For context, I am 27weeks and when my husband and I decided to keep our son and told my MIL (at like 12 weeks or less). She proceeded to cry and spent days trying to bribe me to “not continue the pregnancy and wait three years”, she also tried to trap me into an intervention and convince me that I’m not doing the right thing and that she’ll be under so much stress that it’ll felt like she was pregnant. I thought she would get over it because she’s a grown woman who has had friends have kids younger than me. But my husband is an only child and she doesn’t believe in therapy, so it made a very bad mix. She still makes comments when I’m around and when I’m not. My husband got into it with his mom one day, he was sticking up for himself since her bf likes to pick fights because he believes he’s big and bad) and I was “asleep” downstairs as she was telling him that I’m brainwashing him and that I am the one telling him to be “disrespectful” towards his mom. Yet, she wants to be a part of my son’s life and I’ve been reeling my head around what to do because my husband wants our son to know his grandma. I want nothing to do with her because she genuinely cannot be nice to me and my husband understands that. He’s having a hard time now that he’s starting to realize that his mothers behavior isn’t healthy or right, but has been comforting his mother his entire life and it’s easier if he just gives in. He says he wants to put me and our son first, but I don’t know if she’ll wear him down to wear he’ll just give in again.
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Grandma who pressured you to kill her unborn grandchild doesn’t need to be in child’s life once they’re born.
What good would she bring to your child’s life? A child she wants you to abort until she decides it’s time. Spoiler she never will. What’s in 3 years that you must wait for anyway? And the “so stressed it’ll feel like her pregnancy” is weird.
Wait 3 years till you introduce them (if ever), after all that’s what she asked for
Tell your husband that it’s not worth it for your baby to know a grandma who wants him dead anyway. Be harsh. He needs a wake up call. Always bring it back to your son’s safety, not your dislike of her, and maybe that’ll snap him out of it
May I ask why you’d like your son to know this woman? She wanted him not to exist, and freaked out about it. Is it a case of not having another grandmother? Because I want you to know that kids cope just fine without grandparents. I wish wholeheartedly my mother had cut off her own mother when I was a baby, she’s a vile creature who hurts anyone she touches. She’s done so much damage to us as a family, and I feel like it could have been mitigated by not having contact.
It’s not just you who will be abused. My grandmother hated her own kids and only liked one grandchild. It showed. It did harm to the rest of us, pitted us against each other, made us anxious and angry all the time. People like this can’t help but manipulate the grandchildren. Mine was nice to us for only one reason; parental alienation. It took me thirty years of my life to work it out, and leave. I wish I’d done it sooner. My mother has lived with it for much longer, and now has to go to therapy to try and fix the damage. I also have to go.
My advice is not to sacrifice your own wellbeing and your son’s mental health for a woman who wanted him dead. One day she’ll tell him she thought that and it’ll hurt like nothing else. Protect him, and don’t capitulate to her whims. She’s not a good role model or even a good human being.
She wants access to your husband on her terms. That’s why having a child doesn’t make this grandma happy. One more thing separating her from her son.
Nope, not wrong at all. She basically tried to talk you into aborting your kid and now wants grandma privileges like nothing happened. That’s not just “stress,” that’s manipulation. Your husband needs to unlearn being her emotional crutch, because if he keeps folding, she’ll bulldoze both of you forever.
what a witch. how dare her try to pressure you and make the most important decision in YOUR life about her and what she wants .
This person would have zero access to my kids, especially without me there. Anywaysss congratulations!! 💗
I’d ask husband this, why do you want your son to be around someone who wants him dead? Wishing for him not to exist.
Nope, you’re not wrong. Anyone who tries to guilt or bribe you over your pregnancy doesn’t get a say. Your feelings are valid, protecting yourself and your kid isn’t overreacting.
I’d ask your husband after he’s done recovering if you want him to get through that first, why he wants someone who wants/wanted his son dead to have contact with that person? Ask him why he’d want to have someone that was so up in arms about it she tried to have an intervention about you NOT having this child. He needs to hear it put that way, don’t sugar coat it for him because he needs to realize he wants someone that wanted his child dead to have contact with that child.
Its not worth having someone that toxic in your child’s life, it will do way more damage to your son in the long run. I had to constantly hear my grandmother talk about us kids negatively while never saying anything about my cousins and it really messed me up and made me wonder why I wasn’t good enough, does he want that for his son?
Your husband is much too wrapped up in his mother’s needs. It means he’s unable to support you during your time of need and be present.
This should be a time to be picking out nursery colors, enjoying the peace before the chaos of newborns, and just being in the moment. Instead, he’s getting emotionally whipped around by a demanding mother. That’s not okay.
Clearly MIL wants and needs all his attention, but he is giving her that. He needs to start being a husband and father before he’s a son.
Does he want his future child to be put through the wringer like he is being? I’d hope not.