Ya’ll. I’m 39 weeks pregnant and beyond drained — not just physically, but mentally. My MIL constantly oversteps, and every week brings a new boundary we have to reinforce. DH handles the communication, but it still wears us both down because we talk about it together before he responds just to be on the same page.
The most exhausting part is the mental prep it takes just to deal with her. No one else in my life requires this much effort to block, redirect, or manage. It’s like we have to suit up emotionally every time, just to maintain basic peace.
This week’s gem: she’s already planning “baby’s first visit” to her house, which is two hours away. Keep in mind, I haven’t even delivered yet. We’re actually keeping our elective induction date from her because she’s already been badgering us with “any signs yet? Do you think it’ll happen soon?” We already told her she won’t be at the birth and we don’t plan on telling her until we are back home (thanks to advice from this group) but she still asks questions like she thinks she’s going to be there.
It blows my mind that she’s making plans for us to travel with a newborn when I haven’t even gone through labor and delivery yet. Who does that? Why does she think this is even remotely appropriate to bring up right now?
We’re just so tired of constantly saying “no,” blocking her controlling behavior, and having to defend basic boundaries. And now, we haven’t even held our baby yet and she’s already laying on the pressure. I’ll be blocking her from my phone as of today.
But seriously, anyone else TIRED?! It’s difficult to explain the mental preparation part of it all. Like my nervous system is on high alert constantly.
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Preparing for birth boundaries with JNMIL, feeling uneasy about recent encounter, 3 weeks ago
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Block her. The stress isn’t good for you and your baby. Once you are settled in after bringing your precious one home, have DH set up a visit with very clear boundaries you are comfortable with. Be comfortable saying no, as it is your right. Start with firm and clear boundaries from day one, you will be so glad you did so.
Block away Momma-to-be! Then take a deep breath, lay back, rest, relax and let DH run interference.
I even suggest you keep her blocked permanently since you’ll be busy with your new baby. Congratulations and I wish you a safe delivery and carefree post partum bonding time.
Radio silence from now until you are home and comfortable. You do not need the stress, neither does your husband.
I hope she realizes that babies younger than 3 months shouldn’t be taken on 2 hour long car rides. You can hold her at bay with that for a while.
And yes, I totally relate to needing to mentally brace yourself to be around difficult in-laws. Got a few of those myself. It sucks.
Honestly your husband needs to saddle up and take on the boundary enforcement role solo when you’re in labour and in postpartum. That is not your responsibility, your job is to rest, recover and care for your precious newborn. Make sure he knows your expectations and that it’s his job to manage her. Trust me there’s a fast way to bring on the baby blues and that’s having an overbearing MIL up in your business freshly PP.
Also, expect to feel rage when she holds your baby for the first time. But practice saying, ‘ok time to come back to mama’ before she visits. It can be hard to say this when it’s new and they’re an overbearing person. But it’s discomfort like you wouldn’t believe to have your newborn crying in someone else’s arms who won’t give them back. They don’t get to settle the baby, baby only wants mama during that time so practice it and get comfortable saying it! Good luck, and hope it all goes smoothly!
People like her don’t change. My mother is like this. Expect this forever and give her consequences
Let her make the plans, but then just dont show up.