34 m trying to make 11 dollars last till may 7th (payday) I take care of my two children full time. Work full time. Don’t qualify for financial help due to my gross income being too high. After I pay rent, electricity and other expenses I’m left with nothing. I live very bare minimum. I haven’t bought myself anything new in probably 4 years or so. It’s exhausting, pathetic and embarrassing. I’m struggling with depression. Anyone else have a similar experience? If so, how do you cope?
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You need to look into a career change, company change, side jobs, something. You need to get out of your comfort zone, and your children depend on it. You don’t have a choice. That’s all I’m going to say.
Yeah, it’s hard brother. I make more money than my parents ever did and have gone far in my career, but it’s still tough providing for my family, though I understand that I’m better off than most. In short, it’s not you. Hang in there.
I had a somewhat similar situation a few years back but unlike you, I didn’t have any kids. I focused. Hyper focused. Optimized every inch of my financial situation, kept an eye on every penny, planned, set goals… and after about 5 years I made it out. Can’t say I’m not scared but having tunnel vision on making it out helped me cope.
Keep working hard and stay positive at work and around the kids. I go out of my way to make sure people that have those qualities get recognized and moved up. You got this man.
Me and the wife decided to heavily downgrade our living situation, which has helped.
BUT the economy tanking due to the “trade” war shit with China, has made things fairly worse. (Not going into it, but it has affected us)
Went from a lower stress point, to it going right back up.
Cope? Coping the way I always have been, keeping everything bottled inside. Can’t afford to cope via an empty liquor bottle anymore, which is a plus…
✋🏼
Really sorry you are going through this. I know a lot of people don’t like gig work such as doordash and the others but they can be a lifeline for you for now. Your kids are depending on you.. Years back I was in your shoes financially. I did doordash with my kids. When we were waiting for orders, we were doing homework. You can do it.
You just have to cut down on avocado toast.
I tried to DM you but I can’t because apparently my account isn’t established. I did with others earlier today though…
Anyway I MIGHT be able to help a teeny bit. DM if you want.
YES, I am a brand new account, no I am not a bot or scammer. But if you are leery, I get it
America has become a hard place to live. No good paying jobs. They all went overseas.
Hey man, if you’re capable of raising 2 kids, you’re more than capable making more money with your time! Believe in yourself. Make connections and try to climb out of whereever you’re currently stuck in. Upskill yourself. You got this!
You know what’s wild is I outearn a lot of my friends. I earn well above average and can save money monthly. I’m very comfortable.
However, when I look at the cost of stuff, I think to myself that if I had 2 kids and a larger home, I have no idea how people do it.
Life is really tough now for so many, inflation has eaten into the average income being unsustainable. I feel really bad for so many people being taken advantage of by corporate greed and political incompetence.
Hopefully you can figure things out – I know it’s easy to say to earn more or spend less, but a combo of both those things takes time and none of it helps right now. May be worth looking at temp work or something to earn a bit of money in the meantime if you are desperate.
Man, I feel this in my bones.
Married 20 years. Two kids — 16 and 19. Three years ago, my wife pushed hard for us to buy a house. She had a decent job then and promised we’d make it work together. I knew we couldn’t swing it without both of us working, but I went along with it. Fast forward — we both lost our jobs in January. I’m back to work now, grinding. She’s still unemployed. So is our 19-year-old.
I’m carrying everything — $3k mortgage, bills, food — while living in a house I didn’t even want, funded by a dream that wasn’t mine. My savings are gone. I’m watching people I love sit in guilt and silence while I bleed myself dry trying to keep this thing afloat. No affection. No intimacy. No real partnership. Just me — exhausted.
You’re not alone, man. It’s not pathetic. It’s not embarrassing. It’s just real. And I think a lot of us out here are barely holding it together.
We don’t get medals for dying on the hill of survival. At some point, we gotta build an exit. One brick at a time.
Dude I was in bed for a year and I had to cure myself. And now I can’t find an IT job to save my life. 15 years experience and a cybersecurity degree. Just worked a shift at pizza hut. I’m 41 and my back is fucking killing me cause why have a delivery drive drive? No I spent five hours working minimum wage washing dishes while pizza hut corporate takes 50 percent off the top for nothing because it’s a franchise. Nevermind that an independent pizza place would do just as well and could pay its employees double no let’s have a franchise so the rich can get richer while doing no work. Yayyyyyyy
What was frustrating in my early career was seeing the people making $10/hour, have their housing and utilities subsidized and getting food stamps being better off than I was.
How much do you need to give yourself margin?
Can you make a GoFundMe?
I’m not as old school as some of these guys, I’ve lived in terror before and it doesn’t make a man out of you.
Whats your venmo or Zell, I’ll send you some money bro.
I’m in the same boat without kids. Honestly most days I struggle with my mental health just as much as my finances. Feels easier to give up than to keep going most days.
Idk seems fine to me
Once you have kids your life is effectively over. Your kid’s lives is now your life. That’s how it is for my brother. He says he wouldn’t have it any different.
I am 34M all my teeth rotted out due to chronic malnutrition, GERD, long term soda habit, and poor self-care due to disability and depression.
I haven’t worked since 2018 because of the health issues.
I haven’t dated or had sex since 2017 due to the above as well.
I almost died several times between 2018-2021.
I am terrified of my daily life and constantly am having problems that feel like I cannot deal with them.
I’m worried I’m going to lose my disability soon because I haven’t been going to the ER or hospital for a while now and as far as I understand private insurance companies will generally take you off it as soon as they can, and typically that has to due with you being hospitalized or not.
Practice some gratitude bro.
Hey dude.
I’ll trade.
I give you my significant income and you give me your looks, height, and physique.
Right now it’s not working being short, ugly, and overweight/out of shape.
Yeah and as a man people will be a dick about it.
You aren’t alone it’s a quiet desperation of many. I listen to many friends and can read between the lines.
I really think the USA and other countries are overdue for a quality of life downgrade unfortunately. Some things like new or cool cars that really add no value are a waste but as usual people judge others on these commodities.
There will be a usual in history and inflexon point where the number of people just like you will be fed up and react. It never goes well. In the past some fled across the world for new opportunities. That’s what happened with the Americas.
That age of human history has passed. So now people must make due where they are. There’s a reason types of leadership over the millennia has changed. As a little kid I saw the magna carta. I remember a painting of men standing over a king and pointing to the page to sign.
I don’t know your full situation, but have you tried a food bank? There are no income checks for most of those. Don’t eat out, pack your lunch, cheap meals like oatmeal (not instant) for breakfast and pb&j for lunch. Beans and rice also help stretch the dollar.
Visit the foodpantry. Dial 211 or call the United way to see if they can help you find the nearest one.
I was in line at the coffee shop and they asked what I wanted and I said “oh I should see how much money I have first” and we both watched me pull up my bank app and it said -$.99 and I was like “uhhhhhhh”
Thankfully my other account had $11 in it, so I’m doing just fine thanks
I don’t have kids. Dual income household and I’m still barely making it.
It’s rough out there, but this is what men do, we do the heavy lifting for those around us. We find a way to survive. It’s a grind, it can be depressing and hard. But that’s what we do.
Edit: deleted a response to the wrong person
Feel free to post your monthly spend for tips on lowering expenses. Easy to have blindspots.
Yes.
I only barely make it because I live with family. I don’t want to live with them but it’s the best that I can do right now.
I’m living off of savings right now. I would love to start working full time so I can move out and then save for what I really want to do with my life.
Where is the mother of kids ? Does she contribute ?
You go to the Philippines, find a wife. She will be happy to come to USA. The Philippines are very poor.
Then she can watch over kids while you work two jobs.
You buy a house and make a third child
Don’t be afraid to use food banks.
I got laid off yesterday. I have 3k in savings, and a will to live dwindling away.
Just got “dismissed” from the best job I ever had yesterday because of chronic health issues making it impossible for me to adhere to their stringent attendance policy…this was a job I could grow old with man, working for a state agency with benefits and retirement accounts, full deal…now i have less than a week to get my affairs in order before they stop paying me…I still have appointments on the books that I will no longer possess the benefits (insurance) to cover…and no, these places don’t take state (Husky) insurance. My water has also been cut off this week due to the town retrofitting old lead pipes in my neighborhood (or something). As a recovering opiate addict, I want so badly to just say fuck it and return to old habits…but the universe is always speaking to us. I’ve had to go to the gym to shower/brush my teeth which has led to me getting in workouts I guarantee I wouldn’t have had the will to attempt, and the loss of my job has left me more time to focus on school and help my parents (they live over an hour away and it’s been difficult finding the time to visit them regularly, let alone be of any real use to them)…Ive been forced to rethink some shit I would have otherwise just shoved to the back of my brain until it turned into a malignant tumor…sometimes life is trying to tell us something and the only language we understand is PAIN AND SUFFERING….unfortunately that’s our cue to make a change or, well, die. I choose to at least die trying. At least then the people I love will be absolved from guilt/regret, and I can still be a positive force in their lives…the day we stop trying is the day we start dying my guy. Never stop.
I feel your situation. A lot of ppl are just making it. I’m not sure how to get out of this situation. You would have to land a job then make products and services. This is a capitalist society that’s flawed and favors old ppl, hurt ppl, and single parents.
Military might be your best option. At least you can get housing. Wic and other government programs will cover food and healthcare for your kids. Food banks, churches and nonprofits usually give food out. At one time the government was giving it phones and Internet. Internet providers give out low income discounts if you qualify.
You might want to pay partial payments to your mortgage as it takes a long time to foreclose on a house. There’s ppl I know that live in a house for 2yrs and haven’t paid the mortgage. Then the retirees that haven’t paid aswell.
This is the new normal. Universal basic income will happen as they said.
Man idk how people afford mortgages I live in a mobile home I bought but have to rent the lot it’s on. Landlord just raised the rent again.
Could try door dashing if you have a reliable vehicle and a lil time to spare? Family of 7 here single income, and I find myself dashing a lot lately. 2 hours a day could get you an extra 20 to 50 bucks (for me lately its been about 25 dollars an hour) 2 hours a day, 50 bucks a day 5 days a week ( I have to have my family time and try to be home to at least kiss the kids goodnight or sometimes they have sports events and I don’t work and go to those)
But 250 a week on average, 1000 extra a month. I have to budget differently now I just got a new vehicle which costs too much but I needed a new SUV for the family
Still barely making it, switched back to this very labor intensive job just to kill my body and try to support my family, can’t pay any bills it seems. Food, gas, medicine, mortgage, car payments, insurance, and personal necessities are what’s most important. And I have to still dash on top of that or try to flip some random items
So, I’m going to tell you that the Dave Ramsey baby steps program will change your life. It requires like 2 years of sacrifice and gruelling lifestyle choices, but the financial peace is worth it
I make okay money, but am separated so pay child support and also have some CC debt I’m trying to clear. After all that plus rent and bills, there is little to give back to myself/savings. Not a great moment but I know it’s temporary.
When kids are Young it’s hard bro. You sacrifice a lot. Just know that this is temporary
Man, I hope you know this is the part of your story where keeping your head above water for the sake of those that depend on you is heroism. It’s heroic because anyone other than those involved won’t give a fuck, and if you were a coward you could bail. And you can’t expect even a pat on the back. But your strength will matter. It’s real man shit.
Not sure if you’re religious but you could probably ask a local church for some help.
Ya. I was homeless once.
I coped by increasing my salary to 250k.
I was laid off from a good paying job in July and despite hundreds of applications I couldn’t find work in my industry since, I had surgery for renal cancer a few months ago, my ex is taking advantage of my negative income situation to sue for custody, of our daughter, my wife just had a baby giving us three kids under three years old. I am getting through it as patiently as I can largely through faith. Things are improving a little. I am now cancer free and I’m starting a job next week in retail so I’ll have at least some income, and we have a newborn which is also a blessing.
Yeah brother you’re not alone. Hell I make $110k and my wife around $50k and we barely get by. I live in a rural area with a decent mortgage payment. I don’t know how others are making it. Hang in there
Im making it for now, do have a good job. But in a week I’m moving, and also dealing with a sick parent so having to help out there also. I predict it’ll be rough for awhile.
54, disabled, ‘rent’ a room and get my wifi from a neighbor who gave me his password.
I make it on $298 from EBT (Food Stamps), and $428 ABD (Aged, Blind, Disabled).
I live on that, and have lived on that for going on 6 years now. Less than $1000 a month.
How? My ‘rent’ is chores. I cook, I do laundry, dishes, etc. I provide my own food.
Now… dishes might take me 4 hours because I can’t stand for more than 15-20 minutes at a time. Laundry is done sitting, and takes me all day because if I sit too long my back starts acting up, and once it starts, it doesn’t stop. Meaning I have to lay down or walk around pretty often. It’s better than last year, though, where I could only stay in the room a few nights a week. Living primarily in my car really sucked. Even in weather as temperate as we have.
I’m also on prozac, as well as a host of other meds provided by the state, and grow my own MJ for pain management as I refuse to take opiates, no matter how bad it gets. They offer, I can get them, but… I’ve seen what they do to people long term (namely, an uncle who was an addict, as well as both my parents being alcoholics), and this is a long-term thing for me. There is no getting better or getting over, it is a permanent injury.
But, it’s my back, and has no visible stuff other than when I need my cane or crutches. So I have to make a case to the state every few years regarding “Pain,” just to keep my ABD. It’s such a fun life, particularly as I’m a Journeyman Carpenter & was a contractor, who played football through college and used to do rock climbing as a hobby. I was a very in-shape, very physical guy. Now I can’t even jog.
So yeah bro, I definitely get “barely making it”. I cannot imagine trying to live this life with kids. Respect bro, much respect. I hope things get better for you.
I’d look into food banks if you can, so that gives you a little bit of relief.
Enlist in the national guard pick something along the lines of communications. Get your certs in all the tech stuff and find a civi job Mon-Fri and use tricare for insurance