My wife and I take our kids to a local pool. Last year, we became friendly with a couple that lived in a different neighborhood. They have girls of nearly an identical age to our own and the kids immediately gravitated towards each other. The wife seems cool but the husband is a shy, weird dude.
This year, we return to the pool and the couple have moved into our neighborhood and their girls are about to attend the same school as mine. The mom is very enthusiastic about wanting to be friends with my wife. He is still shy and weird.
One day I took the kids to the pool by myself and the wife struck up a conversation with me. I pulled out my phone to show a picture of some stupid item I bought my kids on Amazon. I hear “Hey!” and see her husband comically running towards us with a feral look of anger and fear. She immediately tries to calm him down and let him know everything is fine but he keeps asking what was on my phone. I just walk away while they argue.
The next two weeks they wouldn’t even look at myself or my wife. Then, like someone flipped a switch, they both started to be extra friendly again. My wife is back to talking to the wife like nothing happened and he actually makes an effort to say hi and strike up a conversation. I will literally look directly through him when he tries to say something to me and do not engage. My wife’s perspective is that his wife seems cool, so let it go. My perspective is I don’t care how cool she is. I’m not having them over to my house for kids birthday parties, I’m not going to arrange play dates, and I am definitely not putting myself into a position where I might have a conflict with some insecure dude over his wife that I really don’t want to talk to to begin with. For context, I am not worried about him as a physical threat, but my worse case scenario is him making a scene like he did at the pool again and people within my social circle assuming that I did something and he is some wronged dude who is justifiably angry. Any opinions?
Comments
NTA. It’s better to avoid unnecessary drama if you can help it. Plus, there’s no rule that says you have to be friends with ANYONE.
no why would you it would have been another story if he came up and apologized for he’s behavior, there must be some trust issues from the past but thats no excuse
I would talk to him, your kids and wife apparently like them. Tell him that you were angry at how he handled the situation. Maybe there is more to it than you know. It may not even be about you.
You are overthinking this. What is best for your wife and kids? Be the adult here, not the child.
NTA. Dude is definitely off. Something majorly wrong. Is he socially maladjusted? On the spectrum? I don’t know.
My only thought is, speaking as a father of three, is I would consider being cordial simply for the fact that your kids well likely socially interact. Doesn’t mean you need to be friends or engage, but I would swallow it a bit and take one for the team… for your kid’s sake.
Like…normally i’d say maybe talk with him about it and clear the air…but if someone is whilling to confront you in public about wanting to sleep with their spouse with 0 evidence, they likely won’t listen to reason.
NTA
It seems normal and healthy to me that you don’t want to live with them. Nimodo, that’s better.
My guess is that he overreacted in that situation because of something that may have happened in the past. The fact that he flipped a switch and everything went back to normal for them tells me that they talked about it which is good on their part. It’s tough in this day and age when it comes to insecurity in a relationship. It if he spends time on Reddit he’s probably under the belief that 90% of relationships end up with infidelity 😅
You need to figure out what’s important to you in regards to keeping the friendship alive or letting it go. If you want your kids to continue hanging out with their children then maybe talk about it with them. On the other hand young children make a ton of friends throughout their lives that fizzle out when life changes. If their friendship ends they will most likely make new friends and forget about this family in the long run.
Yta. He may have made an incorrect assumption, but so have you the entire time you’ve known them. And now you’re being a jerk to him.
Your kids are close, the wives are close. He didn’t insult you, threaten you, he and his wife worked out whatever the issue was- it was between them. It’s time to get over it and move forward. Now YOU are being directly rude to him and worried about what some random people at the pool may or may not have thought! You are the insecure one now
NTA
Do not allow any unnecessary drama into your life.
Nah! Keep your distance. He freaked out over a ridiculous, harmless situation. What’s going to prevent him from doing it again? Don’t do anything to encourage interaction with him. Tell your wife you’re not cultivating a relationship with that person and exactly why.
NTA
YTA
Dude, him and his wife clearly have a problem of some sort which you dont know about because it’s none of your business.
You assumed this guy is werid because he is shy and quiet – because you’re an ass ( which i mean maybe he picked up on that hense the quiet?)
Now you refuse to talk to him or let your kids be friends because he might make a scence and people will judge you clearly for an adultbyou are super worried about other people’s thoughts on you. Please keep in mind if pwople see a guy being super kind to you and you being rude their gonna think your rude
Anyway put your ego down be an adult and euthierblet it go ( best move your never gonna be better anyway) or calmly say hey dude. Awhile ago when you reacted like that it upset me cause im not that kinda guy and id hate to have you or others think that.
I’m lost. Where did you think the guy thought you were trying to have sex with his wife?
Or was that low-hanging-fruit clickbait?
Fuck him and whatever his problem is. He made the narrative. If he wants to explain himself, and apologized…maybe he can change it. You don’t need to buddy up to him. It is, what he made it.
NTA but calm down dude
You don’t know the full story there and
He could have good reason to be suspicious. Try to engage and see if he’s cool without any of the jealousy BS. If not then you can be abrasive. You’re actin a fool rn. Chill
You’re kinda overreacting. Why don’t you just show him what was on your phone? Yeah maybe he’s insecure
Hahahah what a psycho
I would casually talk to him because there will be times y’all will need to be in the same room like at school functions. I may even say something about the fact that if you seem uncomfortable around him, it is because of that incident and once you say that, I wouldn’t try to be great friends that visit with each other, but more of an acquaintance. I base this on if others perceive a problem with y’all not talking, it will make things awkward for your family so just say hi and move on to getting away once you tell him why.
Let him apologize and explain .. then decide… or not… you are not obligated to be friends with every one in the world…
NTA. Sometimes you need to address the elephant in the room before moving forward. Point blank ask him why he was yelling at you at the pool. There definitely will be no relationship without this conversation first.
Your kids can remain friends with their kids and it’s fine if the wives get along. It doesn’t mean you have to be socially involved with them too. You can set your own boundary there for your own peace and protection. And at this point I don’t think it’s appropriate to communicate with his wife anymore if the husband had been that insecure. Think of it as respecting their relationship. I had an old friend from childhood and when he got married for some reason his wife just disliked me and assumed we had something more going on. So I just stop having anything to do with them because first of all wtf I didn’t do anything and secondly I think it’s best to avoid them if me being around makes her feel insecure and I don’t want her to feel that way.
NTA but i think you gotta communicate with the dude, i believe you guys can reach atleast better terms with a talk. You dont owe it to him but i believe being the bigger man in this is the best you can do, he shouldnt have assumed but we dont 100% know what went on. Doesnt excuse the treatment ofc but atleast you can get a real full answer
If there’s potential for the kids and families to be great friends and it would make life and socializing easier not to cut them off, then just be adult about it and ask him straight up. “Hey, the instance a few weeks ago felt really weird to me. Can we hash it out so we can move forward without anymore misunderstandings?” It will take 5 minutes of your life to have that conversation and then you’ll have a lot more clarity.
NTA…
Also, your wife sort of sucks on this one. If you feel he is insecure and crazy enough to be a problem she should respect that. Being cordial in public is fine but she should by no means be best friends with the wife or intermingle homes. Heck, for all you know maybe he is that way because she has cheated before. No need to get involved at all.
I dont think the problem is as bad, but just similar in some ways. When a woman says a man makes her feel unsafe every male partner should trust her. That is their world and perspective. That is their experience speaking. When a man says accusations about what he is or isn’t doing or being accused of anything remotely sexual occur and he needs to avoid that situation at all costs. A good woman will listen and accept that this is our world we live in. All it takes is one dude accusing you and game over. You will be trash in some people’s eyes forever.
You might be worried about the wrong person. He might have some legit reasons to be suspicious about his wife, and she’s the predatory one. NTA for avoiding them.
Who cares? 🤦♂️
“I hear “Hey!” and see her husband comically running towards us with a feral look of anger and fear.”
I smell Grok
NTA , I understand not trusting everyone because look what happens on a daily with people switching partners but that was very uncalled for
Just talk to them? All what the deal was?
Make small talk, but leave it at that.
My opinion. .. get over yourself.
Start your next conversation: “Ello guvnor. Your wife, is she a goer? I mean does show go? Rrrrrrrrrr!”
Your kids are friends, your wife is friends, why not handle this like an adult? Either tak to him one on one or talk couple to couple. Saying you won’t have anything to do with him and won’t allow your kids to have anything to do with him when he actually hasn’t done anything is a bit much. Also, if the people in your social circle would so easily believe you did something to him, what does that actually say about the kind of person you are? Maybe you need to take a step back, take a good, hard, brutally honest look at yourself. Acknowledge what you very well may have been refusing to acknowledge for who knows how long, and work on yourself instead of allowing your ego to get in the way of your kids having a relationship with friends.
NTA – But if he already thinks you were hitting on his wife and probably nothing will change his mind, you might as well hit it. Just tell the wife you’re willing to overlook his behavior if she’ll give you a hall pass…
Like my ex-wifes orgasms, fake fake fake fake fake
Stop!
What is with everyone saying you’re overreacting?? He had a chance and fucked it, l8rz bruz. Im so checked out of toxic people they don’t even deserve literacy. Weird little men create headaches, you sound like youve seen your share, go with your gut instinct to protect the family. Everyone here saying you’re overreacting are the type to also look past that creepy family members long hugs and pass it off with excuses. Hellllllll no. You did good in my eyes.
Yeah, maybe just be a man and have a conversation with him. Acting this way is like being in grade school.
YTA, overreact much?
NTA. I’d avoid them, tell my wife and kids to do the same.
You do not have to associate with them.
NAH.
Give him a 2nd chance. If he blows it, well, you tried.
Not an AH but weird AF.
There is only one way to get back at him
The situation is too unstable, who knows what their history is, or his history is. I would not socialize with them either. A quick hi nice to see you for the wives would be enough for me….LOL….