Me (44F) feel like I’m just a weekday partner to my boyfriend (48M) of 3 years. but we don’t live together. We mostly spend weeknights at my place since I work in the city and he lives over an hour away in a rural village. Weekends are usually separate—we both have independent social lives, and he often has plans with his friends or hobbies.
Lately, I’ve been feeling like we don’t get any real quality time together. Weeknights are rushed and tired, and we haven’t spent a proper weekend together in two months. I brought this up, and he agreed we should plan better. He booked a B&B for a night, which I appreciated—but it ended up being the wrong place, with twin beds and a dated vibe. He also told me during the trip that he had plans for the next two weekends and wanted to move our next weekend away due to a sports event.
That really stung. I felt like I was finally asking to be prioritized, and instead, I was being pushed aside again. He got sick that night, so we came back early and spent the evening in separate beds with no closeness or affection. It’s not the first time a trip has ended like that.
I’ve started to feel more like a friend or part of his routine than a real partner. We don’t have much intimacy anymore, and I barely know his friends. I feel hidden from his full life, like I’m just the person he sees during the week when everything’s quiet, and others get the best of him on weekends.
He says he sees a future with me, and I used to feel the same—but I’m starting to wonder if we’re actually compatible in the way we live and connect. I want more than this. I want to feel close, chosen, and part of something real—not just an afterthought.
TL;DR:
Together 3 years, mostly see each other on tired weeknights. Rarely spend weekends together, and a recent trip to reconnect fell flat. I feel sidelined and hidden from his full life. Wondering if I’m expecting too much or just finally seeing that we’re not aligned.
Comments
Why can’t you just spend a weekend with him joining him in his plans? I get that you don’t want to do that every weekend, because you also have things you want to do, but it’s really weird to me that he isn’t integrating you into his life. You’re his long term partner, why aren’t you with him when he meets up with his friends or whatever he does on weekends?
If he says he sees a future with you, what does that future look like? Is one of you going to move? Is he going to involve you in his life?
Your expectations are definitely not too much.
He’s not interested in planning date nights? Is he doing any job that requires a lot of physical labour?