I can’t rid my mind of the walking red flag I dated for about a month last summer before he just ghosted. He popped back up a few months later to disappear again. And I spent a long time mad at him (and myself for not seeing the flags while we were together), but I finally let myself heal.
I’ve been seeing someone for about 7 months now (currently long-distance), and at one point I almost had the ex completely out of mind, but of course a new song from one of his favorite artists emerges and starts the cycle over again (to be fair, the song is about how pathetic their ex is, so it’s super fitting… LOL).
Soo… anyone know how to scrub the scrub from my brain?
Comments
You just have to try to put him out of your mind. He’s a jerk. He’s not worthy of your energy. Don’t look at his social media. Block his number if you haven’t already. Just act as if he doesn’t exist.
Learn better boundaries + Build new memories and experiences. Therapy?
It’s like an addiction, if you dated for a month it’s like a hit, a high. It’s not like he provided long term benefits in your life.
Focus on things you do like and enjoy that are healthy in your life.
I think of my brain as an overworked librarian, constantly trying to give me the information I am asking for. Since I can interpret what my brain is giving me, I am not defined by those thoughts.
So when I get an intrusive thought like this, I thank that librarian for trying really hard, but that this image or memory isn’t helpful right now. I imagine her filling it away in a dusty corner and then I ask for a better thought. Like sunflowers or what my cat smells like.
I give all my exes nicknames to distance myself from them. Might sound silly, but it has worked for me. The massive Star Wars fan, I call The Last Asshole. The one who decided to transition 2 months after we moved in together is What’s Her Name cause she had three different first names during the time I knew her. Hopscotch is the guy that kept jumping in and out of wanting to be involved. Something pithy and makes me remember the reasons they are an ex and detaches me from and residual feels is what I’m aiming for.
Maybe not so much a scrub but it’s something.
Is there something you feel is mentally unresolved? For example, I keep thinking back to a not even an ex but he represented something to me that I still want. So even though it’s not him, I thought of him that way and sometimes, as my brain builds new neurons, it’s like “does this matter still?” and I’m like nah, thanks.
If you only dated for a month, is he really even an ex? He’s more like an insignificant person you knew for a month. It certainly wasn’t a relationship if it was that short. Just some dates.
Watch this creator, she’ll cure you and make you laugh!
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8jBNMjo/
Edit: a word