Hi everyone, I live in a small German city with lots of American military personnel. Last night at 4 AM, my new American neighbor rang our bell because he’d lost his keys and didn’t know how to get inside. He apologized right away, and since it was an emergency, it was no problem. Today he apologized again and gave us an envelope from a nearby restaurant. I told him it wasn’t necessary, but he insisted. I expected a small gift—turns out it’s a 100€ gift card. That feels like way too much. I don’t want him to feel he has to pay for help, but I also don’t want to offend him by returning it. What would you do?
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Thank him kindly and accept his gratitude. He’s thanking you with a gift, not paying you for services.
Get it to go and invite your new neighbor over for food.
My first thought was, to maybe bake him a German pie and give him a selection of my favorite German Beers, so he knows it was way too much, but not offending him by just returning it right away.
This sounds like a great opportunity to build a friendly relationship with your neighbor. Definitely accept and enjoy the gift, but maybe return the favor by inviting him over for dinner or making him a dessert or something.
I will say it’s refreshing to hear that there are cultures out there who don’t want people to expect like they have to pay for help. Our overly capitalist society, definitely ingrains that in us.
If you turn this around into a friendship, then it can be really cool though.
He’s not paying you, he’s demonstrating gratitude for you waking up to help him.
If we called someone (if someone was even open) a lock smith would charge us at least 300 bucks.
He’s trying to say thanks for what was probably a really uncomfortable predicament he got in.
Getting woken up in the middle of the night for 100 bucks seems fair and appreciative.
(you could offer to take him out to dinner if you feel like having a friend or just spend and enjoy and maybe tell him that you liked the meal and tell him it was a appreciated, thoughtful gesture)
That’s a fair price for what you did. Invite him for a beer sometime.
He prolly doesn’t feel like he needs to pay for neighborly help, but just feels extra bad due to the timing. Maybe invite him to the restaurant and use the card to pay?
Edit for spelling
If it was me, i would enjoy the dinner, and look out for a good opportunity to express gratitude towards a generous neighbor.
As an American, with less than kind American neighbors, it certainly should be taken as a positive to have this person as a neighbor.
Just accept it. That would not be unusual in the US.
If you dig them as humans, use the card to buy lunch and share the gift with them.
Or enjoy a lunch and get them a must try entree or dessert. Leave it on their porch. With a nice card.
What a kind neighbor you are. He was so embarrassed about getting you up in the middle of the night, and he is very, very grateful. I hope you become lifelong friends.
Be thankful. Return the favor later on, when the opportunity presents itself. Returning the gift is a faux pas… although can that be the case when you’re in someone else’s country and culture lol? But refusing (at least the first time with the initial transaction) would be understandable. Maybe a bit later on you can invite him to your house for dinner or something 🙂
I don’t know about other Americans but knowingly waking someone up is my absolute last resort. I would be twisted with guilt if I woke someone up at 4am to help me. The gift card is a thank you and also probably helps ease his guilt. Go have a wonderful time and then tell him you had a wonderful time and then he’ll know you don’t secretly resent him.
Say thank you. Maybe offer to get him a beer if you really feel bad about it
You’re making a good neighbor who can help you when you need it. A tree in my yard fell and smashed my fence. My neighbor helped me with the tree. I got him a 100.00 gift card and then the next day he fixed my fence! A good relationship with your neighbor is invaluable.
Invite him to dinner with you!
I know there’s a culture gap and understanding the scale of this gift. It’s an expression of how badly he feels for having woken you up in the middle of the night. To him it’s proportional to his gratitude and how much he believes he inconvenienced you.
Keep in mind that America has a tipping culture still. It’s not a payment, it’s just a material way of saying “thank you.”
Also, I can add another bit of context as someone in the US military myself: overseas assignments are quite nice for us, I am certain €100 was not a big chunk of his budget.
Warms my heart to hear an American abroad being nice to people. 🙂
I would feel awful waking somebody up at 4am, so buying them dinner seems like a reasonable thing I’d probably do.
In the US, gift cards serve a useful purpose – giving a gift in situations where cash would be crass, but doing so in a way that lets the recipient enjoy what they like. Giving physical things like home decor items is kind of a crapshoot. Giving wine is common once you know someone likes certain varietals, but less so with a stranger who may not drink wine at all.
A mainstream restaurant card is a common way to do this. Everybody eats.
Eat something nice and be friends with him
It’s an American thing. Thanks a lot. Really appreciated. Here’s a $100.00 take ya wife to dinner on me brother..sorry for bothering you guys last night..
I’d go and have a nice dinner with my loved ones and then when you see him again, tell him all about it and how wonderful the food was. If he gave it to you, it was the exact right amount.
He just went a little extra for the odd hour.
This is an expression of his gratitude, it’s a gift of thanks. Very common American way of doing so. Enjoy!
It probably is a bit too much, but it also sounds like something my wife might give to a new neighbor who hasn’t even done anything nice for us yet.
Just go and have a nice meal. Order a nicer bottle of wine than normal. All that delicious French wine needs to be drunk now that we’re tariffing it. 🙂
? Take the opportunity to invite him to dinner. Bring the family if you have one.
There’s no need to do anything more, invite them someplace/get them beer/take them with you when you use it (after I used it and saw him again I’d probably let him know and thank him again, but that’s it). After thanking him for it, all obligations are fulfilled. He just did it as acknowledgement of how late it was and how you likely saved him a larger locksmith fee. There’s likely no further reason he did it like this than he felt like it was the right thing to do. Don’t read anything further into it.
This isn’t to say that it would be wrong to make overtures to get to know this person better, just that there’s no implied obligation in it. It is perfectly fine to just interpret this as him feeling that he settled his obligation, not that he was trying to tie you into greater obligation to him.
When you go to the restaurant, invite the neighbor and pay for both your meals with the gift card
Enjoy it. Or invite him to go out to that restaurant with you and pay for it with the card.
Go to the restaurant with your neighbor, and get to know them better.
Give a nice Thank You note to him. Don’t return the gift card. Just accept it graciously.
A locksmith would have cost a lot more
Say thank you and go eat!
They’re simply demonstrating their gratitude for your help and giving you an apology for inconveniencing you by waking your up at such an early hour.
If you return the card, he’ll think he offended you. He was thanking you for your help. Use the card, and enjoy it.
We Americans are helpful people, and when we need help, we’re grateful someone will help us.
It’s his way of saying thank you.
This is not totally out of line. He completely disrupted your family’s sleep. I’m sure he feels terribly about it. I would probably do the same thing if I were in his shoes.
A nice gesture might be to invite him to dinner with your family. Otherwise, just thank him for the generous gift and move on.
He’s showing you how much he appreciates your help. He was probably really embarrassed about waking you at 4am, so it’s important to him. Accept it and enjoy it. You two are friends now. 🙂
Americans are known for a lot of bad things, but we are also a generous lot. We have less social services and safety nets to rely on over here, so gifts of appreciation for help are standard. What might seem like a crass gesture to some would seem like a neighborly thing to do for an American. For example: I let my neighbor’s dog out once a week when he has to go to the office. Two quick visits one day a week- it’s not a problem. For this he signed me up to a wine club- two bottles a month. It’s totally unnecessary and very appreciated.
The amount of the card indicates how sorry he feels about the disturbance. Accept and be grateful you have a decent neighbor.
He’s just thanking you, not paying you. Thank him in kind. That’s all that’s needed. But if you like the guy then offer to go to the restaurant together.
if you’re not an introvert. Just Invite him for dinner 🤷🏻
$100 gift card for waking you up is generous and fair. You do not have to do anything.
You could do the cake idea, that seems like it would lead to a possible friendship, or at least a positive neighborly relationship.
You are a good person for feeling any need to reciprocate. I would be honored to have you as neighbor!
Thank him and except it. He wants you to go out and have a good time on him. We do this sometimes. Just dont abuse it
This is how you end up with a neighbor you exchange pet/ house sitting with.
They care about you and your life.
I like what someone else said about bringing over some beers/snacks with a note saying, “you’re too sweet.. I was happy to help you inside. Thank you! “
Do not return it, that would be seen as rude. You did something nice for him and he is thanking you, 100 euros is not that much money and he really appreciated what you did.
If anything, make him something special food wise, some sort of German dish as a sign of your gratitude but whatever you do don’t return it, I guarantee you that is not a lot of money for him and he truly does appreciate what you did for him, I’m sure he was very embarrassed to have to wake you up
You didn’t mean “as an excuse.” You meant to say “as an apology.”
This is a very American way of showing gratitude for your kindness and help.
This is a very American thing to do, accept it with grace. Not really that exorbitant by our standards.
OP. Als Amerikaner, nimm mal das Geschenk mit freude an. Der Typ fühlte sich durch die Situation einfach peinlich berührt. Es ist kein Dienst, aber was du getan hast, ist auch ein Geschenk für ihn.
I think I’d sit outside my door for a few hours and wait til a reasonable hour than to dare ever to knock on someone’s door like that at 4am. Unless it was raining or snowing I suppose. The amount isn’t unreasonable for such an imposition. Just keep it.
Use 50 EUR on you and get something like a few bottles of good beer/whiskey for the oder 50 EUR and invite him over.
You can take him, use it your self, or give it to someone who might need it.
He’s not gonna hate you for trying to give it back but I doubt you’ll be successful lol.
You don’t have to do anything if you want, but a small gesture in return wouldn’t be an insult or anything. Invite him out for lunch, have him over for dinner, take him to a bar, something small along those lines like everyone else is suggesting.
Sounds like you have a very polite/respectful neighbor now, so congrats!
nice! you will have a new friend and that’s awesome! do NOT return the card of course, that would be kinda insulting. If he’s alone, take him to a bar to drink german beer. If he has family, bake a pie and bring some beers over. something like that.
Take him to lunch
Don’t return it, he probably just feels bad for waking you up and wanted to show his gratitude. When you use the gift card, definitely tell him how much your family enjoyed it and thank him. Maybe invite him out for drinks or something
If you feel that bad about it, invite him to dinner with the gift card, and it’s the start of a neighborly friendship.
It’s common in the US to thank someone with a nice gift for helping you in a time of need, especially in the southeast. Knocking on someone’s door at 4am would be considered a nuisance if your house isn’t burning down next door.
It is a gift. He sounds like a nice guy, Enjoy the gift card!
For waking you up at 4am and disturbing you, they probably felt bad, and wanted to make it up to you.
That’s not uncommon in the US, and is good practice here. I’d just accept it and know that you are appreciated.
That’s how much he appreciates it. Especially since it was so early. Use the gift and be friendly and you can also be sure if you need something that he will help.
You can invite your neighbor over for a beer or lunch. Or, the next time you have a little shindig, wrap up a plate for food and bring it over. Whatever feels natural.
Just accept and say thank you. We Americans do not like bothering our neighbors for our own stupidity like missing the keys (if we are the decent ones) this is our cultural way of showing we really will try not to do it again and don’t plan to make it a careless habit.
Maybe you can insist he goes with you for the meal. This would be a classy move and show he is forgiven. Also you will feel less like you are spending his money on yourself. Also maybe he will be a better known friend. He sounds like a decent person to know.
Just donate the card to someone else. Maybe a women’s shelter or a charity or someone could use it?
Because you’re in Germany, where we have a big military presence, he probably feels like if he upsets you, then you’ll get a bad impression of Americans and the American government. He’s just trying to apologize for inconveniencing you, even though he did it in a way that’s a bit awkward because he didn’t know what’s else to do.
How much would a locksmith have cost him to get into his house/apartment? The $100 thank you may be cheaper.
If you feel weird about taking it, bring him back a desert or something from the restaurant and let him know how much you enjoyed the meal.
You’ve made a friend now. If you ever need help, ask him.
Thank him. then invite him to go with you when you go to the restaurant. An offering of friendship.
Invite him for a meal.
The only way this post could be more German is if it invaded Poland.
Most of us try really hard not to intrude. Unfortunately, not everyone is as kind and helpful to their neighbors as it should be. So when someone is helpful, we truly want to show appreciation
Isn’t this about the going rate for dinner for 2 at about any place with tablecloths?
The gift card was to show gratitude to a stranger at the time who went above and beyond to help at a very inconvenient time in a place they are unfamiliar with. Americans dont pay their close friends or expect payment anytime anyone does anything. In this case this could turn into a great friendship. He just wanted you to know how much he appreciated what you did for him when you didnt even know him. If you become friends most americans, at least my circle live by the I will do whatever I can to help out because I know you will do it for me and what goes around comes around. He was just making sure you knew how much he appreciated your actions helping him when you didnt know him at all. I can assure you he would not expect payment if he helped you out. especially from here on out. He would probably love to have a few beers and laugh about it also.
To sum it all up really. I would imagine he didnt want you to think it would be expected you should help him whenever he gets himself in pickle and the very nice thing you did for him was just something that was totally expected.
We take gratitude very seriously, so take it as it was intended. It is acceptable to then invite him to lunch with it. That’s what we do in the part of the US I live in. If the gift is too much, include the other person in the benefit, otherwise you start weaponizing kindness with constant exchanges out of thanks.
I gave my cousin $200 for helping me out when I was in a bind recently. Yeah $200 is a lot, but it’s nothing compared to what I would have paid had he not helped me out.
Just thank him and keep being the good neighbor that you are. 😊
it’s a gift. i would feel very sad if a gift like that was returned. enjoy the gift, and thank him for it. if you feel too bad about it you could pick a later date to gift back another gift.
It’s a gift and he felt like he really overstepped his boundaries. Take it and thank him.
That’s not exorbitant by many American standards. And especially not given the circumstances. He wouldn’t give it if he thought it was. And he’s not paying you for a service. He’s offering a kindness to you in gratitude for your kindness to him. He’s giving you a gift card because he doesn’t know you well enough to get you a more personalized gift.
Accept the generosity. Accept it on the terms of the giver without reading your own cultural norms into it.
If you’re concerned about it, he would not expect the same from you.
Given our current standing in the world and them waking you at 4am, they wanted you to know they truly appreciated your help. Go have a nice meal and let them know you appreciated their gift.
Your kindness meant a lot to him.
Be a gracious recipient, and if he does something for you, thank him how you choose.
He knew what he gave and it’s an expression of gratitude. Nothing more. He’s a good neighbor.
Invite him to dinner.
Just accept it. It is basically just buying you a nice dinner and that doesn’t seem like too much for waking someone up at 4 AM.
It isn’t paying for help but making up for doing something that is considered pretty rude in America. (Knocking on your neighbor’s door and waking them up at 4 AM because you lost your keys.)
If you really feel it’s too much to accept, use the card to take him out to dinner. It sounds like he is a good person to have as a friend.
Do not reject, bc that would be not respectful, enjoy, and have fun, and maybe return some photos of happiness and joy to your neighbor 🙂
It’s a gift, not a tip for service. Be glad to have a good neighbor and for being one!
Have a “Getting to Know You” party and invite him and other neighbors over to do just that. It’s always a nice thing to know that you live in a community that takes care of each other.
It’s not an excuse. It’s a gift to thank you for helping him in a tough situation
From the perspective of a Midwest American, I’d be mortified if I woke a neighbor up at that hour and mine are all lovely people that I’ve known for years.
If he’s anything like me it’s not about the money but dignity; his and yours. You got out of bed at an ungodly hour to help someone you barely knew when no one would blame you for not opening the door. The gift card is a material way for him to demonstrate that he intends to be a good neighbor and won’t take advantage of your kindness.
As others have said, this is typical way of saying thank you in the US, especially if someone really inconvenienced themselves when they offered to help. He was likely very embarrassed about losing his keys and having to seek help.
If you’re uncomfortable with the amount of the gift, the American way to approach the problem is to pay the gift forward. For example, give 100€ to your favorite charity.
A wonderful and generous gesture!
If you feel weird about taking the gift card either return it by putting it under his door or just donate the card. There are lots of charities that will accept gift cards.
You are very much over thinking this entire interaction. There is a good chance you will never speak with this person again.
Invite him out to dinner. Heck, use the gift card if you can pay for two on it.
You’re overthinking this, my man. He woke you up at 4 in the morning, he feels bad for doing that so he’s showing his gratitude by buying you a meal.
For 4am that’s a nice way to apologize –
As a Veteran who once lived in Wiesbaden and once lost his house keys while out at the pub I feel his pain – 😂
Enjoy!
Enjoy your meal. If he didn’t want to give you a gift, he wouldn’t have.
That’s a big gift but it’s not insultingly big. It’s about what 2 people having a nice dinner might expect to pay in the US with extra for a tip.
He feels terrible about waking you up and he’s apologizing to make things good with his new neighbor. You reciprocate by being friendly the next time you see him and thanking him for a lovely meal.
Say thank you. That is all.
Say thanks and go have a good meal! He gave you 100 cause he wants to be sure you are fed, he needed help and you showed up, that is worth buying you a meal
Spend it. If he couldn’t afford it, he wouldn’t have given it to you as an appreciation.
Enjoy it. That’s a pretty normal American thing and it’s not a crazy amount. You helped him and he’s showing his appreciation.
He’s not giving it to you as payment, he’s just showing that he appreciates your time and effort. It’s the equivalent of bringing your family dinner for someone that isn’t a great cook.
You could also use the card and then bring him* some small housewarming gift as a thank you. Something local, inexpensive, etc.
*just don’t deliver it at 4am
Invite him to dinner.. use the gift card. Make a new friend in the process. Or at least a friendly acquaintance
Don’t give it back unless you feel you ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO for your own reasons. It’s not quite spitting in his face but this isn’t an exorbitant gift for him whatsoever, this is just pretty standard. He’s just trying to make up for a massive inconvenience he gave you and I guarantee that it is not hurting him in any way to give. He just wants you to be sure to get a full meal without needing to pay for any yourself.
As others have suggested, if you really can’t handle the gift, maybe ask him if he wants to share a meal there.
That’s totally normal, we express ourselves in gift cards very often.
Typically $50 or $100 is a normal modest amount, as that’s not even enough for dinner out in most restaurants in the states right now.
100 euros isn’t that much to him, he’s making American sallaries, not german ones, and is paying American Taxes not German taxes. Waking someone up at 4AM to save your butt probably has him feeling very guilty, and he wants to make it up to you.
He’s just trying to show you that he’s grateful by giving you something that’s useful to you.
It’s almost certainly because it was a kind of “one off thing” and he appreciated the help for a kind of rude ask (being 4 am).
Accept it and let him know you were happy to help and if you are keen to share your contact info. That’s how people meet and become friends with neighbors.
Say thank you. That is a pretty standard amount. It’s exactly what I gave my neighbor for feeding my cat while we were gone a few days.
For some people that’s a lot. For others not so much. Or he felt that was the amount that would express his gratitude.
He is just saying thanks. While I personally believe that 100 euro is excessive, he is very grateful for your help.
If you awkward about him giving you that much, offer to take him out with it. You can both eat or drink, and get to know each other better.
The card is direct proportion to his feelings of guilt and gratitude. It would have cost him more than that to get a hotel, break a window, or call a locksmith.
Take the card and use it. He feels his imposition on you keenly and this is how he can ensure he balances it back out again.
Source: am an American who would have been mortified to wake a neighbor and would also have gone overboard to make up for it afterwards.