I am 37 and mother of two, I felt lost in identity and freedom ever since I had two kids. I’m expected to be the mother, the money maker and everything evolve around my child.
Last month my cat died due to sudden cause, and it was devastating to me. Immediately after getting the cat cremated, my mom, my husband and the rest of my family excluding my kids told me to never get a pet again. They gave me reasons such as I should focus on my kids (even though none of them took care of the cat, I fed it, I cleaned its litter box etc) It was my fur baby and companion, more than just a pet. After they strongly prohibit that I get another cat or dog, I felt trapped that I can’t do what makes me happy in my own house.
I don’t have any social life, my weekends are about my kids and planning activities for my kids. I go to work and was expected to come home immediately to take care of the kids.
I accept that I shouldn’t jump into get into another pet so soon. But I still miss my cat, so I spent some time in the shelter today just interacting with some of kitty after work. I was there for about 30 min, then got a text from my husband “ why don’t you just don’t come home” I felt that I’m only valuable to this family as a mother. And I can’t be anything else or do anything else other than a mother.
I felt nobody cared about my feelings, they expect me to wrap up my emotions quickly so that it doesn’t affect my role in this family. Nobody cared that I cared/loved the cat and I’m a mess. I felt even more restricted than when I was in high school. If I want to go places I need to tell my husband and he has a curfew for me. If I don’t come home as expected then it’s the same old “why don’t you just stay outside huh? You care for cat more than your own kids and you are a bad mother”
I’m lost and lonely and felt trapped. I don’t know if that’s normally parenthood or I’m truly a bad mom.
Comments
You are not an irresponsible mother. Your feelings are completely valid and good for you to realize.
I suggest you look at how much free time your husband has and decide how much free time you want as well.
I would suggest talking to your husband first, if he is not listening,than just tell him when he has to parents his own kids.
Also dont let anyone stop you from getting a new pet (unless your hubby or kids are allergic). You can discuss with your husband what his reasoning is and maybe see if you are willing to compromise on what kind of pet or breed of cat. But if a pet is necessary for your happiness go get it.
Also do prepare for the option you need to get divorced. You deserve happiness too.
I didn’t even have to read the first part of your post before I knew you had a controlling asshole of a husband. Read paragraphs 5 of your post. “If I want to go places I NEED TO TELL MY HUSBAND and HE HAS A CURFEW FOR ME.”
Are you his daughter?
You have two kids. You work. You contribute. What does your husband do but denigrate you for wanting a life outside of mom, housekeeper, contributor to the finances, and bang maid?
Do you want your kids to grow up thinking this is normal?
You can DM me with your general location (just your state) and I’ll give you some resources. You are not alone.
You don’t have a pet problem or a mothering problem…you have a husband problem. He is controlling you and then punishing you by making you feel horrible about yourself if you don’t toe the lines HE has drawn. Get rid of the husband and then get yourself a new kitty.
You are just fine.
Go to a shelter, find yourself a new pet, tell everyone else to suck it up. You need it for yourself.