My husband and I were recently chatting about how his parents go to him when they know hes alone and cry or complain about boundaries we’ve set. He’s done a good job of shutting it down, but of course when he does his mom decides to cry and be the victim. He told me, he told her she cant cry to him and it wont change his decisions and she just stopped. I told him, then its not real crying she knows what she’s doing.
Anyone else have a MIL that seems to be entirely aware of her game?? It just seems so insane to me. I dont think hes aware thats not normal because hes seen this type of behavior his whole life.
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Not a MIL but my manipulative sister used to turn on the waterworks to try and get her way until I would say something along the lines of “Your tears don’t fool me” and she’d instantly stop and get angry.
Absolutely. It’s wild how quickly the tears dry up when they realize the manipulation isn’t working. That’s not emotional overwhelm, that’s strategy. My MIL does the same thing, crocodile tears the second she’s called out, then poof, she’s suddenly composed when no one’s buying it. It’s like they have a mental playbook for emotional blackmail, and they’ve been rehearsing it for decades. The scariest part is how normal it seems to them. They really believe guilt equals love and boundaries equal betrayal. You’re definitely not alone.
Yes. It’s a dead giveaway. You see them hysterical on the phone, then they hang up and are perfectly fine. No calming down, no transition. Not even a deep breath.
And then there are the beaters, who are perfectly fine, jovial, waving goodbye, driving home calmly…and as soon as that door closes behind them at home and no one can see, they let rip with “uncontrollable anger” at their partner or child. Maybe they even make a stop to pick something up, make a calm and friendly-voiced phone call in the car, etc. But as soon as they’re private–seething rage, beating, screaming. Because the victim “enraged” them. The victim “should have known better”.
There are many other examples–sobbing brokenly until they get the promise they want, then instantly perking up and sauntering off with a triumphant grin, maybe throwing a screaming tantrum and snapping out of it like a switch was flipped if things change…lots of examples.
Turning that shit on and off like a faucet, while in total control the whole time, is a narcissistic trademark.
There are other things it could indicate, but I believe they’re rater than narcissism.