i have been attacked in this subreddit every time I mention my boyfriend is 12 years older than me. (I’m 28 he’s 40) The argument I hear is that it’s impossible for us to have things in common. we DO have a lot in common. How he was 12 when I was born.
How old I was when he was born is irrelevant! we were both adults when we met and our relationship is great. He adores me and I adore him. I know he will age but so will I. Should he abandon me just because I’m not the hot 26 year old he first met and fell for like Leonardo DiCaprio does with his girls?
If you dropped your ex because they started to look older you didn’t love them. I’m extremely happy in my relationship even bordering to obsession. I’ve never felt as valued,loved, cared for and appreciated as I do in this relationship so how can it be wrong when two people love each other just because of a large age gap?
My boyfriend will literally come home from a tired day of work and even though I just got home from work too half an hour ago but too tired to cook he will get up and cook for me. If he’s hurt my feelings in any way he won’t rest until he knows how sorry he is. I refuse to let go of such compatibility because of an age gap judgement. Even When he is 50 and I am 38 my love for him will never change.
Comments
If you are happy and it’s a healthy relationship then you are good to go.
They are jealous of you being happy. F them.
I got married at 22 to my husband who was 34. We have been stupidly happy for 35 years.
Age has never been an issue for us or anyone else.
Me 28 and my boyfriend 39. Me and my family is okay with it. That’s enough for me
This is often said when the youngest person in the relationship is between 18-23 (and then its a rightful thing to say)
18-30 is wildly different from 28-40
Alright, now, but do you really see yourself as his carer in years to come ,once the age gap becomes more apparent and his health declines…
You sound 😊.
I don’t understand how we got to a place where everyone thinks they have to ask permission from the world to be happy.
Go be happy.
You weren’t attacked on your last post. Idk why you’re saying that, comments were supportive.
I think if he makes you happy and you love him don’t worry about the ages. I’m married to a man 15 years older and have been married for almost 30 years never one day of worrying what other people think
28 is old enough to know what you’re doing. You could be with a 60 year old and it would still be fine. You are considered to be mature enough to not be groomed by an older man in the way that a 19 yr old would be. Not that it’s impossible for that to happen because it is, but I feel there’s less risk, comparatively speaking.
I did 42m and 31f and it was great.
I’m now 58. There was 12 years between myself and my first husband. We met age 23/35, married age 25/37, son born age 27/39. I always thought the age gap made little difference. We divorced after 21 years of marriage and, looking back, it did. While he wasn’t a monster, there was a degree of control there. He emotionally and financially abused me, although I never felt unsafe. He kept me skint as had poorly controlled depression, which resulted in unreasonable spending, which I didn’t realise for many years; I ended up with the financial burden. I was too young and inexperienced to see the red flags. He had a younger woman who (sorry to sound like I’m bragging) some thought was out of his league, and he enjoyed that.
Due to his age, and spending habits, I didn’t have the family I wanted. I always wanted 3 kids, would have settled for 2 but one was all I had. Even then he refused to pay a penny for anything for him for the first 5 years or so. Including holiday (I’d pay 2/3, he paid 1/3, “you wanted him, you pay for him”). We hit milestones at different times (going grey, needing reading glasses, planning retirement). When I met him I stopped going to clubs as he felt far too old, and stopped other hobbies he felt were childish. I was still interested in the latest fashions while he looked like an old man.
I know our issues were not just due to the age gap. Im simply pointing out that I can only see how unhealthy and toxic things were with the benefit of hindsight.
My husband is 12 years older than me we started dating when I was 30 we have been crazy for each other since the day we met 13 years ago, he is my best friend and the most amazing human I feel he was made just for me, i couldn’t imagine life without him… if he makes you happy others opinions have no weight live your life and be happy
What ever makes you happy.
So what you want. But it is a fact there are differences between life stages and reproductive health at 28 vs 40.
Do you ever want kids? Men’s sperm quality drops around age 40-45
https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/conditionsandtreatments/age-and-fertility#:~:text=Men's%20age%20and%20fertility,-While%20the%20effects&text=Male%20fertility%20generally%20starts%20to,years%20when%20sperm%20quality%20decreases.
The possibility of birth defects goes up as a man gets past 35.
https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2018/10/older-fathers-associated-with-increased-birth-risks.html
If you are truly happy, why so extremely defensive? You don’t need strangers’approval for who you date. I didn’t see your previous posts. But if you have been seeking validation, could some people have felt you’re a “young” 28? Could that be what made the age difference stand out?
You talk about men who dump women who start to look older. It’s probably true he never loved her if he could do this. But this men don’t admit it. They just decide one that that they “aren’t attracted” to their wife, and that’s the end of the marriage.
I don’t like it because there’s usually a creepy element. The big difference in life experience means there’s a power imbalance and it’s easier to control the younger person. The young person doesn’t know what they don’t know. It can take years for the young person to question behavior and see controlling tendencies.
Look this is obviously an issue for you as you seem fixated by it ,here’s my take through experience, everything is great up until your retirements ( I’m assuming you both work ) this happened to me although we only had a 5 years age gap ,I retired early through an injury and this triggered something in my wife who suddenly had to be the sole provider and had seven years before her retirement the relationship changed, at your age’s nothing changes until he retires 12 years suddenly becomes a massive deal ,whilst your still working for a decade, you at work him at home ..also I get him wanting a younger woman, who wouldn’t, but what’s in it for you ,security maybe ,experienced lover ? It’s not likely your going clubbing together or ,is it a daddy fixation…you posted it i answered truthfully ,just because it didn’t meet your expectations doesn’t mean I’m wrong as opinions are like arseholes as they say we’ve all got one..this is just mine and my experience yours could be completely different, but just remember love sometimes just isn’t enough…sorry if I’ve offended you in some way..
I didn’t realize people still cared about age gaps. Sure, pedophile and statutory rape of course, but two consenting adults? Good for you, you found your person. Congrats.
YAW. Yes you can have a lot in common with an older man. It can be great for many years, but then time catches up with you. It isn’t much fun when you are too young to retire, have aging parents, your kids are still in school, and your spouse’s health starts failing, or they develop cognitive issues. Then it’s a nightmare of epic proportions.
NW
You and your bf are both old enough that the age gap isn’t as significant as it would be if you were younger.
What matters is how you relate to each other, value each other and how you show it to each other.
My own parents were 10 years apart in age, and they did fine. They met when Dad was 35 and Mom was 25, which was younger than you were when you met your bf. When my younger brother was born, Mom was 34, Dad was 44.
You shouldn’t probably care so much what other people think, especially a bunch of internet strangers who presume to judge such things. You’re fine. Get on with your lives and enjoy each other to the fullest!