Am i(19M) in the wrong for ruining my relationship with my long distance partner(18F)?

***Need genuine advice***

I (19M) was in a long distance relationship with a girl from Poland (18F), it was around Feb 2024 since we started talking, i honestly fell in love with her at the first sight, she’s young, pretty and beautiful for me from everywhere, i just got too crazy for her, around my birthday (6 May) i confessed that i had feelings for her and on May 15th (Her birthday) i gave her a proper proposal, she definitely said yes, i was on cloud 9 since that day, she and I got really close to each other, flirting with each other, teasing, genuinely having each others back, and helping one another, she was my everything, i promised to her i will marry her. but around the last month (March) she was sent to Malmo as she qualified for an internship, i was so excited for her, although this also meant that i will have now way less time to spend with her (we have a time difference of 4 hours and 30 mins) still i was ready to face it, for i loved her more than anything and it was just a small obstacle, but sadly, things started to get downhill ever since she was in Malmo, she got constantly sick, we started to have unnecessary arguments over not spending enough time, it wasnt something new, every couple argues sometimes but we always fixed the issue, around a few weeks back, she told me how she got to be friends with a group of Lithuanians that are also in this internship,

although i am really insecure of her being with boys. i still showed no disagreement, it was a few days later i was out with my mutual friends with whom im really emotionally connected to, just a bunch of boys struggling in their own lives, coming together and forgetting our worries, i was so indulged with the boys that i forgot to text back my girlfriend, later on, she seems all upset with me, addressing how i wasnt giving her attention, i understood my fault but i was genuinely hurt too, why is it that i couldn’t be with them and that she had to stress herself out, in the same night she tells me she invited those guys to play uno with them, i thought of waiting but, i don know what went on my mind that time, i got extremely mad and insecure, i just cant stand at time when she is around some other man, we had an argument the other day about it,

she said she felt overwhelmed that she has to feel guilty that she cant make friends for herself, i got also mad and said if she says this much issues why doesn’t she leave me. she took my words seriously, she started threating about seriously separating, i couldn’t stand it, i got back to my senses and told her not to go. she agrees to stay, giving me one last chance. this was when things were quite getting normal, i was trying my best to make her mood like normal, her health was still not good, but yesterday, i waited whole day for her to text back, i remember she told me she was going to mall with her friends and those Lithuanians also, i was patiently waiting, till then she suddenly blocks me from everywhere, i got really confused, i texted her friend, asked her what was wrong, but without answering me directly she just says that “i cant help you” blocking me as well.

during this time i get really emotional, i just cant stand why a girl who was so cheerful and happy with our relationship, who promised would marry me, leave me in such a condition. it was during this day at the morning. I spam her account thru the other devices i have, and i get only a single text, she states that,

“I love you M ( my name’s initial) i am sorry for how i blocked you from everywhere without telling you the reason, i just feel so overwhelmed and my mood worsens day by day, i knew if i talked to you atleast once, my mind wouldve changed, but i really need a break, everytime i said ‘i love you’ i meant that with all the deepness of my heart, i just need some time alone to figure things out, take care of yourself and your parents, pls dont be mad at me for what im doing, and please dont wait for me, as i dont know when i will come back”.

that was al she wrote before i got blocked again. at this point, i dont know what to do, i feel like a leftover, i wanted to fight for us while she thought of herself, i wish i could say “i love you: one more time, i cant understand why she couldnt say it straight to me, it hurts my heart so damn much, i feel like breaking apart, she was my everything, all i can hope for is that she comes back, but i dont know if she will really or not, i keep crying constantly, i feel i ruined this relationship with my hands, i dont even know if i will be able to handle this much emotional pressure before giving up, i just want my love back, i want her to know how much i miss her and how much she means to me, but i dont know what to do, she has cut contacts from everywhere, im not on good financial conditions to book a flight to her country, not even a single friend of hers would actually help me in this situation, 🙁

**TL;DR; : a summary of how my girlfriend of 11 months cut off all contacts with me, because she felt overwhemled and how she felt bad and guilty for making friends because i was insecure, then how she gives me one last text stating that she needs a break from me and how she tells me not to wait for her, while i drown myself and blame myself for the way this relationship went, eventually hoping she reconnects with me soon :(**