So long story, but I went on a 1st date with a woman from Hinge. We decided to meet at a brewery for beers. She was running late, 1st was an issue with the babysitter then got caught behind a train so after 20 min of waiting I ordered a drink while I continued to waited. I sipped it slowly and when she did arrive another 10 minutes later, we instantly started talking about what she would want to drink. Turns out we have the exact same taste in beer, we both like sours and I had one of the two available in front of me.
Here is where I went wrong it seems (foreshadowing). I offered for her to try mine before she ordered to see if she liked it, she declined and ordered the same one.
Anyway the date lasted another 45 min, before ending suddenly, she said she got a text from her mom/babysitter and needed to leave immediately.
I am also a single parent so I wasn’t totally turned off by that, but with the chaotic nature of the entire encounter, and not feeling a good connection, I decided to part ways. She tried a couple times to get a second opportunity but I let her know I was no longer interested in the nicest way possible.
So a few weeks later I find out from a friend I’m on “Are we dating the same guy”, someone had posted me anonymously but this woman had commented on it about we went on a date and how I creeped her out by offering her a sip of my drink when she arrived after me, and that I was potentially trying to drug her. Of course there were already 6 or 7 comments on that calling me a creep and “stranger danger”. So WTF? What was I supposed to do? I offered a sip she said no, I said cool and finished my drink before ordering another. At no point did I pressure her.
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NTA, shes bitter you rejected her lol
<Turns out we have the exact same taste in beer, we both like sours and I had one of the two available in front of me.
Here is where I went wrong it seems (foreshadowing). I offered for her to try mine before she ordered to see if she liked it, she declined and ordered the same one.>
Germ wise not the brightest idea to let a stranger drink from your glass.
However, her going on social media telling you tried to drug her while you actually finished drinking the glass yourself, that’s a red drama flag you ducked.
NTA
NTA. Everything you did was normal not creepy – you offered a sip with zero pressure. She said no, and you went on. That twist she put on it was extreme and unfair. You handled the chaos calmly and with care.
And that is why I don’t like those groups. I’ve been in a few of them and they are mostly unhealthy, dramatic women who can’t deal with rejection, open their legs for anyone, hate men, make fun of men’s photos and expect a man they don’t know to be only dating them, among other things. I do appreciate the actual warnings about actual predators, cheaters, abusers and criminals, but they are not the bulk of the posts. I would actually call the women out and report them, because the rules are pretty specific that that behavior isn’t tolerated. I assume she didn’t mention how inconsiderate and unfocused she was, of course. That’s why I take those groups, online reviews, etc., with a grain of salt. You did nothing wrong. I would report her and the group to Facebook – those groups are constantly in trouble for allowing women to spread lies. Or, you could always find the male group and post her and your story.
NTA
Those groups often turn into “I hate this person for a perceived sleight, so I’m telling you not to date them” groups. They are useful to many, offering one more way to vet a person you may date, but anyone who is going to trust that single review of you as a person isn’t someone that you want in your life anyway. Consider that post a red-flag catcher.
Also, you finished the drink, right? In front of your date? She would have known if it was drugged. She was right to be wary, but wrong to level accusations after the fact.
She really went ahead with that accusation after you had continued to drink it after offering. How the hell would it have been drugged. You dodged a bullet my friend. Wear the accusations as a badge of honor. If you are a good, solid man, there will always be crazies trying to drag you down before you meet the right one.
NTA, you’re being unfairly accused for a really normal and courteous act, who doesn’t share drinks with someone on a date? It’s just good manners. Stay strong and don’t let that toxic person bring you down…
NTA, those groups are quite toxic and not a fan
Tried to slip her some iocane powder, after years of building up a tolerance, did you?
NTA – and sorry you got put on blast at that group. It seems kinda stupid of her to allege she was gonna be slipped a mickey considering YOU were drinking that SAME beverage.
Wait! She left suddenly – tried to reconnect with you a second time – then blasted you for being creepy? Do I have that correct? NTA…she, on the other hand, definitely TA
While those groups do a lot and I mean a lot to keep women safe….they alternatively weaponise “bad dates” as abusive or creepy way too often. My favorite is “We talked for 2 days and went on a date and then he ghosted me watch out ladies!” as if they haven’t done the exact same thing 100 times. I usually call it out when I see because we got enough issues with men and dating without making stuff up.
NTA for that but I do wonder what got you posted from the OP.
You’re not the asshole, but you gotta be careful about offering drinks to women who don’t know you well. This is just a general rule of safety, but I don’t think it’s what really happened here.
What I really think happened is this: I “think” your date probably liked you more after one date than you did and was bummed that you didn’t want a second date with her. I “think” she was probably “venting” about this fact in a way she could. Unless you were a jerk (which from your post, I don’t think you are), I think she is just over-reacting a bit, which happens in dating sometimes. It sucks for you in this moment, but if you’re just a stand up guy in general (which it seems like you are), usually this stuff sorta itself out long term. Tbh, it sounds like she just exhibited an enormously huge red flag and you were right you trust your gut and not pursue a second date. It sucks man, but be a good guy and you’ll be fine 😊
Seems like this is just complaining. There’s no real controversy of whether or not you are an ass.
NTA – I know there are plenty of creepy guys out there, but these sites are pretty unfair only pink one side of the story and of course women are happy to jump on the bandwagon of false accusationsjust like here on Reddit
You did nothing wrong obviously.
Did she think you were gonna drug her while drugging yourself? I mean she saw you drinking the beer and you finished it after you asked her if she wanted some so unless you were like Westley from Princess bride and had conditioned yourself to drinking poison she’s pretty ridiculous for thinking you were trying to drug her.
But in all honesty, I’m pretty sure she knew that was bullshit, but this was just a virtue signal type thing so she could chime in and complain about you for not continuing to date her
What did the anonymous to say about you?
NTA. you avoided a potential high maintenance/anxiety filled human who’s first assumption is to think the worst of people she doesn’t even know. I mean the fact you finished your own drink in front of her that you offered a sip of and she STILL went over and posted that? Yah. Yuck. You did nothing wrong and got yourself out of a potentially horrible situation. IMO.
Idve slipped her the stank fanger
Dude that sucks
NTAH, how the hell would you drug someone with your own drink, that you are actively drinking from? She is just angry that you didn’t want to go with her on another date, and decided to do character assassination. You dodged a big one, and to be honest, I’m not sure that being on are we dating the same man is a bad thing, it would probably attract more women to you.
NTA
She makes zero sense trying to say that you drugged your own drink, were already drinking it, offered a tiny sip, then drank the rest yourself
Unless she was thinking you were hoping to roofie yourself, and she would drag you home cave woman style and have her way with you lmao
As a woman, I think I wouldn’t drink from the same glass if it’s not poured in front of me
Soooo, you roofied yourself? Lol, NTA
Wait there’s websites where women post guys pics and locations and people say stuff about them if they dated them? Is this even legal wtf?
Looking at it from her perspective, she may have been drugged before and sexually assaulted as a result. In that case, offering her a sip of your drink could’ve been a big trigger for her. This happened to me before and I’d never sip out of a drink with a person I don’t know. However, for her to blast you on the internet like she did to you is immature even if that has happened to her before. I think you dodged a bullet with this one. She may have some past trauma she needs to heal from. Your gesture was innocent enough but she didn’t see it that way. You are NTA. For future dates, don’t offer a sip of your drink or a bite of your food.
I feel like we are missing more of this story.
NTA Respond on the post. “Please don’t try to bring your chaos into my life. I offered you a sip to try before you bought and then continued to drink said drink after you turned me down. If I was trying to drug you that would have been a stupid thing to do. I didn’t think we had a connection and politely told you I wasn’t interested in another date afterwards instead of ghosting you. Maybe you should move on politely like I did”
Tried to drug her then drank the entire thing yourself. You dodged a bullet. NTA
Since it was your own drink, which you also proceeded to keep drinking sounds like she also accused you of drugging yourself 😂 what an idiot. NTA
You carry on with your life. You didn’t do anything wrong. If you picture is out there though and she’s saying these things, maybe you can take her ass to court for slander? Idk
I hope you responded with this post by the way.
NTA, She’s just sour.
That makes no sense. You finished the drink. I think she would’ve noticed if you’d roofied yourself…I agree that she’s probably just salty/embarrassed about you not wanting a second date. 💀
It’s unusual to drink something you have drugged. Her suggesting it was drugged is weird – maybe a reasonable thought when first offered, but seeing you then finish said drink yourself? Kinda makes that one low chance.
Very few of us in our busy lives get to develop a resistance to iocane powder…
NTA.
Nta, Are we dating the same man is just a forum for women to men bash.
this is insane. she thought you drugged your own drink? Have you been secretly building up an immunity to iocane powder?
Women are making dating so brutal its literally not worth it anymore. Most guys are a little awkward meeting new people, especially dating. Now you do something slightly weird and your face is blasted on the internet being called a creep and to stay away. I give up!
NTA I would have declined to try your drink as well, but considering you drank the rest of it, clearly it wasn’t drugged. She’s not too bright, huh? And you certainly didn’t deserve to get blasted online for it.
Would your friend be willing to post your side of the story to the group? Full disclosure I’m in my local group like that here. I’ve seen some good helpful posts warning of abuse, stalking, lying about being married, cheating, etc, but there are some where you can tell the woman is just pissed and trashing him for no reason. Most of the time other members call them on it.
So she thinks you were trying to drug her and she was still trying to get a second date..? Yeah, she’s unhinged and you’ve had a lucky escape. I’d have screenshot her messages underneath her comment on the post. Yes, I’m female but I’ve seen those posts pop up on my SM and people get heated real quick. Forget about her and whatever crazy posted it and try again, I swear there are normal people out there, I’m glad I’m not in the dating pool though, the horror stories are worrying!
I think she is just upset that you declined a second date. Her story is obviously ridiculous but shed had to let it go out of her system somehow.
I don’t understand, weren’t YOU visibly drinking your own drink? Did she think you were trying to drug both her AND yourself…?
NTA. Sounds like “are we dating the same guy” is an incel women’s site under the guise of finding cheaters. You dodged a bullet by not going on another date with this psycho.
It’s just another online echo chamber dominated by one sex.
These spaces are actually harmful to people.
You know how they talk about social media being harmful?…
I’m sure that phone call she received was planned. She probably told her friend to call in 45 min as she exited the car to come inside.
I can see being paranoid about drinks, but if you were already drinking from it, that seems like pretty strong evidence it wasn’t drugged.
NTA
NTA. Those pages are full of women mad they got denied a second date. While offering a sip of your drink on a first date is kind of weird, I would’ve thought you were just trying to be nice.
NTA, did no one comment, “So he offered you a sip of his drink, that he was drinking. In order to drug you”?
NTA But that she did not want to take a sip of a drink like that should not be held against her. That is a very real threat to many and better safe than sorry However, posting online that you creeped her out and potentially wanted to drug her is making her a massive AH.
Not sure you could have done anything differently honestly. If a woman (or anyone for that matter) is cautious about drinks, it really isn’t something personal, they just try to protect themselves. You wanted to be nice, it backfired, that wasn’t on you. How she reacted after it all fully was on her and it wasn’t okay.
NTAH. If you want to be petty, just post the screenshots of her trying to go out with you again on the thread lol
She’s a nutjob. You dodged a bullet.
Nta, they’re an idiot and you dodged a drama llama
Drugging them via your drink which you finished…. Moronic
Having a drink set up for them, suspicious perhaps
She fucked up, she knows it and is demonising you to take garner attention and sympathy .
Look if you wouldn’t ask someone for advice, why in hell dies their criticism matter ?
bro if you finished the beer without getting drugged how does she think there were drugs in there 😭
That group is a cesspool. A woman posted me in there anonymously also saying there was something off about me. All I did was tell her that I was uncomfortable with her going on a bday trip with her ex-boyfriend and female friends. Told her I appreciated her honesty but I prefer women that don’t keep exes as travel friends.
But hey there was something off about me. My friend sent me the screenshot and when I confronted the women she lied to my face and said it wasn’t her that posted it and she had no idea what I was talking about.
So…her theory is that you drugged yourself? Or is it that you slowly built up a tolerance to some kind of drug so you could drink it without it affecting you? This is absurd. NTA.
NTA
Trying to “poison someone” by spiking your own drink doesn’t make any sense at all. This person was either extremely stupid or up to her ears in a mysandrist and virtue through victimhood mindset.
Well, if you are that way, there are plenty of spaces online that are populated by those kinds of weirdos who do nothing but affirm each others worst ideas and impulses.
I wouldn’t think much of it had it happened to me.
This style of site is pernicious because of its ability to spread falsehoods about you behind your back. You don’t even get to see it (unless you have a friend who will let you in), let alone give your side.
In your case that would look something like “you do realize this was the drink that I was drinking before you arrived? (30 minutes late, I might add.) The one I finished in front of you after you said you didn’t want a sip? Think maybe I roofied myself, genius?”
It frankly should be subject to libel laws.
I think you are making a mistake by taking this lightly.
NTA – and IMHO most of the people that participate in these ‘are we dating the same guy’ groups are toxic AF anyways so you dodged a bullet.
Frankly, I think they should be banned outright but any sort of common sense guardrails on social media use are a non starter these days unfortunately.