Are men just as afraid to approach women as women are to approach men? If so, why?

r/

I’m 25 and have never been on a date. I am so scared to approach a guy in person or even compliment them as a fear of being rejected.

I’m also on the mid size/plus size side, which makes things harder. I think I have a pretty face but men don’t always care about that, body is super important to them.

I am taking care of myself more for my health and just to feel good.

But are men also afraid to approach women as well? Are we both scared?

It’s so confusing sometimes.

Comments

  1. ElegantMankey Avatar

    Some men are, some men aren’t.
    I prefer approaching women and actually loved doing it when I was single.

  2. WebNew9978 Avatar

    For a lot yes. Nobody likes rejection.

  3. Cultural_Wolverine89 Avatar

    Nah, men will approach women despite all the stigma while women are very hesitant, to put it politely. If you’re really comparing men and women it’s insanely one-sided for people trying, honestly. Women suck at this. Flat out.

  4. blacc01 Avatar

    At this point just download tinder or hinge. No reason you should be single if you don’t want to

  5. PetalSoupy Avatar

    Fear of rejection hits both genders equally. For many guys, approaching = risking public embarrassment or seeming “creepy.”

  6. Delli-paper Avatar

    Absokutely not. Most men are more afraid because failure is far more likely to have far more severe consequences

  7. InsideOutCosmonaut Avatar

    Yes, it turns out everyone is a bit insecure and nobody likes rejection.

    All the pressure gets put on blokes to take initiative in every situation, so often in fact, some women don’t even think that it bothers them. Spoilers, it does.

  8. umlaute Avatar

    For the most part, yes. But on average, we’re way more attracted to women than women are to us. So most men force themselves to find some way to approach or convey interest. 

  9. bakwards_legs00765 Avatar

    If you want it go get it do t expect somebody to read your mind

  10. ThatSmartIdiot Avatar

    nowadays men risk criminal charges in certain areas in place of rejection (at least that’s what i hear. im not american though)

  11. Slutty_Prose1997 Avatar
    1. Yes, men are hesitant to approach women. Less and less men were already approaching women as years went on and now with social media the stakes of rejection are higher.

    2. Your lack of approaches may not also be due to men being scared. Sadly, there could be an element where you may be overestimating your looks, personality, or desirability as a whole. However, I’m going to take your word that you have a pretty face.

    3. You may be socializing in the wrong areas. Change up where you hangout and you may find a different segment of men who would approach you.

  12. JakeOfSpades1 Avatar

    Generally yes. It’s dangerous, we don’t want to be accused of something or publicly embarrassed. Also a lot of the times if the women doesn’t find you attractive women will just straight up insult your looks, especially height.

  13. bozhodimitrov Avatar

    It looks more like you are overthinking it. No need to compare men and women in that regard.

    Attitude and the way of thinking is also important for men. So your communication skills also matter.

    I suspect that you just don’t have enough access to men. When was the last time you went out to hangout with guys and dance or you picked on a hobby where you can have a casual chat with men like running or cycling, or swimming? Cooking and hiking is also a nice way of meeting more men that would let you know them better.

    Or do you ask that question in the context of dating apps, where everything is one big distortion?

  14. Artistic_Speech_1965 Avatar

    Yes, the fear of rejection is the same for both gender. It’s a human concept. Generally women have a higher chance to succeed but I also know it’s harder when men want a woman who is not “fat”. I don’t always know what that mean but it can differ according to the person. Generally the fatness men fear is the one who erase the curve of a woman. With a good waist to heap ratio, a woman get a lot of points

  15. AnonymousResponder00 Avatar

    Yes. Approaching a cute girl, in my opinion, is the hardest thing to do. And this is for good reason. In this world, there is a perfect correlation between how challenging something is and how much it is worth doing that task.

  16. Homely_Bonfire Avatar

    There is a significant portion of boys and men who are terrified of approaching women, yes. This may not always be linked to her simply rejecting him, but also the pathologic people who will do character assassination or lawfare shenanigans.

    Especially since rejection rates tend to be quite high, it can feel like a big risk of unforeseen consequences.

  17. MeltingDog Avatar

    Yep. For me the biggest fear was not necessarily being rejected, but being called, or seen as, a creep. Like, approaching a woman who wasn’t interested or already had a partner and being mis-perceived as sleazy or something.

    When Tinder came along it was a god send for me simply because you knew that everyone on there was looking to date (or supposed to be anyway).

  18. EponymousTitular Avatar

    >But are men also afraid to approach women as well? Are we both scared?

    “Afraid” wtf

    Cold approaching a woman can be humiliating or even physically dangerous for men in today’s world. You could look like Margot Robbie’s twin sister and still have this problem.

    For most men, the risks of cold approaching a woman outweigh any possible rewards. It’s just not worth it anymore.

    Men didn’t create this situation so men can’t fix it. If you want things to change, it’s something women need to do. Until women collectively put on their big girl panties about the acceptability of men approaching women again, don’t expect things to get better any time soon.

  19. gummi-far Avatar

    We are just as afraid, but we still do it, or else we would bit single forever

  20. Marruuk Avatar
    1. Every body type is someone’s favourite. There is this weird perception I keep seeing expressed by women, that guys only like a particular type of girl. Are they blind to how many fit dudes chase chubby women?

    2. Asking out women was scary when I was younger. Not so much now. I have had to do so many jobs that placed me in situations that terrified me. Shit that made me think I was about to die. Now asking someone out, and getting rejected, is just mildly embarrassing.

    Not that I recommend it but near death situations, and working jobs with horrible safety standards, really helps eliminate the fear factor.

  21. Hoomanbeanzzz Avatar

    It’s not even safe to talk to women anymore. Express interest in the wrong one and you could end up with criminal charges. Misunderstand one smile or body language cue and you could end up on tiktok as a creep and lose your job, reputation, and career prospects. 

    The only way to win the game is refuse to play.

    Women created this environment and now they’re going to have to learn to take initiative clearly and unmistakable.

  22. mynameishuman42 Avatar

    45m. If you approach a guy you know is single, 9 times out of 10 you’ll get a date.

  23. ow3ntrillson Avatar

    >But are men also afraid to approach women as well? Are we both scared?

    Yes, both sexes suffer from approach anxiety.

  24. AskAnAnswer Avatar

    The worst she could say is far from no.

    It’s too common for women to take glee in tearing down or character assassinating men that approach them. Common enough that you would rather not.

  25. Deep-Youth5783 Avatar

    Fear of rejection, I’m right there with you.  My story is a bit unique though.  I was approached by a girl at 12.  I wasnt even interested in girls then.  But I liked her eyes and she wanted to be my friend.  So I obliged.  She’s my wife now.

    Her gym teacher told her “If you dont talk to him you’ll never know”.  Man I can only imagine how much fear she had to ask to be my friend.  Especially since she was crushing on me.

  26. Mrknowalitte Avatar

    Most of the people I approach are already in a relationship

  27. JadeDansk Avatar

    They’re afraid for different reasons. At least in the US, men receive far fewer compliments and advances from female strangers than vice versa. There’s far more expectation on men to do the pursuing than vice versa. It can be scary to do the pursuing, especially if you’re worried about socially misstepping and coming off as a creep.

  28. WanabeInflatable Avatar

    Men also fear rejection and in addition creepshaming. Men nowadays are told that women are afraid of all the harassment and want to be left alone. Men listened and learned.