my(22f) bf (21m) and i dated for a year from 2023 to 2024. then he traveled abroad for school in europe for four months and came back december 2024. we started talking again then, and started dating again around march this year. we have definitely been through a lot together and this time around we have become more comfortable and serious in our relationship. (also we’re obsessed and so in love with each other) part of the reason we broke up when he went to europe was because i wanted him to have the full experience and do whatever he wanted without the restraint of a relationship (we had other issues as well, but this was part of the reason).
anyways, he’s in NYC with his friends this week until next Sunday. he is going as a skate trip with his friends which is awesome! and he emphasized it’s a skate trip and not all about going out. but he said they’re going to an “indoor music festival” on their last day (sounds like a rave imo) and then kinda implied they might be going out other nights too. i’ve been working on being less controlling, less insecure, etc. i’m in therapy regularly and my bf and i have clear open communication. however, i’m not okay with him going to clubs or raves while he’s there. bars are fine and whatever else he wants to do, explore nyc, but imo, bars are vastly different than raves/clubs. i don’t want to be the annoying gf that holds him back from doing whatever his friends do, and i told him that, but he does sound disappointed because he loves to go out and go dancing. also, one of his friends really dislikes me and in his words, “does not respect me” which makes me feel … not great, especially if they’re going out. some of the guys on this trip are in relationships too which sort of helps.
i asked some people close to me who i know are in serious, healthy relationships what they would do (and i know every relationship is different!!) but they all said they wouldn’t be comfortable with that either. help. i don’t want a bad reputation with his friends, i don’t want to hold him back, but this is a solid boundary for me, and i definitely wouldn’t be doing that without him there with me. aio??
TLDR: my bf is in nyc and his friends want to go clubbing. i’m not okay with that. aio?