hey yall, Im 23f and he’s 28m if it matters. I guess he’s actually my soon to be ex husband. regardless, here’s the tea. we are getting a divorce and we are splitting our custody 50/50. he called me cussing me out and yelling at me because he found out he still has to pay child support. the reason being, he makes significantly more than i do. i had my hours cut due to a medical issue and make less than $150 a week right now. he makes about 6x that. he told me i’m stealing from him, that it’s unfair he has to pay child support when my older sons father doesn’t (if i ever needed any money regarding our son he would give it no questions asked).
he claims im going to spend the child support money on both of my kids and he has a problem with that because my oldest is not his son. or that im gonna spend it on my nails or going out to eat or whatever tf he thinks. he says “i know how you women are just make men go broke so you can live lavishly”. sir, what is $400 or less a month gonna do? buy me a mansion? my attorney told me it’s none of his business what i spend it on and that it’s more of a reimbursement. he asked me to tell my attorney that i don’t want him to pay any child support. i’m not gonna do that, i personally think he needs to help me support his child until i am back on my feet and am able to work again. i told him it wouldn’t be forever. at this moment he is refusing to cooperate by sending over his pay info willingly, he was told the courts will just contact his employer or whatever they do to retrieve that information whether or not he decides to cooperate. guess that makes me an evil bitch who’s trying to destroy his life. the only reason he wanted 50/50 was so he wouldn’t have to pay, and he’s pissed because he’s going to have to pay anyways. so, let me know if im the asshole or in the wrong. i’m sooooo confused. thanks.
(oh p.s, this was a funny one. he just now told me that i’m scheming with my attorney to take his entire check from him every week. guess he doesn’t realize i have no control over how much he pays. i can’t anymore lol)
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hey yall, Im 23f and he’s 28m if it matters. I guess he’s actually my soon to be ex husband. regardless, here’s the tea. we are getting a divorce and we are splitting our custody 50/50. he called me cussing me out and yelling at me because he found out he still has to pay child support. the reason being, he makes significantly more than i do. i had my hours cut due to a medical issue and make less than $150 a week right now. he makes about 6x that. he told me i’m stealing from him, that it’s unfair he has to pay child support when my older sons father doesn’t (if i ever needed any money regarding our son he would give it no questions asked).
he claims im going to spend the child support money on both of my kids and he has a problem with that because my oldest is not his son. or that im gonna spend it on my nails or going out to eat or whatever tf he thinks. he says “i know how you women are just make men go broke so you can live lavishly”. sir, what is $400 or less a month gonna do? buy me a mansion? my attorney told me it’s none of his business what i spend it on and that it’s more of a reimbursement. he asked me to tell my attorney that i don’t want him to pay any child support. i’m not gonna do that, i personally think he needs to help me support his child until i am back on my feet and am able to work again. i told him it wouldn’t be forever. at this moment he is refusing to cooperate by sending over his pay info willingly, he was told the courts will just contact his employer or whatever they do to retrieve that information whether or not he decides to cooperate. guess that makes me an evil bitch who’s trying to destroy his life. the only reason he wanted 50/50 was so he wouldn’t have to pay, and he’s pissed because he’s going to have to pay anyways. so, let me know if im the asshole or in the wrong. i’m sooooo confused. thanks.
(oh p.s, this was a funny one. he just now told me that i’m scheming with my attorney to take his entire check from him every week. guess he doesn’t realize i have no control over how much he pays. i can’t anymore lol)
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Let him keep playing games. The judge will make him pay for them. It’s in his best interest to strike a mutually agreeable deal and not let the court decide.
He can literally say whatever he wants and it doesn’t matter. You know how expensive it is to have kids. You know that the bulk of your expenses are housing, utilities and food. You don’t have to justify shit to him. He can scream and stomp and yell but when it comes down to it he has an obligation to ensure his child has housing, food and heat. Don’t let him bully you!!!!
Girl, let the court handle it. He can cry to the judge (and judges do NOT like parents who shirk responsibility for their child support).
My ex offered “half the rent” for six months as alimony after a decade together. Absolutely the fuck not, I gave it all over to my attorney. We didn’t even have kids and the judge gave me $1,100/mo due to our income imbalance.
Get a parenting app and only talk to him through it. Your message will be recorded for when you need to take him to court to fix problems. And this loser will be in court again. He seems like the kind of person who will request 50/50 custody and then not actually take his days. You deserve the support either way, and if you wind up with full custody, you’ll really need it.
I hope that your medical issue is cleared up soon so you can work, because this guy has deadbeat written all over him.
I am speaking from experience. Download the Parenting App and only communicate with that. Once that’s in place, block him from your personal phone, email and block him from all your Social Media accounts.
My daughter biological father was 8 years older than I. He literally refused to sign the divorce papers because of the child support. He said, and I quote, “She’s YOUR baby. YOU gave birth to her. You know I shouldn’t HAVE to pay child support.”
This was back in the late 1990’s. And I got full custody and he didn’t make 6 figures. My best advice to only communicate through the parenting app. Take the child support and put it in its own checking account with a debit card that has your child’s name written in sharpie on it. Because at some point he may petition the court to force you to show how you are spending the money on the child. And if you absolutely can, designate a portion to go into a savings account for your child’s future education. And definitely let your lawyer know what you are doing.
He’s really got you questioning yourself when he is so pathetic? A man who doesn’t want to provide for his kid while their mother is disabled WHEN they have the finanical means, is no less than evil. Pure misogyny.
Cussing you out?? Record every interaction if you can legally use it, and INSIST on only communicating through a court approved custody app. He needs to grow up, WHO cares what he wants or thinks?? Just do what’s best for YOU and your kid and don’t consider him at all.
Please also look into other types of assistance and social support while you’re healing. Disconnect from this guy for your sanity’s sake. He’s got you wasting your TIME and stressing you out during poor health over his big old BooHoo?? IGNORED/MUTED (except the court-approved app).
In fact, see if he owes any alimony.
400 dollars??? He’s complaining about 400? That’s absolutely nothing. I spend that just on insurance.
Troll. GMaB. Here is the tea…. Pinkies up
It won’t be forever, it’ll be when your child turns 18. Do not ever let him get away with not paying. Even if you’re making enough money to support your child on your own, he still needs to pay his part.
Divorced father here, I had a 50/50 split and still paid child support. You are not wrong for taking child support, and you’re ex has absolutely no say in how you spend that money. Do not feel guilty for making sure your child is taking care of. Your ex can pound sand.
Let your attorney fight for as much as you can get.
Child support is a legal right. YOU aren’t making him do anything; a judge will.
Do NOT put him on child support only temporarily. That money belongs to your child and he is owed it. It isn’t yours to refuse. If you do get your feet under you and you truly don’t need that money for day to day things, put it in a savings account so your child can have a bit of a head start in adulthood.
Let him throw all the temper tantrums he wants. Who cares?
If you are not able to work due to medical issues, consider going back to court and getting maintenance added to the child support payment too.
Sounds like you do need money from your other baby daddy by the way. Maybe put them both on CS
He is legally, morally, ethically responsible to support the child or children that he made. Period. End of story.
So if reddit says YTA are you going to forget about the child support?
Child support is legally mandated.
The judge and the state is forcing him.
He needs to pay for that kid for the next 18 years whether he likes it or not. Stop talking to him about it. “It won’t be forever”….
Keep your mouth shut and talk only to your attorney. Let it go the legal route
I don’t understand why you are putting only one of dad’s on child support. Does your oldest son@: dad give you money monthly unofficially?
You’re not wrong at all. You’re also not forcing him to do shit it’s the court system and they’re going to make him do those things anyway. Anytime you try to sign up for services like food stamps or insurance or whatever they will still go after him. It’s inevitable and it’s something that it’s pretty much out of your control anyways.
Just follow the court order to a T with a smile on your face.
And stop with the babies for a bit, eh?
You keep getting CS until you are no longer legally able to. If you don’t need it for day-to-day living expenses, save it up for your kid’s future college, wedding, home down payment, etc. You have no right to put your EX above your child, and you owe it to your child. Who cares if he’s mad? Not your problem.
Let the courts decide!! Don’t do anything without them
Just grey rock him. Only reply to texts about the actual care of the children. Keep to written communication only.
Tell him the more he drags it out the more he can pay for your attorney fees too
This is why there are coparenting communication apps
yea…yta….in what world would you even THINK that? 😛
NTA. almost sounded like your soon to be ex wrote this, cuz I can’t think of anyone who would think this way, other than an irresponsible guy.
He should be thankful it’s JUST $400. No one FORCED him to have sex with you. When you have sex, this is a possible outcome.
And don’t let him off the hook when you get a job and your finances together. The money is meant to help your child. Every bit helps.
Oh and block him. Only converse through your attorney.
You don’t make the laws. The state you live in does. He made a baby. He pays. Also – the father of your other child should be paying too.
Maybe it is time you took your other son’s father to court too. Also, you are only 23, stop having babies until you are in steady relationships.
No, you are not wrong. It is his child. His child has a right to share his father income no matter what your income is.
It doesn’t matter. The cost of the place to live doesn’t magically go up because there’s another kid there that he didn’t father.
He’s absurd, let the judge see that.
Yes, you DO want him to pay child support. His child should not have to live in poverty in your home just because you have a medical issue. It’s not you that’s deciding how much he pays, it’s the court. Have your attorney do the paperwork to garnish your ex’s pay.
Document everything. Try to communicate through text or email only. Just ignore him moving forward and worry about getting back in your feet. If he did t want to pay to help support his kid he shouldn’t have had one.
Tell him,” If you weren’t such a shitty person and husband, we wouldn’t be talking about child support”
Why would it not be until your child is 18? If he makes more he pays child support. Full stop. If you get to a point where you don’t really need it put it in a college account for your kid.
Keep a record of all his messages.
The sad part is, he only wants equal time with his child so he has to pay less money. Not because he lives his child and wants to spend time with them.
You need to step up and get both of the fathers on an official plan and not rely on anything to do with kindness or manipulation free money. You need the system to work
You should get whatever support you are owed from BOTH fathers. Love how they think the teeny tiny amount they pay finances a rich lifestyle. Hardly.
Tell him when you earn more money than him you will pay him child support.
You aren’t in the wrong at all. He got to enjoy the fun part of making a kid and now he gets to experience the less fun part – being financially responsible for the kid he helped make.
As others have said, communicate with him only through the parenting app. Let him say what he wants about child support, and make sure you’re calm in your replies to him. “I expect you to pay child support for the child we made together.”
Many people missed the memo that 50/50 doesn’t guarantee no child support anymore. Not like it should be common knowledge, but if you’re trying to avoid child support by increasing your custody time and you don’t actually want more custody, you might want to do a quick Google search. Just to make sure you’re not in one of those pesky states that compares income and overnights and awards child support regardless of how much or how little custody you had.
You are not wrong in pursuing child support. Since you are not the Virgin Mother Mary, he has to pay child support! Since he is being a jerk, I would also ask the court for medical, dental and eye insurance that he has to pay the premium on and have him pay all the deductibles; he provides an education fund for college, and additional school expenses such as uniforms, field trips costs etc…. Ask for the highest amount which will give you some leeway to agree on an amount you would prefer.
Deadbeat parents hate this one simple trick. Save those texts for court. Screenshot and print them out to present at the child support hearing. But ALSO- baby daddy2 kinda has a point calling attention to baby daddy1. Your reduced income affects your ability to provide for your older kids, too. Both dads should be contributing CS regularly and appropriately according to the needs and expenses of raising their kids.
make his nightmare come true. get all his money.
Glad your divorcing that insecure selfish man-baby. You’re not stealing from him. He is paying child support to allow the child to live a life without worrying where the next meal will come from. He is ensuring the child will have clothes that fit and shoes to wear.
I hope your lawyer also get him to pay your lawyer fees for being an AH and making things harder.
23 years old with two separate fathers without a stable home environment for their children, being encouraged by other street rats in this sub on how to make the relationship between parents even more contentious and hostile, leading to the children ultimately suffering the consequences. Vile people.
Ok, first of all, are you one of “those” women that get their nails done? I’m betting you’re not
And secondly, it’s not you forcing him, it’s the courts that are forcing him
Thirdly, insist on having one of those court approved apps that all communications must go through going forward. Or at least only respond through texts
Fourthly, make sure you keep accurate records of when he actually takes his kid and for how long. If he’s late picking him up, drops him off early etc
Fifthly, tell his family “if you’re so worried about his financial situation, YOU can pay his court mandated child support. The law states he must provide for his child until X age. Just because we’re getting divorced doesn’t absolve him of his responsibilities”
Good luck, you’re gonna need a lot of luck and patience while dealing with your ex
The only issue I have is you saying he needs to help out while you get back on your feet. He doesn’t need to help you extra just because you are having a hard time. His obligation is to help his child. And you have the obligation to support your child 50%, too,
I would be annoyed too if I was splitting custody equally with my ex and I had to pay a bunch of money because she doesn’t really work.
Your attorney is spot on. I’m guessing you will end up taking his paycheck, at least part of it, because your attorney might ask that the child support be taken from his wages.
Get pregnant by stupid men —— have stupid problems.
I make my kids mom pay and she can cry all she wants she was a willing participant in what brought her into this world
Absolutely not, he needs to support his child based on the formula that each state uses. Get well and ignore him as much as possible.
If you are in a single recording state, record EVERY phone call. Screen capture EVERY text message (they can be deleted remotely, depending on which app you are using!). Send everything to your attorney and stop engaging. Depending on the state and income differences, he can even be ordered to pay support if you only have the child 25% of the time. Supporting your household for the benefit of your child, in whatever ways that is handled, is what child support is for. Food. Rent/mortgage. Gas. Electric. Car payment. Insurance. School fees. Clothes. Laundry. He gets no say in how you manage your home. He can also be ordered to contribute to childcare, insurance and co-pays, dental fees, mental health costs, sports or other fees for things your child wants to participate in…
With his current attitude I’d also stay aware of my child’s attitude. He could start working to weaponize your child against you. Having them spy on you and report back to him. How your spend your time. Your outings. Your friends, male or female. Etc. Talk to your attorney about having the court order the use of one of the co-parenting apps so everything is tracked and can be monitored by the court. He sounds petty and this could get very ugly. Protect yourself and your child. Hugs 💜
Stop talking to him. Let him argue with the court.
Why do women keep sleeping with men?
You’re not wrong but it sounds like you’re a bit wishy-washy with child support in general too. You need to enforce it for your first baby daddy and this one until they’re 18. It’s not just until you get back on your feet. Your children are entitled to that money and you need to make sure they both pay what they should. Not for you, for them. If you don’t immediately need the funds then put them away for your kids’ future.
Why would he pay child support if its 50/50. If you cant afford to have the child then why doesnt he just take full custody and see if thats what he prefers instead lol
Then he can get an attorney and settle this through court.
You’re not forcing him…the court deems that he should pay. You should ask your other baby daddy to pay too because that child support is for your son. You clearly need the funds and if one day you don’t, put it on savings. NTA.
Save the texts, emails, or voicemails and give them to your attorney. Do not communicate with him face to face. Also, do not relieve him of his obligation to support his child for any reason, no matter what happens with your own job situation. Your child has a right to food, shelter, clothing, etc. and his father has an obligation to contribute towards those things. If by so,e miracle you find you don’t need that money for daily living expenses, use it for extra curricular activities or stash it away in a college fund.
Let him keep complaining. If it’s by text or voicemail save it. It won’t look good for him at court. If he won’t pay his checks will be garnished. Make sure if he doesn’t pay you go after him to have it enforced. Even if you’re back on your feet that is money for your son that he deserves to have. Your ex sounds like a real pos. Doesn’t surprise me he only wanted 50/50 custody to try getting out of child support
He’s a fucking loser who thinks that a divorce means he doesn’t have to support his child anymore. Why do people keep needing to be reminded that child support is for the child, not the other parent?
Doesn’t he want his child to have a good life? I don’t get people who don’t want to provide for their children. I’d provide for my child even if they lived 5,000 miles away and I never got to see them.
If he didn’t want to pay, he should of used protection.
Definitely not wrong. He makes more so the judge will make him pay and if he acts an ass judge will get him for more. You deserve the money and it’s for your son but if you chose to spend it elsewhere then that is your choice. My ex who made four times more then me had constantly taken me to court for modification but guess what he never shows up for court. Long story short our son is 31 and he still owes arrears. The system sucks bc his a$$ should have been in jail but judge feels sorry for him I guess. Let hubby or ex pay the child support.
Child support is his obligation to the child. You’re doing your older son a disservice by not filing for child support
Never wrong to make a child’s parent pay support. It’s just not.