling his parents. Then asked if we could drive to get ice cream to talk to have closure. I told him what the fuck is wrong with you. Got in my car and left drove around for a bit before having to call my parents if I can move in with them again. So THT family was I the asshole telling my ex’s parents the reason we broke up?
Edit to post:
Something’s to clarify. He went to Columbia from 12/19-12/31 of 2024. That’s is where he met the
girl.
He went to Brazil this year 2025 from July 31- to August 13. On August 14 I found out everything that it was the same girl and he cheats with me during Columbia and obviously in Brazil.
August 21 first is when he told me he didn’t see this working out. I told him okay that’s the day I told his parents the whole story why I was leaving and what he did in Brazil but that it started since he was in Columbia.
Also the girl had to know he wasn’t single I was all over his Facebook picture. As well other social media accounts.
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: Hello, THT family. Long time listener first time posting on this sub . Sorry in advance if this is long. And if there is grammar errors.
So me 26 female and my ex 27 male broke up after 8 years together I know long time. So back story, last year in December he went to Colombia for his brother 40th birthday. After his trip he posted on facebook the pictures of his trips. Cool I didn’t think much of it, until I notice a girl hearted only the picture he was in by himself. I asked him about it and told me he didn’t know who the girl was. I didn’t push further because I didn’t see a need too.
Come around April he brings up about going on a solo trip to Brazil for 2 week. I asked him if I could go since he knew Brazil was somewhere I’ve always wanted to go. He said no he wants to go solo to become more confident and grow as a person. As well learn about the culture and explore. Since he was the youngest and is in the military he has always had people telling him what to do. I was like okay I trust him, he reassured me everything was going to be okay between us that he loved me and was coming back to me.
Once on his trip he would decline my calls and only want to text me. I thought this was weird. Didn’t push it and just waited. The day after he was back and he was showing me pictures of the trip.
That is when I see it him and a girl on his pictures gallery. I began to question him whose this girl is. First he lies and says he ment this girl in Brazil. Then when I tell him to delete the girls number. That’s when I see the name. The same name of the girl that liked his Facebook picture. He explains when he was in Columbia that girl came up to him and they exchange numbers and said he was single. He says he snuck her in to his air bnb he was sharing with his brothers and they had sex. That then a month before his trip the girl reached out to him and invited her to Brazil. I couldn’t believe it, for the past 8 months he looks me in the eyes and lied to me. Besides that had relationships with this other girl, texted her while I slept next to him.
We tried to work it out for a week after. Because I truly loved him. 8 years of my life with him since I was 18. We had a future plan out. One day he told me we should break up because there wasn’t trust in the relationship anymore. So I said okay, grab his phone and walk out to the living room to show his parents. We were living in his parent’s house. I told his parents everything because they deserved to know that type of person he was. Most importantly because they didn’t raise him to be that way. His mom went to the room to yell at him and his dad stayed to calm me down since I was crying. I even showed his parents the messages and photos they exchange. After his dad calmed me down for a bit.
I went to the room and seen him crying in his bed while his mom was screaming at him. His mom walked out, once she saw me and told him he needs to apologize to me and sort his out. As I was packing my things to leave. He began to yell at me about I had no right to tell his parents that and it should have been him to tell them and decide if he would tell his parents the whole story . I look him dead in the eyes and said, I do have every right to tell them. Because I know you won’t have told them. To keep your image clean. One thing to notice was my ex was always seem at the sweet guy that’s loved and care for me. That exactly what I told him too, that he wouldn’t have told anyone because what he did because he’s selfish and narcissistic.
His parents cried once I said my goodbyes, it hurt seeing his dad cry because that man was always so serious person. It hurt knowing I lost my other family. My ex walked me to my car and told me he forgive me for telling his parents. Then asked if we could drive to get ice cream to talk to have closure. I told him what the fuck is wrong with you. Got in my car and left drove around for a bit before having to call my parents if I can move in with them again. So THT family was I the asshole telling my ex’s parents the reason we broke up?
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Nta. Best to get your side of the story out there before he can twist it to fit his narrative
If the truth makes one look bad, it isn’t the truth’s fault, or the messenger.
He is an idiot and he will regret losing you! Do not take him back!
He is just ashamed for what he did. He is now living with the hurt he caused you and your in-laws. Seemed like his family loved you as their own. They would have found out the truth one way or another. Hell, you lived with them. Wouldn’t they have asked once they noticed you and all your items missing? Nta.
NTA – you’re probably right that he wouldn’t have told them the truth, either to make himself look better or just to avoid the drama. You have every right to tell anyone the truth about the breakup, and he needs to learn quickly that people will be angry/upset with him. Cheaters (most of the time) can’t handle the criticism, and can’t stand people knowing they aren’t so perfect.
I will say though, if you want to maintain a relationship with his parents, you can do so. You’re not obligated to cut them off just because of this break up. 8 years with someone is going to leave you with basically another set of parents, and if they are happy to continue their relationship with you, then it might be nice to not lose everyone from that 8 years of your life.
I’m so sorry but you handled it as well as you could. The sheer fucking audacity of him “forgiving” you for telling his parents the real story?!! Wtaf?! You’re well shot of that. It’s lovely how his parents were with you. I know you’ve lost the future you envisioned but your actual future would’ve been him doing this to you regularly. You have better things ahead.
NTA, you had a relationship with them too. If he’s embarrassed, it’s by his own behaviour- not anything you did.
NTA good for you. Better the truth than whatever version he would spin.
NTA and make sure you get tested for STDs
It’s not your place to tell his parents. My ex wife cheated with our wedding photographer. I don’t know if telling them would cause a rift in their relationships, considering its a pretty shitty thing to do, so I didn’t.
The only reason I could figure that anybody would, would be for revenge, to hurt the other person the way they hurt you, etc. Theres no reason to tell them that would benefit anyone. Sorry to say, but your pain over a break up doesn’t give you a pass to create issues in someone’s family. It’s petty behavior at the least. Vindictive, with intent.
NTA
IF you hadn’t shown them the evidence, he’d have spun the tale that YOU were cheating on him.
Liars and cheats usually do.
NTA… or at least if you are, then I am too! Didn’t do it to someone who cheated on me, but someone who cheated on my 14 year old daughter. My daughter does competitive gymnastics and began “dating” a boy at her gym. He was a year older. They started dating at 12 & 13. It was cute; went to the mall, each other’s houses to hang out. Turns out, since my daughter only trains 3 days a week, and he’s there 5 days a week, he had started “talking to” my daughter’s bully (of all people)! A coach, who is a friend, came to me and told me. Apparently it was kissing, hand holding and note passing. I told my daughter that night. The next morning, I called the boy’s mother to let her know. He got in so much trouble. This was 2 months ago and he’s still in trouble for it from his parents.
NTA …. They needed to hear the church sooner or later and the truth is that he was a domestic abusive husband
He asked for ice cream to talk about closure after that? That’s like a movie villain asking the hero to coffee after destroying the city. His reality is completely warped. You gave him all the closure he deserved when you drove away. His parents’ reaction proves this is a
him problem. Now your only job is to be kind to yourself while you heal.
NTA of course. You told his family, not for him, but for yourself. You owe an explanation to his parents, who had treated you well. This truth is yours to tell. It has nothing to do with him.
You have done well, trash are best taken out asap so they wont rot and stink up the whole house. (y) now you can find the next best guy. be happy!
NTA
Cheaters don’t deserve secrecy.
He would have lied to everyone. If he didn’t want to look bad then he shouldn’t have done the thing that would make him look bad.
You did nothing wrong. You had every right to tell, because it is your life too. He cheated on YOU. So it is very much your story to tell.
Updateme
nta You’re allowed to tell what happened to you. he just wanted to control the narrative
Eight months, he went to Brazil, yeah this relationship is over.
They were gonna find out anyway.
NTA, most likely he would have made you out to be the bad guy and cheater. Now his parents know the real reason and not some fabricated story he told them. GFY!
I swear this is a repost
Good for you! You controlled the narrative. He would’ve lied to his parents and made you the bad guy. After eight years?
You even have to ask? You are the retribution queen! Even airing dirty laundry on reddit! Solid NTA
NTA: I’m very proud of you!
If you haven’t already, get tested for sexually transmitted diseases.
Now you need to let everyone else know the truth of what happened before he spreads his version. He will blame everything on you and lie about it.
Updateme
Nope, I’d have texted her too and left him nowhere to hide
The 27 year old boyfriend and you lived with his parents. Rent free? What is his rank in the military? Because if he’s not an officer, he gets paid crap and would be hard pressed to afford 2 weeks in Brazil, unless you don’tpay rent. He can’t be getting a higher living allowance since you aren’t married, and I’m assuming you are stateside, so he’s not collecting hazardous duty pay. Why were you and this doofus, both grown people, living with his parents?
NTA, and his parents did deserve to know how the man they raised treated his partner of 8 years. He got caught out, had a tantrum, and now has to live with his questionable choices. If you had not showed proof of his infidelity, I have no doubt he would have lied to his parents, painting you as the villain. Good for you for leaving him and getting on with your life.
NTA
I wish when I found out about my ex-husband I had done the same.
Foolishly I let him tell his parents, needless to say I wasn’t with him so no idea what he told them.
From that day forward they had absolutely no contact with me or their grandson. I’d done nothing wrong. Had been prepared to still have them and the extended family in our lives so our son wouldn’t miss out on a big family.
It’s one regret I had as I did have the opportunity but gave him respect that they were his parents. He didn’t deserve respect the way I was treated by him.
You most certainly did the right thing. Proud of you
OP, he didn’t get mad when you confronted him…He got mad when he was facing consequences. HUGE red flag. And you’re absolutely NOT the asshole, his parents deserve to know how he’s been acting especially under their roof.
You only exposed the truth, and I doubt he would have ever done that. Good on you for spotting a narcissist for who he is as they can be VERY good at turning things around and gas lighting in order to get their way. NTA
If you don’t want me to tell people you’re an asshole, don’t be one.
You’re NTA
You did the right thing. Don’t look back. Block him everywhere.
Give it a week or so, then call his mom and tell her that you’re sorry that you hurt her and her husband, but they needed to know the truth
I wouldn’t be worried about how he was embarrassed his parents found out he’s a piece of shit. He clearly didn’t care about your feelings when he chose to cheat, therefore his feelings mean nothing anymore. He deserves to feel bad and to be a disappointment to his parents.
NTA. If my husband did that, I would absolutely tell his parents. I’m sorry this happened to you, but I love that you got support from his parents.
Don’t do deplorable things if you don’t want deplorable things attached to your name and reputation.
Telling the truth is never the wrong things to do, OP.
Do NOT go back to this liar once the sting wears off. Anyone who does something like this will always be a terrible partner.
NTA. He created this mess all on his own.
NTA. After 8 years of being lied to and cheated on, his parents deserved the truth, especially since you were still living under their roof. You didn’t gossip; you exposed his manipulations, and they needed to know what kind of person he really is.
This is sad. You ex threw away a good relationship.
They needed to know why their daughter on law left and he clearly isn’t honest. Think of how horrible he would have been to you if his parents didn’t know the truth. He would have tried to make it your fault and his mom would have been screaming at you …
Hell no you are not the asshole. You are 10000% in the right to tell them because it’s true that he would have just protected his image.
NTA. He was going to lie and say you cheated. That’s what cheaters do. Or, he would have spun some story about not meaning to, which is also bullshit. He didn’t want the truth out there. Too bad. He fucked up. That is all on him!
I hope you told him to go f*** himself after he told you that he “forgave” you for telling his parents….
You are involved in the story and are allowed to tell your side of the story, he is just mad it made him look bad. NTAH
definitely NTA, who tf is he to demand anything or say you’re wrong after he betrayed you.
Good for you, you know he would have lied and made him self out to be the saint and you the villain. I feel sorry for his parents, sounds like they loved you
I’m glad you told his parents and they ripped him a new one. He would’ve made you out to be the cheater if you hadn’t sjown them the ecidence right away
Colombia. Colombia. ColOmbia!
NTA
If he got the chance he wud hav said u cheated and r TA
Little boy lives with mommy and daddy and cries when his mommy yells at him but he thinks he’s grown enough to attempt balancing two partners? I’m sorry it took as long as it did but you are dodging a bullet. You can already predict how this is going to turn out. The sideslut thinks he’s gonna bring her over, give her a house, buy her things etc and she’s gonna be in for a rude awakening when she finds out that she’s going to be living with his mom and dad. They will both be miserable and will fight all of the time until his parents kick them out. All while you are living your best life.