Tl; dr –
I’m a 30f and my fiancé is 33m wondering if I am wrong for feeling rejected by his sudden cancelling our plans and changing for his sometimes abusive mom to join us. This had been a big dream and now it’s… gone. I hate myself, so please… if you feel I’m a loser I understand, but please don’t be too harsh.. if you don’t mind…🙏
So as said my fiancé is getting out of prison (not looking for judgment plz) he’s been away for 6 years, his fam abandon him except her, once in awhile she’d go with me) when he went in. But I stayed the entire time- I made drives every weekend, paid for everything, phone calls… then now he’s gettin out on parole and they are back.. I get it’s hard to accept your mom is … not nice (she has some problems and … can be great but she manipulates him… she took n spent most of the money his grandfather left him, wasn’t gonna help him find a lawyer, said she wants him in prison bc she knows where he is, there’s worse but that’s her mentality) she’s hurt him a lot and I try to pick up pieces while he’s been locked up.
she did talk on phone to him, but here is my question… I’m embarrassed to ask but… I am really hurt I guess, and maybe I’m wrong, but…
So for months we up until like Wednesday even…. We have been planning the day he gets out, it was gonan be just me and him, we were gna have this romnatic date and dinner and shit right. then last night he calls and says oh and my mom is
Then last night he calls and says his moms gonna meet us and we aren’t doing any of the things we planned and we are gna go out 2 dinner/lunch 2getehr,
and thens she leaves, and i am to pay for gas, hotel etc to take him where he has to go… and i dont mind.
After so long with no romance, no affection and all these dreams it just was like being shoved aside…. And it hurt wrong or right… because it says what we had planned doesn’t matter to him? It ruins everything we had planned and i got really upset. im suppsoed to see him today but … idk . he says he will reassure me today but im jus … kind alik fk this im so over her … he alwatys does this with her and me. would u. be hurt? like… rpetending that he isnt who he is… or wahtever… would u feel hurt if after months of this huge romance thing he suddenly changes it even if its just .. now we have lunch with mom too 😄 😐 am i being selfish
Comments
It’s definitely a red flag for me – was it always like this where his mom would be made a priority? Obviously if his social circle shrinks and he’s trying to rebuild a life he’s going to cling to the few people that stuck with him even more and he’ll be more vulnerable to his mom being manipulative, so you need to have real boundaries and a real discussion with this guy.
You’re not selfish, after waiting and planning for so long, it’s natural to feel hurt when your special day together suddenly changes. Wanting that one-on-one time doesn’t mean you don’t support him seeing his mom, it just means your feelings matter too