I’ve (48F) thought this since forever. I’ve only had a few relationships in my life and don’t have much experience. However, as I get older, I’ve shared this view with some friends and a couple of guys I’ve been out with. Most people think I’m out of my mind. But someone actually said something that made sense. He said that intercourse is an innate instinct for reproducing. Oral sex, however, is something we came up with for the pure pleasure of it. So feeling that oral is way more personal than intercourse isn’t as weird as most people would think. Any opinions?
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nope. I feel like that too and my friends as well
And kissing is more intimate than the other two!
I agree.
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I think it become oral is about one person over the over it like I love you do much il do this thing that only you get to enjoy cos that makes me happy that your happy
I was in an open relationship years ago and we agreed that oral was more intimate and reserved for just us. We could hook up with other people, but no oral. Unless we were together in a group setting. Then we could give or receive oral from someone else because we were sharing in the moment
I’m inclined to agree…It’s definitely more ‘in your face’ as it were.
Na I can see it
The most intimate thing you can do is hold hands and look at your partner.
The others are things to perform. Sitting, holding hands and just looking at each other is so intimate.
You perform when having sex or giving a BJ.
I dunno, nothing is more intimate than washing your partners hair
Oddly I’ve got way less hangup sending my dick in to strange new genitals vs sending my mouth into unexplored territory. Your theory makes sense to me.
I think it’s the cleaner than kissing
I was in a FWB situation once and she believed ora was more intimate than sex. She has no problem with random hookups/one night stands but oral was reserved for relationships.
I dont think its weird, but rather confusing because in my experience at least, the women ive dated growing up would only be open to oral and outercourse. Though I wonder how much of this is because of their religion. Penetration has always had a sort of extra level of intimacy about it because to them it was something only or mostly for after marrige.
All part of the package. A long, slow, gentle session is great, with a 69 included.
No, I concur
A blowjob is a performance sport and intercourse is rythm based co-op.
I don’t agree. I don’t exactly know why.
I once had a girl tell me, she uses her face and mouth to express who she is, to be in contact with the world etc. So her giving oral felt more meaningful to her then vaginal intercourse.
And to be fair I could see myself putting things in my ass I would not put in my mouth (a rectal thermometer for example).
Technically you are not wrong. I mean, you are putting your face (mouth) in a very private area.
Yup. I’ve long thought that. Always made me wonder about those dweebs who think oral sex isn’t cheating. Ask around, you’ll find them.
Yes, I think it is, also. Anything involving your mouth seems more intimate, less so than anything ‘down there’.
Yes, I agree
Nope I agree with you it’s much more intimate and sexier especially when you see it that she is equally enjoying the pleasure
There is a College Humor video about this exact premise.
I’d say it’s more about the one-sided nature of typical oral. (excluding 69) Where one side does all the work and the other is just there to enjoy.
Not weird at all. Your reasoning makes sense.
If we consider a schematic idea of how sex takes place then intercourse leans towards both-at-once and oral leans toward one-giving-one-receiving, so I can also see how someone might see both-at-once to be more intimate.
But that schematic is overly simplified and people get down in all kinds of ways. The answer to which is more intimate isn’t innate it’s personal. Oral sex is more intimate for you, intercourse is more intimate for someone else, foreplay is the most intimate bit for that other person, cuddling afterwards before the wet patch gets cold is peak intimacy for that couple over there.
Intimacy doesn’t have rules it just has feelings
It can certainly be intimate. It’s hard to compare with missionary for intimacy though. I could see the argument for plenty of positions though.
It also can be not very intimate. It depends on the vibes and what you’re doing
100% agree
I totally agree 🤘
I know a few people who detest giving or receiving oral sex.
Most likely this stemmed from childhood abuse.
John Updike is on record agreeing with you.
Because it is
Interesting. Are there cultures where oral sex does not exist as a sexual behavior? Or did not exist until today where modern media is teaching everyone how to have sex? Which types of cultures did oral sex arise from: agrarian or nomadic?
It’s normal
No, you are not weird…..it is far more intimate and meaningful in a way that I feel not many truly understood.
But, each to their own….the easy access to media has not done ‘sex’ one iota of good
If you’re drowning in white water rapids, then I’d rather throw you a flotation device on a rope, than swim it out to you.
Oral is more vulnerable and intimate.
There’s a college humor sketch about this. Yea, oral is more intimate, for sure.
I have lived in both the midwest US and an North-European country. My collected (not necessarily experienced) data on this is that in US, young people offer oral sex before intercourse, deeming it as a less important sexual act. In North-Europe I have found it’s the other way around, deeming oral sex as something more intimate.
Disclaimer: this is old numbers, from at least 20 years back.
Kissing is more intimate than sex
Makes sense….. Also Oral is “kinda” optional? If you going to “have sex” with a person you cant really not do “PIV”?……
Thats why “Prostitutes” don’t kiss….. There is a certain level of intimacy when swapping tongues and saliva and being literally face to face.
Try anal, that’s very intimate
I think the show friends put it best when the one girl said “it’s closer to your heart”
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Yes! I [37M] really don’t like head from somebody unless I’m completely comfortable, which rarely happens the first few times I’m with somebody. It makes me feel on way too on display.
I also really hate feeling on display and it stresses me out that guys are always asking for eye contact so it’s like the main thing women focus on during a blowjob. I just want them to focus on stimulating the nerves but that always seems to be a lesser priority than staring at me. Also, why do they keep stopping as soon as anything feels good? Drives me fucking insane.
I agree imo it’s one of the more trusting/loving acts your partner can do for you
Bruh, kissing is more intimate than sex imo
in my opinion (not taking any variables into account) you are correct . i’ve found this to be true with every partner i have had
I’ve felt the same for a long time so no, you’re no weird a’tall!
Fwiw, I was with a Jehovah’s Witness for a little bit. This is how they thought. Blew my mind, and not anything else. Liked sex though!
This is such a cultural thing. I’m from South America and I always notiched how a bj comes first in american movies like “I only gave him a bj!”. Yet here a bj is something most people don’t neccessarily do it when they have sex. It’s more of a “only with my bf” kind of thing
I have always thought the exact same thing! Glad I’m not alone lol
It is.
I agree 100%. Oral pleasure is very intimate and if both people actually enjoy doing it , it is something fucking intense and amazing
I think it’s a valid opinion and that meaning is in the minds of those included
For some it might mean less comitment due to not having to reveal your whole body, the mouth not being as sensitive or things like that
Others might share your opinion. I do have the feeling that it is a more intimate comitment, as you choose a way to act towards your partner that involves less direct pleasure for yourself and can be more straining the longer you go. There is beauty in the deliberate comitment towards the other, especialy when it’s spontaneous rather than asked for
Agreed
No not weird at all. I agree it’s definitely more intimate.
I’ve always thought this too. The way I put it is it’s a different level of comfort for me for oral, because it’s really up close and personal.
I don’t think it’s weird.
In one sense, if I give oral sex, it’s because I’m into you enough to do this for you.
On the other hand, I’ve always been kinda meh about receiving. It feels good, I’m not ever gonna say no, but…it’s also not something I’m motivated to ask for and I’m certainly not gonna catch feelings from it.
Nah, I agree. The intimacy and power dynamic really do it for me.
It 100% is
Not weird at all, but I think for more general reasons than what I’ve read here so far. The other person you’re conversing with here is making an evolutionary argument, but conscious experiences are complex — definitely influenced by more than straight biology or logic.
What paints your experience of something is a blend of many of the things that makes you you. It can be argued that no one really experiences the same thing due to the context of our entire physical and mental being deciding how we perceive those experiences.
It’s also generational. Most Baby Boomers would agree with you, most Millennials wouldn’t. As a young Gen-Xer you’re right in that transition zone.
I would be much more upset if I found out my significant other cheated through oral sex. I would be much more upset if I found out she’s given oral sex to multiple people i know before we dated. The reason being that sex is mutually pleasurable but for the most part, you’re not getting much out of giving oral sex. I love giving oral dont get me wrong, but If I were to give a stranger oral in a dirty bathroom, I would feel more shame than pride.
No
Yeah I’ve never looked at it this way before but I’m inclined to agree. Also, with giving oral to someone with a penis, there is some level of trust there because the mouth does contain teeth. Additionally, you look at their face more than their genitals. It’s a little bit more of a personal experience.
I agree with you 100%.
Not odd at all. Always thought oral was more intimate. Yes the “traditional way” can be fun and intimate also but not as considering what you are doing with oral. Your mouth is where person pisses. Even if it’s freshly cleaned it still doesn’t stop accidental pissing in others mouth. Because of medical reasons, mostly psychological, i had to find a way to please my better half because i couldn’t rise to the occasion 90% of the time and was half mast or erect but bendy the other 10%. So i learned how to use my mouth and hands, ex wife was fully against oral. Only issue i have with oral is i give but don’t receive, been that way for almost 2 years. Was told she stopped after 15 years because i was to large and it hurt her mouth, which might be true since teeth were always there no matter what we tried. Sorry for the TMI rambling. Had way too much caffeine and way too little sleep since my ED stopped and our drive is back up.
I agree, and I think it’s partly because it’s (usually) one-sided. You are doing something sexual for your partner, which might mentally arose you, but isn’t physically doing anything for yourself.
i don’t feel this way at all
Man js sounds like yk what u like
I agree. My mouth is sacred and I would probably be more selective than just sex. Although all the men I have slept with I’ve given head also but I also have been selective for sex as well. (I’m 30 and can count my partners on one hand) But I do think head is very intimate. Even kissing is intimate.
Nope. I’m definitely putting a lot of trust in someone when I put my junk in their mouth.
Your face is literally down there! Yes its more intimate
I feel the same about it
It’s very intimate to be allowed to touch something with your tongue that other people are not even allowed to touch with their views.
I believe that the teacher of my High School sex ed class said this used to be the case until like the 60s-70s. I don’t remember the reasoning
Maybe it’s the fetish speaking but I think having someone inside my insides is more intimate than putting it in my mouth…
I don’t feel like either is intimate, and I haven’t had a lot of either
You’re right.
FACTS
FACTS
100% agree. I can say we dont give oral sex as much as we fuck. Is kinda sexual kiss on your genitals
“But honey , I only had sex with him. I didn’t blow him. There’s no need for a divorce.”
Have you seen Clerks ?
As a woman I totally agree, Ive had my share of one night stands and such but I really only go down on exclusive partners that I really care for
I would blow him until the sun comes up, and be happy as can be.
Slightly.
I’ve always felt this way.
I am a woman, and I totally agree with you! I know I wouldn’t be able to do it to a man I don’t know very well. I think this is really a “treat” we give to persons we love
Holding hands is more intimate than both.
I agree with OP….
My wife would certainly agree.
I agree with you. It was a discussion I had with my partner recently
Oral sex is wayyyyyyy more intimate than intercourse
I feel the same way. Oral is way above conventional sex.
I had a hard and fast rule when I was single.. we could have intercourse once I felt comfortable with you but I will never touch my mouth to your privates until we are officially dating
48F with not a ton of experience. Man, your a dying breed let me tell ya
I totally agree on that one!
When I got divorced I did alot of hookups through tinder and Facebook, made me realize kissing is also more intimate for me, than having sex. I don’t kiss with one nightstands!
Nope. I agree
No you aren’t..it’s about the most intimate thing you can do.
No, you’re not weird.
Have to share the College Humor video about this:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mXz-pCaINHc
I be spitting the same thing, oral is more intimate than sex. But if you think about is tossing of the salad even more intimate than oral?
I am on the fence. I am sitting here thinking what sex act would make me more upset if my spouse cheated.
Being comfortable if/when your SO ruins the bathroom for about 20 minutes is true intimacy.
What op asked, oral or otherwise gives enjoyment. ..however..
Walking into that bathroom after them to go pee… and go sit on the couch and finish that movie with them. Maybe you make a joke about it or you don’t mention it. Just is what it is.
sorry for the youngsters, but that’s about max level intimacy in my opinion.
I feel the same way about it
I agree as well. Definitely more intimate in my book.
I agree! ☝️
Hard agree. My husband always thought it was super intimate since my mouth is what I use to share my dreams, thoughts, ideas, etc and I choose to give that up during oral.
Really??? I always thought oral was just a quicker way to pregnancy 😆 I’m jk. I agree with you, and I’ve always considered oral to be intimate as well. You’re not alone in that thinking.
I think it’s logical. Intercourse is easy and serves you both with direct pleasure. Oral sex is you putting in effort in giving direct pleasure to someone else and not yourself (apart from indirect pleasure of seeing/hearing them enjoy). Doing it well generally takes some sense of comfort and trust, and getting to know someone well enough to know and figure out how they like it and that requires care, dedication and conscious effort.
My lazy ass wouldn’t go to those lengths for a random hookup only to get my needs met, so only for someone who I really care about wanting to please. Wanting to go through the sensitive trial and error process of oral sex in order to succesfully please someone is intimate af.
My wife definitely thinks there’s an added level of intimacy when I’m going down on her or if she’s sitting on my face because I’m the only one who has done that with her. Whereas, she’s been with other men before for the usual thing
It’s where our words come from
We need more like you. 🙌🏾
I get where you’re coming from. I’ve rarely allowed a man to go down on me as it’s their face so close to my most personal area.
Had a female friend explain that exact thing to me recently. She said sex is an act two people do. Each one getting something out of it (hopefully)… Also with sex there are things like condoms to create that barrier. Between you two.
With oral its something you actively do mostly one at a time, for the pleasure of the other person. She feels if she is just dating/hooking up with a guy, she has not developed that level of intimacy to do that to him.
Also said when it comes to hookups she does not do oral because of the fear of getting some std around her mouth.
In ‘Pretty Woman’, Julia Roberts would have sex and give oral but she would not kiss her clients as that was too personal.
Makes sense actually if you think about sex as a transactional thing.
Hmmmm….yeah, I guess even as a man when I go down on a woman, that is another level of trust and vulnerability than intercourse. Something about your face being directly involved maybe?