Hi, I’m looking for some support — I’m 25 years old and still a virgin. I am very happy with my life and friends and career and hobbies, but was raised in a super emotionally conservative household (does that make sense?) and was pretty much told to stay away from guys because they only wanted to sleep with me and hurt me.
I’m trying to break out of that mindset now but I’m afraid that I’ll have to explain to my first (sexual) partner that I am still a virgin at 25. I haven’t even dated very much (college during the pandemic, health issues) and am starting to get out of my shell but I’m so worried that any guy I get with will think it’s weird and assume there’s something wrong with me. Nothing IS wrong with me, and in all other ways I’m very self confident, but I feel like I’m SUPER late to the game here.
I know I’m overreacting, but my friends are coaching me about how to lie about this and I don’t want too. I need advice about how not to scare a guy away with this! Also… I don’t want to lie to a partner. Thank you all!
Comments
Friend of mine was a virgin till she was 30. Found her soul mate. Banged the shit out of him. Still does.
They are married and trying for kids and have successful careers and have the cutest dog and kittens.
Sometimes, sex isn’t the goal, its the reward, and that’s fine too.
(They’ve been together 5 years, married for 4)
People mostly like fucking because it’s for many, the only form of intimacy they get. If you get that in your life already and are happy, dont change what’ working.
If you dont build your identity on your sexual status, and you dont have significant social dificullties, you will be fine!
Also, becasue currenty about 25% of both young men and women are “never been in relationship”, your so called “virginity” might be more common than you think.
About the lying part. You can either go with full honesty. You will see that when you have partner you trust enough to be intimate with, you can be open without fear.
Or you can go with “I am very inexpirience but enthusiastic”, if your first intimate moment will come from relationship where you dont really feel THAT comfortable.
Also remember – you will be “virgin” only that once.
I was a virgin until the day before I turned 24. A part of me wished I had sex younger for various reasons, but truthfully, the opportunity never arose in a way that made sense to me and I wouldn’t have done anything different.
I did go through a bit of a sleeping-around after my first relationship and I wouldn’t have done some of THAT differently, but in general it all worked out.
I would not lie to your partner. Being a virgin at that age is not super common, but it’s not unheard of. Any partner worthy of your time will accept and love you for who you are and how your life has unfolded.
You’re absolutely not weird, most people are far more guarded about intimacy than you might realise. For every person who is a bit of an open book about how much they sleep around(absolutely their call of course) there are 10 who smile and nod and don’t openly talk about their sex lives which can give a skewed impression of when and how often you should be.
That being said when you do start dating and the subject comes up be prepared that you might get a negative reaction just be confident in the fact that it’s their hang ups and not yours.
My wife and I had sex for the first time around 22-26. I actually don’t remember the exact time but she’s 3 years older.
We were each others first and only everything. Married 12 years now 2 kids.
Probably a little atypical but who cares if you’re happy. I think some guys might feel some pressure but being honest probably won’t hurt and it can weed out the dudes that seem a little too excited about the prospect.