Hi Reddit, long time reader, first time poster. I feel like my husband is gaslighting me and would like unbiased opinions on the situation. A bit of background first, my husband and I met on Match, but he told his family that we met in Vegas. I don’t know exactly what he told them, just Vegas. I came here on a student visa, met husband years later, and got my green card after we married. I speculated that between Vegas and the green card, MIL feels her precious only son is too good for me. This does not excuse MIL’s behavior. Just my speculation on why she treated me so poorly.
MIL has insulted my command of English. Told me to learn to speak better English so I can get a better job. (I think my English is fine and barely accented. Grammar and words are all correct as you can see.) MIL has told husband not to let me read to our children because they will pick up on my bad English. On a visit to the in-laws, who live on the opposite coast, MIL told me to mop her kitchen floor and scrub the bathtub and toilet.
I have refused to go back. It has been at least eight years. Husband takes the kids to visit his parents during summer breaks. He would like to have his parents come visit, and has brought this up multiple times. I refuse because they would stay for at least several weeks and they would be intruding on my safe space. I have no family here and nowhere to go if they visit. I said I would go to a hotel.
Husband said I am being petty, overreacting, and being too sensitive. He did not believe his mom said those things initially. Then he said it’s cultural. (We are both the same race, but different cultures.) He said I should not hold grudges. That I am not behaving very Christian-like. (We do not belong to nor attend church. Ha!)
I have more opinions, but won’t put in the post so I don’t influence anyone’s answers. So, am I in the wrong? Or husband?
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Other posts from /u/Ashamed-Zucchini-376:
Am I wrong for refusing to let MIL stay in my home unless she apologizes for insulting me in the past and will not insult me if she is allowed to visit?, 56 minutes ago
Am I wrong for refusing to let MIL stay in my home unless she apologizes for insulting me in the past and will not insult me if she is allowed to visit?, 1 hour ago
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“As long as she thinks im the help and not family, she can stay right where she is, and keep cleaning her own toilets.”
Your husband should be grateful that you let the kids go visit. They are half you/your culture! I’d be worried about what she says to them or in front of them, and how she treats them.
If he wants to open up negotiations he might lose ground, or end up stirring the pot between you and MIL (if it somehow gets to the point where she is told off.
It sounds like you’ve been just fine with this arrangement, but I bet they’ve been bitching. You might have to think about how to catch and point out that they are the difficult people, not you, and that you won’t make yourself unhappy for them.