Are We Asking Too Much? Baby Arrival/Delivery expectations.

Context: It’s Babytime! Super Super close to due date and DH and I wanted to communicate expectations with all sides family (his and my side) of what to expect as we prepare for our first LO to arrive and visiting/expectations when and what we share publicly and with family. We’re pretty private people in general… and previously MIL has had some boundary issues with enmeshment and getting personally offended whenever we would not share every detail of our lives with her. We’ve been cont. working on this communication and expectation issue now for a few years and have made some* progress. ex: MIL is (oddly) super supportive of us not wanting hospital visitors and to give us time to adjust at home until we’re ready to have visitors.

However (as it’s now go-time with baby) we communicated today that regardless of whenever baby comes, we will text everyone at once so all news is received at the same time (and hopefully avoid any jealousy of who found out first etc)

Our desire is (assuming delivery goes well) we’ll reach out when we are ready and text/call everyone at the same time and this will probably be the day or 2 after delivery. We did the same thing when we got engaged, our family was the first to find out ~ but we wanted to enjoy that bliss just the 2 of us for the first day of being an engaged couple.

My parents equally did the same thing when I was born. My parents even explained that mainly they did it bc they didn’t want to be bombarded every day leading up to with the multitude of messages “is the baby here yet?” or “any news?” or “are you in the hospital yet?” My DH loved this idea so we can enjoy the first day or so of newborn days of becoming a family of 3.

Well my MIL did NOT take this well and was pissed why we wouldn’t tell her the second after baby would be born. DH immediately defended us and said this is what we decided and we wanted to be clear so there wouldn’t be any unmet or crazy expectations. It still did not get through and she took it extremely personally and made it all about herself.

We didn’t think it would be a huge deal, my parents and DH siblings are all on board and are in full support. Just asking how to approach at this point bc seems like even if we try to over communicate with MIL, she takes it the wrong way. ex: she’s offended if we don’t tell her our plans because she had something else in mind and/or expected us to read her mind… or she’s offended if we over communicate expectations ahead of time so there is nothing to be disappointed by, yet she’s found a way to be disappointed.

Question(s):
When did you tell family your baby was born? How many details did you include? what details are really necessary?

We’re so excited to celebrate our child but want to learn best practices and if anyone had any regrets with how/what/when they shared news.

Below is a sample message of what we plan on texting everyone tomorrow just so everyone is on the same page ~ totally open to feedback/advise on that as well! TY!!

“Hi everyone! Our baby is almost here, and we’re so excited and grateful for all the love and support! We can’t wait to share updates and pictures with you as we settle into life as a family of 3. As we adjust, we’d love your help in following a few small guidelines:

• We’ll be sharing baby’s info, updates, and photos directly with you, and we kindly ask that when you do receive any information or pics that it not be shared with anyone else (no social media, text, calls etc).

• We’d like any announcements, news or pictures to come directly from us when we tell friends and extended family and not secondhand as we are excited to tell everyone ourselves!

• If you’re planning to visit, please check with us first so we can plan for the day, and we’ll need to keep visits brief while we adjust to baby’s schedule.

Per the pediatrician:
– Please wash your hands and arms before holding the baby.

• there is to be no kissing any part of baby (even if you’re not feeling sick).

• If you’ve been around someone sick, please reschedule in a few days to make sure you did not catch anything or do not have anything.

• if you are feeling under the weather, please wait at least 2 weeks before your visit (includes cold sores, allergies, colds, rashes, stomach bugs, etc)

• Lastly, please avoid strong perfumes or scents when you visit, as baby’s skin and breathing are still very sensitive.

Thank you so much for your understanding! We can’t wait to share these precious moments with you all!”