I’m (25m) a virgin who’ hasn’t dated while she’s a (25f) girl who has had many past relationships and faced lots of trauma in her life.
My coodled childhood made me a rather less mature and responsible person as she claims, I think I agree and I’m trying my best to change and she acknowledges that
We have completely different life goals. She says I don’t understand what she wants to say most of the time. She gets very depressed very quickly and tends to ignore me or lsh out. There have been some dates where she even talks about how her exes were better comparing the current scenario
I have this fear that she will always compare me to her fast relationships and set a standard and keep matching me to those levels. Her past doesn’t bother me but I think she’s not fully honest and I’ve told her complete honesty will be a deal breaker.
I’ve known her for years now and we were good friends because we have similar morals beliefs and perhaps belong to similar places when we talk about stuff. I’m totally attracted to her mind and intelligence. I think she is too.
Despite all these, there have been times where we felt like we have to break it off because we are just two very different people with different life goals. But neither of us can. She even said she thinks fate destined us to be together and she knows we will get married one day.
These days I feel like many things are signs that maybe despite all the differences we are meant to be together.
Can any kind heart help me navigate the most important decision of my life?
Thank you
-in search of my soulmate.
Tldr – she and I are two different people but love each other deeply
Comments
> a rather less mature and responsible person as she claims
>There have been some dates where she even talks about how her exes were better comparing the current scenario
Doesn’t sound like she loves you that much to be honest mate.
Being compared to past partners doesn’t feel good, even when the comparison is favorable. So I’m sorry that seems to be a standard in this relationship. I would say that it sounds like you both have some more growing to do and that growing probably needs to be done outside of the relationship. She needs to learn how to better communicate her problems without bringing her past into it, and I think you might need to learn how to express your needs and wants.
Your intuition is a really important voice when it comes to life and relationships. You’re here and asking this because you know that something isn’t right.
You can have feelings for someone and your lives and values still not align, it’s frustrating and heartbreaking but there is a place for you elsewhere. One where you won’t be degraded and compared.
Step away, keep working on yourself, you will be someone’s dream partner and deserve to have someone who is in awe of you