So I (22f) have a FWB and we basically developed feelings for each other. But we’re kinda at a stalemate bc he’s not going to live in America forever (bc of visa issues), so it wouldn’t last. However I’m only 22 and most relationships at this age probably won’t last anyways so that leads me to the question will it be worth it to get into a relationship with an expiration date?
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Enjoy the good times while you can. You don’t know what the future holds. I was in a very similar situation several years ago. And now we live together and he’s the love of my life. But we never would have gotten here had we not spent the effort to keep in touch for the 5 years we were apart. We lived separate lives in utterly different places, but it was right and we found our ways back to each other. The key with a FWB to lover to partner thing is the friendship foundation has to be rock solid.
That’s for both of you to decide. There’s always something you can learn, and for all you know you might learn something from that relationship, even if it’s a reinforcement that entering an expiring relationship is not, in fact, worth it.
Relationships at your age can last, but it depends on several factors. It’s always a gamble. Personally (at this stage in my life) I wouldn’t bother with something I know will end anyway, since I wouldn’t want to get attached and then miss it (I also wouldn’t want to know what I could miss, lol). But I did start dating my husband when I was younger than you were now – and we were literally on different continents.
Idk what’s stopping him from staying in USA, but maybe he can return/stay here ultimately, or you might be so in love that you end up moving to where he is. We don’t know the details, so I’d argue it’s something you should ponder over and discuss with him to see where you stand and what you might get out of it
First, don’t just assume the relationship his going to end. It might not. You two might grow and mature together into life partners.
Second, there is nothing wrong with relationships that aren’t destined to result in you two sharing a gravestone in 70 years.
I had a horrendous marriage. Divorced now. I will never be in a serious relationship ever again because of it. My girlfriend was horribly abused when she was younger. She is almost incapable of trusting anyone, including me. But we have a great time together. It is every bit as romantic, connecting, fun, sweet, emotionally intimate, and caring as a relationship moving towards marriage and future gravestones together. I navigate her boundaries and she soothes my tendency towards pulling away. We both just know that marriage is not the path we are on.
Sure. I called these “trysts.”
I loved them. They were always kept on a casual level and everything was focused on fun. Sex, outings, all of that was amazing, and some of it was sweeter than normal since there was a hard expiration date on it. We both knew it wasn’t going anywhere ultimately, but that didn’t stop us from having good times.
But, I mean, in terms of the international thing… my husband and I are from separate countries. I immigrated. If it does parlay into something deeper, being from separate countries isn’t some insurmountable barrier.
Most relationships don’t last forever. Romantic ones are never about the end goal, they‘re about enjoying the journey along the way. The lasting forever part is a rare reward, not an expectation. Dating, especially at 22, shouldn’t be done with the goal of lasting forever IMO; it’s about enjoying someone’s company and mutual support and learning what you want in a forever partner. Assume every romantic relationship you have will end as all of them will except for that one rare special reward we all hope to find. That will help keep you safe and help you manage your disappointment when something ends, it will also help you avoid staying in a bad relationship for sunk cost fallacy reasons.
Long story short, have fun and do what you want to do! Put forever wayyyy on the back burner with dating. You will never know if a relationship is going to last forever, you will never have that guarantee except in retrospect at the end of your life. So don‘t let it hold you back or keep you from enjoying your life and having fun however is right for you.
Just be in the moment. That’s all. If it ends, it ends. It might not. Have fun while you can.
You never know what the future might bring. Years ago I started a FWB relationship that we both knew was time limited because she was moving from L.A. to NYC in three months.
She moved and we kept talking on the phone. Then I started flying out to visit her. Finally I moved and we lived together for 12 years.
Though we are no longer together, we are still friends and FWBs when we are in the same city. I don’t regret a single moment of our relationship. (BTW, she created my user name to describe herself. Though I find it slightly embarrassing, it does remind me of her).
My advice to you is if you enjoy spending time together, keep doing it and don’t worry about the expiration date.
I think they are but I’m also not really concerned about having someone forever i know that’s not a common mindset. I think of you want that you should actively sell it out.
I personally feel you can learn a lot from relationships and grow even if they aren’t forever. Sometimes you might have a few months or a few years but as long as it’s not getting in the way of future plans I think they can be rewarding.
Now if you are looking to have kids or get married, then I wouldn’t recommend spending a lot of time on relationships that won’t last.
You learn so much out of having healthy relationships with people you trust. Likes and dislikes and how to be a good partner and communicate and just practice being in a healthy relationship. Even just knowing how a good relationship feels when you’re in it is incredibly valuable. It’s so so freaking good for you.
I had a lot of relationships with an expiration date when I did internships and in college in general. Knowing there’s an expiration date can actually take some of the pressure off it to be a perfect fit for the future. It allows you to both just be present and enjoy it for what it is today. I had relationships in that time with men who would have been a horrible fit for building a future, but we weren’t there to build a future. We were there to enjoy dating for the X months or a year or whatever.
I am a much better partner and wife now than I would have been without having those relationships. I was able to rule out potential relationships with people that I didn’t see a future with quickly and relatively painlessly when I was dating more seriously by having that experience. I’m more sure of what I need and what’s important to me. I’m better able to advocate and communicate effectively. I am better able to understand others, especially in understanding the ways they are different than me.
I’m also a better friend to my friends who are dating or even ending long term relationships because I have more experience with dating in general. I’ve had multiple respectful, healthy relationships. I’ve also had ones that looking back I was able to see the cracks in. Plus, so many of those clearly had no future long term and that was fine.
Just my experience, but plenty of benefits in dating on a deadline.
Nothing lasts forever, so do nothing. It sounds silly when you say it like that (i hope it sounds silly to you, at least). Enjoy today.